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Only fun forwards for fun ...

R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371

[ December 30, 2003: Message edited by: R K Singh ]

"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
Varun Khanna
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: 1400
George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his
talk
he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.
"Bob".
"And what is your question, Bob?"
"I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the
support
of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
And
third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies
that
they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "OK,
where
were we? Oh that's right --- question time.
Who has a question?" A different little boy puts up his hand. George
points
him out and asks him what his name is.
"Steve" "And what is your question, Steve?" "I have 5 questions.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second,
why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, what happened
to
Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?
And
fifth, where is Bob?"


- Varun
Avi Nash
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 17, 2003
Posts: 69
The following is an actual excerpt from an edition of Forbes Magazine:
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and
when the herd is hunted, it
is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is
good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health
of the whole is maintained
or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members. In
much the same way, the
human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells
through which the electrical
signals pass.
Recent Epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive
intake of alcohol kills off
brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
Thus, regular consumption
of alcohol helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the
brain a faster and more
efficient machine. The result of this in-depth study verifies and
validates the causal link
between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also
explains why, after a few
short years of leaving a University and getting married, most
professionals cannot keep up with
the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick
to the strict regimen of
voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels
that they achieve during
their college years. So, this is a call to arms. As your company
enters a period of rapid and
aggressive growth, let's not be found lacking. Get back into the
bars. Quaff that pint. Your
company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't
deny yourself the career
that you could have. Take life by the bottle and be all that you can
be.
Forward this to all of your friends, acquaintances and co-workers that
may be in danger of losing
their edge. What more can we do??
So in this new year make a resolution - to kill your dead cells ... ;o)
[ January 07, 2004: Message edited by: Avinash S ]
ChanSan Mehbubani
Ranch Hand

Joined: Dec 30, 2003
Posts: 108
Administrator,Is there any way that limit the number of posts in a particular thread ?While registering there should be some option like "Do you want to see Garbage Thread? Click Yes/No"


I am a Papad
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Avi Nash
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 17, 2003
Posts: 69
One day an employee sends a letter to his boss to increase his salary!!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be
under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport
including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Norman $oh

The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:
Dear NOrman,
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed.
You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the
United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential
elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Hi All,
A very good morning and have a great day ahead!
On a lighter vein, carry on reading...
===================================================
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of
chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like
toxic waste.
- David Bissonette
===================================================
When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry
===================================================
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside
desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get
out.
- Montaigne
===================================================
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a
coin; they just can't face each other, but still they
stay together.
-- Hemant Joshi
===================================================
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be
happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a
philosopher.
-- Socrates
===================================================
A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking;
the husband gives and the wife takes.
===================================================
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us
from achieving them.
-- Dumas
===================================================
The great question... which I have not been able to
answer... is, "What does a woman want?
-- Freud
===================================================
The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines.
They gave him love and he invented marriage.
===================================================
I had some words with my wife,
and she had some paragraphs with me.
===================================================
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two
years."
- Sam Kinison
===================================================
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even
faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
- James Holt McGavran
===================================================
"The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at
home too much."
- Colin Chapman
===================================================
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want
to interrupt her."
- Rodney Dangerfield
===================================================
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one
left me and the second one didn't."
- Patrick Murray
===================================================
Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave
the hallway light on.
===================================================
My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long
as I don't enjoy it.
===================================================
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to
keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
-- Groucho Marx
===================================================
My wife only has 2 complaints. Nothing to wear and not
enough closet space.
===================================================
You know what I did before I married? Anything I
wanted to.
-- Henny Youngman
===================================================
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's
wrong.
-- Milton Berle
===================================================
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the
enemy.
-- Anonymous
===================================================
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be
reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
===================================================
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife
wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They
all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
===================================================
A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my
husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you
married him." Asked the friend. The woman replied, " A
multi-millionaire".
===================================================
Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer
contains small traces of female hormones. To prove
their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and
observed that 100 of them started talking nonsense and
couldn't drive...
===================================================
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Udayan Naik
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 18, 2000
Posts: 135
Another Johnny joke...
Little Johnny's teacher declares in the class - "On Friday evening I will ask a question. Anybody who can answer that correctly can have the following Monday off from class". The entire class waits eagerly for Friday. Come Friday evening, and the teacher asks "How many stars are in the sky?". Of course no one can answer that correctly, and they all go home dejected. Comes another Friday evening, and the teacher asks "How many grains of sand are there on the beach?", and no one can answer that either.
Fed up with this, little Johnny thinks hard and gets an idea. He obtains two ping-pong balls and paints them black all over. The following Friday, just as the teacher is about to ask a question, Johnny, who's sitting in the back of the class, lets go of the ping-pong balls. They bounce all the way up to the front and come to rest at the teacher's feet. Really pissed, the teacher asks "Allright!! Who's the comedian with the black balls??". Up goes little Johnny in a flash.."Eddie Murphy, see you on Tuesday."
Gail Mikels
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 07, 2001
Posts: 634
This one's from my daughter...
A little girl asks her dad, "Dad, is God black or white?" The dad responds, "God is both." A moment later, the girl asks her dad, "Dad, is God a man or a woman?" The dad responds, "God is both." A few minutes later, the little girl asks, "Dad, is God Michael Jackson?"


Gail Mikels
Richard Hawkes
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 28, 2003
Posts: 1340
A joke about animals taking drugs.
A rabbit was hopping through the forest when he came upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit said, "Giraffe, don't do drugs. Come, run with me through the forest." The giraffe looked at the rabbit, then at the joint. He dropped the joint and ran off with the rabbit.

They came upon an elephant snorting cocaine. The rabbit said, "Elephant, don't do drugs. Come, run with us through the forest." The elephant looked at his razor blade and mirror, tossed them away and began running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then came across a lion about to inject some heroin. The rabbit said, "Lion, don't do drugs. Come, run with us through the forest." The lion looked at the rabbit and then at the needle. He slowly walks over to the rabbit and sits on him! Then he continues to get his fix.

Horrified, the giraffe and elephant asked, "Lion, why did you do that? He was trying to help you."

The lion answered, "This little rabbit? He makes me run around the forest like an idiot every time he takes ecstasy."
Varun Khanna
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: 1400
this is among the worst PJ you will ever read ------>
A peasant leaving in a village was badly hit by draught. He was forced to make his living by cutting some wood from the nearby forest and sell in the market. One of the days when he went deep into the woods, he found a very ancient looking temple. He went inside and saw a Shiv Ling inside it. He offered his prayers sensing that the Temple had a special charisma. When he went to the market in the evening that day, he got a deal worth ten times what he would earn earlier.

His belief in the Lord strengthened and he would pray the Ling in the forest everyday and as usual, got very good deals on his woods. He gradually became a big merchant, but never used to forget to offer his prayers in the ancient temple. He also managed to keep the temple a secret and never would tell anyone about it.
One of those days he went to the temple to offer his prayings. He was surprised to notice that the Shiv Ling had disappeared. What astonished him more was that a Ganesh idol stood in the place where the Shiv Ling had been there. He tried to search for the Ling around the temple and tried to see if anyone had come to the temple or not. But he found no traces of any kind.
Exhausted and worried, he went to the Ganesh Idol and asked the Ganesh in his big ears,
"Pappu, tumhare daddy kahaa hai??"
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
STATE of BIHAR DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON ( Application) PHAROM ( Form )
> >
> >
> >***************************************************************
> >
> >
> >NOTE : If you dont know the answers, please copy from another applikason
> >phorom and submit.
> >
> >
> >Please do not shoot the person at the applikason kounter. He will give
you
> >the lisence immediately.
> >
> >
> >
> >* Last name
> >
> >
> >(_)Yadav
> >(_)Sinha
> >(_)Pandey
> >(_)Mishra
> >(_)do not know
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >* Phust name:
> >
> >
> >(_) Ramprasad
> >
> >
> >(_) Lakhan
> >
> >
> >(_) Sivaprasad
> >
> >
> >(_) Jamnaprasad
> >
> >
> >(_) Dont know
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >* Age:
> >
> >
> >(_) Less than phiphty
> >
> >
> >(_) Phiphty
> >
> >
> >(_) Greater than phipty
> >
> >
> >(_) Don't know
> >
> >
> >
> >* Sex:
> >
> >
> >____ M _____ F _____ not sure _____ not applicable
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >* Chappal Size:
> >
> >
> >____ Left ____ Right
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >* Occupassan :
> >
> >
> >(_) Politician
> >
> >
> >(_) Doodhwala
> >
> >
> >(_) Pehelwaan
> >
> >
> >(_) House wife
> >
> >
> >(_) Un-employed
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >* Bhife Name: __________________________
> >
> >
> >
> >* Relationship with Bhife :
> >
> >
> >(_) Sister
> >
> >
> >(_) Brother
> >
> >
> >(_) Aunt
> >
> >
> >(_) Uncle
> >
> >
> >(_) Cousin
> >
> >
> >(_) Mother
> >
> >
> >(_) Father
> >
> >
> >(_) Son
> >
> >
> >(_) Daughter
> >
> >
> >(_) Pet
> >
> >
> >
> >* Number of children living in household: ___
> >
> >
> >
> >* Number that are yours: ___
> >
> >
> >
> >* Mother's Name: _______________________
> >
> >
> >* Phather's Name: _______________________
> >
> >
> >
> >* Heducasson : 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
> >
> >
> >
> >* Firearms you own and where you keep them:
> >
> >____ bedroom
> >
> >
> >____ bathroom
> >
> >
> >____ kitchen
> >
> >
> >
> >* Model and year of your vehicle: _____________194_
> >
> >
> >
> >* Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
> >
> >
> >(_) Champak
> >
> >
> >(_) Indrajal
> >
> >
> >(_) Star and style
> >
> >
> >(_) The great Bihar Dairy
> >
> >
> >(_) Blank sheets
> >
> >
> >
> >* Do you bathe?
> >
> >
> >(_) Yes
> >
> >
> >(_) No
> >
> >
> >(_) Not applicable
> >
> >
> >
> >* If yes, how often do you bathe?
> >
> >
> >(_) Weekly
> >
> >
> >(_) Monthly
> >
> >
> >(_) Yearly
> >
> >
> >
> >* Color of teeth:
> >
> >
> >(_) Yellow
> >
> >
> >(_) Brownish-Yellow
> >
> >
> >(_) Brown
> >
> >
> >(_) Black
> >
> >
> >(_) Others - Give exact color
> >
> >
> >(_) Not applicable
> >
> >
> >
> >* How far is your home from a paved road?
> >
> >
> >(_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >____________________
> >
> >Your thumb impresson
> >
> >
> >(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy
> >thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression.
> >
> >
> >Use thumb on your left hand only. If you dont have left hand, use your
> >thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on left
hand.
> >
> >
> >
> >NOTE: IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.
> >
> >
> >
> >For instructions to fill this applikason pharom, see beginning of
> >applikason phorom.
> >
> >
> >
> >Ishmile and have a Nice Day!
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Q. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??
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Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )
Q. Ques - .SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI
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Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)
Q- Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble
brings a bottle of
pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.
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why ?? why ?? :-)
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Tendulkar is an opener
Q. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart
is umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?
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Dil Chhata Hai!
7 . Q: Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai
par Dhadkan main nahi?
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Socho socho
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aarey Aamir Khan !!!
8. What will! u call a person who is leaving India??
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Socho...............
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Hindustan Lever (Leaver).
9. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya
tha...................................?
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Answer) adidas
10. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between
comes a well. Luv fells
into the well. Why ?
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Because Luv is blind!!!
Now Kush also jumps inside. Why?
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OK lot's of head scratching done.
Answer is... Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!
Want one more...
Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?..
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nahi pata..??

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answer) D'Cold
chain ki saans - D'cold
chalo ab batao...
Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ?
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this is quite simple..
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answer) D'Cold again
kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi ))))))))))))

Jugal Hansraj and Mayuri Kango bus stop par khade
the.
Bus aayi -
Mayuri
gayi, magar Jugal nahin gaya - kyon?
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Because Mayuri 'can - go'.
Ek aur.....
Sharukh Khan aur Kajol bus stop pe khade hain. Kajol
chali gayi, par
Sharukh
bus pe nahin chada - kyon??
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think harder...
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Kyonke woh Kajol ko chhodne aaya tha. Ha, ha, ha...

Ek aur muaka de hi dete hain tumhe ..... kamal ,vimal
do bhai they,dono
bus
stop pe khade the..
bus aai vimal chad jata hai per kamal nahin jata hai
why???
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Kyonkieeeeee bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!
aur chhaiye...theek hai

Kadar Khan aur Shakti Kapoor dono bus stop pe khade
the...
bus aai aur Kadar Khan chad jata hai per Shakti
Kapoor
nahin jata
Qyo???
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Qyonkieeeeeee woh Shakti Kapoor dusri bus ke wait kar
raha tha

aakhri sawaal
Amitabh aur Pran dono bus estop pe khade the...
bus aai aur Pran chad jata hai per Amitabh nahin jata
Qyo???
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pran jaye per bacchan na jaye
ab kya...
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kucch bhi nahi...aapna kaam karo....
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
One Surd went for an interview for a OO Programmers job. As the
conversation went on, it is depicted below:
Interviewer: Mr. Singh, Can u tell me, what is inheritance.
Surd Embarassed by this simple que.) When U make love to ur wife and
she bears a child, that is Inheritance. Interviewer was a thorough
professional and was not disturbed by Surd's reply. But he wanted to
have some fun.
Interviewer: Then what is Multiple Inheritance?
Surd:When U and ur neighbour make love with ur wife and ur wife bears a
single child, that is multiple inheritance.
Interviewer: What is Virtual Function?
Surd: When ur neighbour makes love with ur wife and u assume that the
child is urs.
Interviewer: What is Pure Virtual Function?
Surd: When u r impotent and still ur wife bears a child.
This was too much for the interviewer; so he got angry and got up. But
the sardarjee was very cool. He said immediately, "no problem, just as
sume that ur wife is an abstract base class and allow her to be derived
as many times possible.
sunitha reghu
Ranch Hand

Joined: Dec 12, 2002
Posts: 937
RK are you a surd??
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Originally posted by sunitha raghu:
RK are you a surd??

My Ex, you must be knowing
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
In some remote village of India, one master ji is teaching the
Mahabharat katha to a class. He is at the 'Krishna janma' part of it.
So let him continue...
Masterji: "Bachcho, so Kansa heard the Akashwani that his sister's 8th
child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev
and Devki behind the bars. "First son is born, and Kansa kills him by
poisoning; second one is born and Kansa throws him off the mountain
peak; third one is born..." Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot
puts up his handand says,
"Master ji! I have a question here!"
Masterji (sounding nervous n confused): "Ramu bete, whole India does not
have doubt in Mahabharata and how come you have one?"
Ramu: "Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's child - whether 1st or 8th
- was going to kill him, why the hell did! he put Vasudev and Devaki in
the same cell?"
Arjun Shastry
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 13, 2003
Posts: 1874
Some students are eating bread kept in a dish.There is small paper note beneath the dish ,saying "Jannat".What is name of studen't teacher?


MH
Varun Khanna
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: 1400
Originally posted by Capablanca Kepler:
Some students are eating bread kept in a dish.There is small paper note beneath the dish ,saying "Jannat".What is name of studen't teacher?

Ishq ki chaon
Arjun Shastry
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 13, 2003
Posts: 1874
.I think Gulzar will make suicide if he hears this joke!!
Bhushan Mahajan
Greenhorn

Joined: Sep 19, 2003
Posts: 9
For R. K. Singh
The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"
The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."
KIT.....


Cheers<br />Bhushan
Arjun Shastry
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 13, 2003
Posts: 1874
Originally posted by R K Singh:

My Ex, you must be knowing

That means you are surd.
Balaji Loganathan
author and deputy
Bartender

Joined: Jul 13, 2001
Posts: 3150
Originally posted by Capablanca Kepler:

That means you are surd.

Wow!.. You are very intelligent.


Spritle Software Blogs
sunitha reghu
Ranch Hand

Joined: Dec 12, 2002
Posts: 937
So the surd here is Ravish/
Originally posted by R K Singh:
One Surd went for an interview for a OO Programmers job. As the
conversation went on, it is depicted below:
Interviewer: Mr. Singh, Can u tell me, what is inheritance.
Surd Embarassed by this simple que.) When U make love to ur wife and
she bears a child, that is Inheritance. Interviewer was a thorough
professional and was not disturbed by Surd's reply. But he wanted to
have some fun.
Interviewer: Then what is Multiple Inheritance?
Surd:When U and ur neighbour make love with ur wife and ur wife bears a
single child, that is multiple inheritance.
Interviewer: What is Virtual Function?
Surd: When ur neighbour makes love with ur wife and u assume that the
child is urs.
Interviewer: What is Pure Virtual Function?
Surd: When u r impotent and still ur wife bears a child.
This was too much for the interviewer; so he got angry and got up. But
the sardarjee was very cool. He said immediately, "no problem, just as
sume that ur wife is an abstract base class and allow her to be derived
as many times possible.
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Originally posted by Bhushan Mahajan:
For R. K. Singh
The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air.
KIT.....

How are you man ??
Nice to see you here ...
Advice : leave this place as soon as possible, its higly addictive
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Originally posted by sunitha raghu:
So the surd here is Ravish/

And you are my Ex
Rajesh Bhai
Greenhorn

Joined: Sep 18, 2003
Posts: 19
Hey Bhushan Bhai
How r things going on with DXREADER. Nice 2 find u here.
Terimaki Tojay
Ranch Hand

Joined: Nov 24, 2003
Posts: 165
Guys, enough already. This thread was great with just the jokes. Don't spoil it please.
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Advaniism
You have two cows. You dont milk them. You worship
them.
Chandrababuism
You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to
internet and milk them
from Hyderabad.



Jayalalithaism
You have two cows. You teach them to cry,
"Ammaaaaaaa..." and fall at your
feet.

Karunanidhiism
You have two cows. You give one to your son and the
other to your nephew.

Gandhism
You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.

Indiraism
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as
cows.

Lalooism
You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of
cattlefeed for them.

Rajnikantism
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch
their milk in your
mouth.

Rajivism
You have two cows. You paint them both to get
colourful milk.

Thakreyism
You have two cows. You feed them only saffron
flowers.

Vajpayeeism
You have two cows. You distribute the milk among
your partners and eat
cattlefeed.

Veerappanism
You have two cows. You take over a reserved forest
to feed them.

Azharism
You have only one cow. You take money from bookies
to maintain it.

Bushism
You have as many cows as you like. You preach to
others not to have any.

Musharrafism
Nawaz Sharif has two cows. Take them over.

Osamaism
You have two cows. You convert them into biological
weapons.

Talibanism
You have two cows. You put them in purdah.

UN-ism
You have two cows. You dont milk them; you only
lecture to them.

Softwarism:
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them
1 First prepare a document when to milk them
(Project kick off)
2 Prepare a document how long you have to milk them
(Project plan)
3 Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 Then prepare what other accessories are needed to
milk them (Framework)
5 Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and
show to client the way
in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 You actually start milking them and find that
there are few problem with
accessories. (Change framework)
8 Redo step 4
9 At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding
over)
10 Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is
trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client
(Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good.
(User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of
milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but
its milking at slow
rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good
performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The
software got old and
New
software has come in market)
==================================================================
If you are not satisfied at what you are doing
in office!
Try these things...............
1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.
2. Have work breaks in between tea.
3. Count your fingers (and toes if you get bored).
4. Improve your typing speed.
5. Meditate.
6. Crib(Always as you do).
7. Crib some more.
8. Rearrange the furniture, i.e.. flick someone else chair just to irritate them.
9. Send mails from ms-mail to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?)and read them there..and
note down the time they take to reach there.
10. Watch other people changing their facial expressions while working and try changing your expressions also.
11. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.
12. Make blank calls to your PM.
13. Have a two hour lunch, its a big social occasion.
15. Read jokes and send jokes.
16. Revise last weeks newspaper.
17. Call Credit card marketing executive.
18. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
19. Follow the amoebae that float in front of your eyes.
20. Try reformatting the PC hard-disk.
21. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
22. Compile "How to waste your day"
23. Pick up phone and dial non existing nos
24. Make faces at strangers in office. Try to pen the faces on paper also.
25. Make faces at your friends in office.
26. Open other people's computers on network and try cracking their passwords.
27. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at a time.
28. For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them.Then repeat this process.
29. Look at someone & try to imagine how (s)he might have looked when (s)he was 5 years old.
30. Get a punching machine and paper and show your creativity.....make beautiful patterns by punching holes & admire them as if its really an artistic work by you.
31. And if you are still getting bored, make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.
32.and on wake up go to step 1
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Lessons learnt from Alaipayuthey /Saathiyaaa !
1. Never miss a marriage of your friend in the village
because some city figures do come there and they may
or you may get interested in each other.
2. Never ask a stranger about a girl unless you are
sure that he is not her father.
3. If you travel by minsara (electric) train please look out of
the window ... ;-)
4. All software engineers think logically ..[or
atleast they think so] otherwise how would you end
up to 70 females from 3.5 million ??[and they have a
couple of them as friends who would agree to this
logic]
5. When you first meet your girl and she shouts at
you and asks whether you have no other work, take this
word:" that is the best sign a relationship can get
started with" and don't forget to speed in the beach
shouting at the top of your voice "Ava enna
thittita (she has scolded me.....) !!!"
6. The easiest way to let your parents know your
lover is to invite her to your house and inform others
about your plan.[and she should know to sing "alai
payuthey" with a voice like Harini!]
7. When you say "I love you" try to know what it
means because girls now a days expect you to know what
it means.. [Hero : "I Love You" Heroine : "appadina (what does that mean???) "
??]
8. Never let your parents to go and do the talking!
They spoil it up.
9. When a girl says about 20 weeks and 20 months
logic wrt lover and parents don't worry, she would be
the first one to defect!
10. When your daughters suddenly wear gorgeous Saris
please be sure that she is either going to her
kadhalan's house for a function or getting thiruttu (registered)
married.
11. When you do a "Thiruttu Kalyanam" get Rahman to
sing his version of "Mangalyam Thanthunane" since the
old version is considered unauspicious in such
occasions!
12. Even marriage registrars are happy about
"thiruttu kalyanams".
13. Your house owner is not worried about you working
in a software company or an garment company ;-)
14. When you hug your wife's sister [for reasons of
your own] make sure your wife is not in the vicinity.
Your wife's husband wont mind though.
15. There is some "Ilicha vaayan" Software company in
California who would give a $2 million contract to a
software outfit in Chennai with a staffing of 5 to 6
people.
16. If one of your friends or brother go for "Pen
Parkkum Padalam (meeting the bride) ", go with him since she might have a
younger sister who might "not" be married
17. Even Doctors are caught up in the TLA [Three
Letter Acronyms] frenzy .. They have their own TIG
[Trust in God]
18. After Doctors say TIG, it is finally the lover
crying in the bedside which would finally let the
patient come out of Coma.
19. and finally the message of the film : When you
talk to your girl please add this line : "Nee alaga
illai (you are not beautiful) .. nee illama vazha mudiyathunnu ninaikkale (i don't think i can't live without you) ..
aana please road cross pannum pothu paathu cross
pannu (but please be careful while crossing the road) "
Balaji Loganathan
author and deputy
Bartender

Joined: Jul 13, 2001
Posts: 3150
Originally posted by R K Singh:
Lessons learnt from Alaipayuthey /Saathiyaaa !

Ravish!.. Did you wrote it, or its just a forwarded email ?
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Originally posted by Balaji Loganathan:
Ravish!.. Did you wrote it, or its just a forwarded email ?

You have answer is your question ..
its just a forwarded mail as topic suggests.
Devesh H Rao
Ranch Hand

Joined: Feb 09, 2002
Posts: 687

Indian Cow

�� HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also
�� he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give
�� milks,��but will do so when he is got child. He is
�� same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man.
�� But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and
�� two are afterwards.
��
�� What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why
�� and the condensed milk and so forth.��Also he is
�� useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.
�� His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species,
�� Also his other motion.. gober] is much useful to
�� trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like
�� Pizza] , in hand and drying in the sun.
��
�� Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding
�� after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth
�� whom are situated in the inside of��the mouth. He is
�� incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only
�� attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially
�� so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his
�� head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled
�� to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with
�� great velocity forwards. He has got tails also,
�� situated in the backyard, but not like similar
�� animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other
�� side. This is done��to frighten away the flies which
�� alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with
�� it.
��
�� The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the
�� grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses
�� by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes
�� and nose are like his other relatives.
�� This is the cow.......

Ashik Uzzaman
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 05, 2001
Posts: 2370

HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
EXCEL Woman:
She can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything............


Ashik Uzzaman
Senior Member of Technical Staff, Salesforce.com, San Francisco, CA, USA.
Ashik Uzzaman
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 05, 2001
Posts: 2370

Software Engineers are advised not to spend too much time sitting before computers because the following things may happen in their future.
1. When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
2. When counting objects, you count 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D..
3. At the superstore, you check to see if a kilogram is 1024 grams, a litre is 1024 mls.
4. When you dream, you are going to dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.
5. When your wife says "If you don't turn off that damn machine and come to sleep, then I am going to divorce you!", you are going to scream at her for omitting the "else" clause.
6. You try to sleep , and think : sleep(8 * 60 * 60); /* sleep for 8 hours */
7. When you are reading a book, you would look for the scroll bar to get to the next page.
8. If you want to call somebody you pick up the phone and start dialling an IP number...
9. You are going to look for an icon to double-click, to open your bedroom window.
10. When you go to balance your check book, you would discover that you'll be doing the math in octal.
11.You would look for a trash can icon to throw garbage.
12.When you get in the elevator you would double-click the button for the floor you want to go.
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Subject: Bun-jokes (warning: pakaau...)

Q: Why did Ram, Lakshman and Sita eat only Buns during their stay in the
forest?
A: It was their Bun-waas.
Q: What do you call a male bun?
A: Bun-da
Q: And a female bun?
A: Of course, bun-di.
Q: What do you call a bun which is walking away?
A: Bun-jaara.
Q: How would you tell a bun to come to you?
A: Bun-aanaa
Q: How do you respectfully address a Bengali who bakes buns?
A: Bunner-ji
Q: A popular Hindi movie on various recipes for making buns?
A: Bun-dish.
Q: A house made up of shiny buns?
A: Bun-glow
Q: The most popular brand of buns?
A: Ray-bun.
Q: A pawn broker who pawns buns?
A: Bun-ia
Q: An antiseptic bun?
A: Bun-nol
Q: Where do buns go for pilgrimage?
A: Bun-aras.
Q: A bun as a music instrument?
A: Bun-soory
Q: Country for buns?
A: Bun-gladesh
Q: Place for hajjaar programmer buns?
A: Bun-galore
Q: What do you call a Bun from the city?
A: Ur-bun
Q: What do you call a Bun on a Sardar's Head ?
A: Tur-Bun
Q: What do you call a bun in a chariot race?
A: Bun-Hur
Q: What do you call a decorated bun?
A: Sunder-bun

===============================================
The Denver Police Department were investigating the mysterious death of
a prominent businessman who had jumped from a window of his 11th-story
office. His voluptuous private secretary could offer no explanation for
the action but said that her boss had been acting peculiarly ever since
she started working for him, a month ago. "After my very first week on
the job," she said, "I received a $20 raise. At the end of the 2nd week
he called me into his private office, gave me a lovely black nightie,
five pairs of nylon stockings and said, 'These are for a beautiful
efficient secretary." "At the end of the third week he gave me a
fabulous mink stole. Then, this afternoon, he called me into his
private office again, presented me with this fabulous diamond bracelet
and asked me if I could consider making love to him and what it would
cost." "I told him that I would, and because he had been so nice to me,
he could have it for $5, although I was charging all the other boys in
the office ten. That's when he jumped out the window."
_____________________________
A huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can
you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who
proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, and knocked it completely
over. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I
can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and in just over
nine seconds, ran a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach.
"But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few
seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably
pass it."
_____________________________
Patient in psychiatrist's office standing on the couch and opening a
trench coat. Psychiatrist: "No, that is not what I meant when I
suggested you try to open up more."
_____________________________
A young couple took their three-year-old son to doctor Cohen. With some
hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared
to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed
him bagels with cream cheese. That should solve the problem." The next
morning, when ! the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack
of warm bagels and cream cheese in the middle of the table. "Gee, mom,"
the boy exclaimed. "For me?" "Just take two," his mother replied. "The
rest are for your father."
_____________________________
A husband a wife were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary, and
the media was there to document the occasion. One of the reporters
asked the secret to their successful marriage and longevity. The wife
replied that they had never been sick. The young reporter was
astonished and to confirm said, "So, you've never been bedridden." And
the wife quickly replied, "Oh, 1000's of times, and twice in a buggy."
_____________________________
An old man goes to the doctor to ask him an important question.
"Doctor, when I was in my 20's, it took both of my hands to push down
my hard-on. When I was in my 30's, it took one hand to push down my
hard-on. When I was in my 50's, it took three fingers to push down my
hard-on. Now that I'm in my 60's, it only takes one finger to push down
on my hard-on! So what I'm basically trying to ask you is? How strong
am I going to get?"
_____________________________
I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were
exactly like mine We were both crazy about girls.
_____________________________
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this
problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts
never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at
least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I
was farting because they don't smell and are silent." The doctor says,
"I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next
week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the
hell you gave me, but now my farts... although still silent... stink
terribly." The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your
sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
_____________________________
Myrddin returned home one night to find his wife lying naked in bed.
His eyes went wide and he began to strip, only to stop suddenly when he
saw a cigar in the ashtray beside the bed. "All right," Myrddin
shouted, "I demand to know where this cigar came from!" A muffled voice
came from under the bed, "Havana."
_____________________________
A 90-year old man announces his intention to marry a woman of 30. He is
persuaded to have a medical exam first. "Everyone tells me I need a
checkup to see if I'm sexually fit," he says to the doctor. "O. K."
says the medic, "Let me see your sex organs." So the old guy sticks out
his tongue and his middle finger.
_____________________________
Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook. The first
old guy said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved his morning, I
cut my face." The second old fogey one-upped him and said, "My hands
shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my
flowers." The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands
shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times!"
_____________________________
What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for ?
It's Braille for "suck here".
_____________________________
John and Brian are out and about. John notices that Brian is a bit
pissy during the evening, so he finally brings up. "Yo, man, you've
been cranky all damned day. What the hell is wrong with you. You're
acting like you've got PMS." "Naw, I don't have PMS, but I definitely
think I'm suffering from the male counterpart. I call it SRH." "SRH?
What's that?" "Sperm Retention Headache."
_____________________________
Cindy, a Blonde, strode angrily into the large drug-store/
general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed
her dissatisfaction. The clerk asked, "What was the problem? Wouldn't
your cat eat them?" Cindy's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do
you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for cats?"
_____________________________
Two old women were sitting on the bench talking, when one asked the
other, How's your Paddy holding up in bed these days?" The second old
lady replied, "He makes me feel like an exercise bike." "How's that?"
"He climbs on and starts pumping away but we never get anywhere!"
_____________________________
An older couple are playing in the annual golf club championship. They
are playing in a playoff hole and the championship comes down to a 6
inch putt which the wife has to make. The woman is trembling as she
takes her stance. Then, she putts and... misses. They lose the match.
On the way home in the car, the woman's husband is fuming, "I cannot
believe you missed that putt! That putt was no longer than my dick!"
The woman looks over at her husband, smiles and replies, "Yes dear, but
it was much, much harder...!"
_____________________________
At a session with a marriage counselor, the wife snapped at her
husband: "That's not true! I do so enjoy sex!" Then, turning to the
counselor, she explained: "But this animal expects it four or five
times a year!"
_____________________________
"Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be
home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another
man's arms. "Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few
minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."
_____________________________
A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office. "Doc, I want my sex
drive lowered." "Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think
you're 'sex drive' is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!"
replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"
_____________________________
Vinod John
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jun 23, 2003
Posts: 162
Types Of Women :
HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
EXCEL Woman:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her,she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources.
If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything............
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Santa stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee.
The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. Santa, who uses both creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty.
As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar for his coffee. The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders. As she passes the cabinet where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bosom because both her hands are full.
After she has served the two plates she was holding, she returns to Santa and asks him, "How many sugar cubes did you want in your coffee?"
Santa says, "Two's fine."
She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and drops them into his cup.
"And cream?" she asks.
Santa looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, "You wouldn't dare!"
_________________________________
A couple had two children, a boy and a girl, who both turned out to be
gay.
At first they remained closeted, but they were both musicians, and when
they found themselves quasi-famous, they feared being exposed in the
press and decided it was better if they were forthcoming about their
sexuality.
The daughter, Annie, has scheduled a press conference for this
afternoon in which she plans to introduce her life partner to the press and tell the world she's a lesbian. And the son'll come out tomorrow.
_________________________________
The applicant for life insurance was finding it difficult to fill out
the application. The salesman asked what the trouble was, and the man said that he couldn't answer the question about the cause of death of his father.
The salesman wanted to know why. After some embarrassment the client
explained that his father had been hanged. The salesman pondered for a moment.
"Just write: 'Father was taking part in a public function when the platform gave way.'"
_________________________________
Fred was telling his friend how his uncle tried to make a new car for
himself..."so he took wheels from a Cadillac, a radiator from a Ford,
some tires and fenders from a Plymouth..."
"Holy Cow," interrupted his friend, "What did he end up with?" And Fred replied, "Two years."
_________________________________
Two friends met on the street and one said, "I heard your brother
died.
What happened?" "It was very sad," the other replied. "Lettuce killed
him."
"How could lettuce kill a man?" "This way," he replied. "He bought
lettuce at the market and asked the store owner how to keep it fresh. The owner told him, 'Put your head in a plastic bag, tie it tight and put it in the refrigerator'."
_________________________________
Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN
JAPAN) for 6 a.m. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA).
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see
how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN I NDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine
(MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then
wondered why he can't find a good paying job in..... AMERICA .....
_________________________________
A teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old
Testament story, and as she moved around the class, she saw there were
many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across Johnny who had
drawn a man driving an old car. In the back seat were two passengers, both scantily dressed. "It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story does it tell?" Johnny seemed surprised at the question.
"Well," he exclaimed, "doesn't it say in the Bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden?"
_________________________________
Man: "Be honest, now, baby, How am I as a lover?" Woman "Honey, I
would definitely say that you're warm." "Really?" "Yes my love, my hero, you're 'warm' as the dictionary would say!" The man pleased, went home and just for sake of it checked his dictionary, He read, "WARM: Not so hot."
_________________________________
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.

Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman
who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the
police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced
him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the
kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY!

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money
in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the
store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police
showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT???

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a line- up. When detectives asked each man
in the line-up to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot,"
the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!

In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold
up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in
his pocket.(hellllllooooooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE (I LOVE THIS ONE!!!)

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour
east of Bakersfield, Cal. some folks, new to boating, were having a
problem.

No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft boat
going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much
power was applied After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted
to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong.

A thorough top side check revealed everything in perfect working condition.
The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the propeller was
the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water
to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE ...........

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
Tonny Tssagovic
Ranch Hand

Joined: Dec 30, 2003
Posts: 226
Okey, this is far from being funny., but I want this thread up, maybe some will post better jokes..
A woman was in her front yard mowing grass when her attractive blond male neighbor came out of his house and went straight to the mailbox.
He opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later he came out of his house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house he went.
As the woman was getting ready to edge the lawn, he came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by his actions the woman asked him, "Is something wrong?"
To which he replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of
minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in
high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Get lost!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money." And, with
that, she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and
pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my
demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure
all over her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from
your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite, because the
electricity was cut off this morning."
===================
Four men go out to play golf one sunny morning. One stays behind in
the clubhouse finishing his drink while the other three head for the
first tee, discussing their children.
"My son Kent," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the
home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own
design and construction firm. He's so successful, in fact, that in
the past year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man, not to be outdone, tells how his son began his career
as a car salesman, but now owns a nationwide dealership. "Norm's so
successful, in fact, that in the past six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."
"Well, my son Greg has worked his way up through a stock brokerage,
and in the past few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift," says the third golfer.
At this point the fourth man arrives at the tee and the other men
tell him that they have been discussing their progeny and ask what line his son is in.
"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out,"
he replies. "For 15 years, Chico's been a hairdresser, and I've just
recently discovered he's gay.
"However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because
his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."
 
I agree. Here's the link: http://aspose.com/file-tools
 
subject: Only fun forwards for fun ...