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Author

Only fun forwards for fun ...

R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Good one
sunitha reghu
Ranch Hand

Joined: Dec 12, 2002
Posts: 937
Originally posted by Chumma Fun:

Enjoy!

hey...chumma...chumma chirikadadooo......
chummaa...chummaa...kariydadooo....
..................
chummma...chummma...chirikadedooo...
(from a mvie song sung by yesudas)...
Translation(dont laugh for nothing and dont cry for nothing)
sunitha reghu
Ranch Hand

Joined: Dec 12, 2002
Posts: 937
Three mothers

Three Mothers, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were all talking about

their daughters.

The Brunette said, "I was looking through my daughters things and I

found cigarettes, I can't believe my daughter smokes." The Redhead said,

"Ladies, I was looking through my daughters things and I found a bottle

of liquor, I can't believe my daughter drinks. The Blonde said, "I was

looking through my daughters things and I found a pack of condoms, I

can't believe my daughter has a penis!"
Chumma Fun
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 04, 2001
Posts: 92

Nice one Sunitha...

Enjoy!
Varun Khanna
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: 1400
Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Int: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard
of this college before!
Candi: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission
into it. What happened is - due to cricket worldcup I scored badly
in 12th. I was getting a paid seat in a good college.
But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') -
"I can not invest so much of money". (The baap actually
said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join
This college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the
most be related to a Shetaki Mahavidyalaya he he he...
Int: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your
engineering.
Cand: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know,
these cricket matches and football worldcup, and tennis tournaments.. It is
difficult to concentrate.. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in
all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
Int: But 4+2 is 6.
Cand: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to
keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really
affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
Int: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Cand: No, no.. I am talking about Exams!!
Int: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Cand: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I
would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for
a job for me in BEST through some relative. (My moms's exact words were -
"Melya, kiti divas fukatache gilat basanar aahes?")
Int: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Cand: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself
was so much of pain!!
Int: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you
worked?
Cand: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current
platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you
can see I have experience of different platforms!
Int: And which languages have you used?
Can: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German,
French, Russian and many other languages he he he...
Int: Why VC is better than VB?
Cand: It is a commom sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher
version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!
Int: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Cand: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language
our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Int: What is your general project experience?
Can: My general experience about projects is - most of the times they
are in pipeline!
Int: Can you tell me about your current job?
Can: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata Infotech ltd. Since joining
BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was
another software like Windows he he he..
Int: Do you have any project management experience?
Can: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel.
I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and
use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers', 'hotfixes', 'SEICMM', 'quality', 'version control',
'deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for
my mistakes!
Int: What are your expectations from our company?
Cand: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have
deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear
t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest wed off also, so as to
avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term (preferably
1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe.
But considering the fact that there is a worldcup in South Africa in Feb
2003, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest
and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Int: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization.
In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to XYZ.
We look forward to working with you."many people smoke in style,
Last year 40 lac people died in style"


- Varun
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
> In wine there is wisdom.
> In beer there is strength.
> In water there is bacteria.
>
> - German Proverb
>
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
>Subject: : Retrenchment Letter
>
>
>Dear staff,
>
>Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy
>in US since last Christmas, Management has decided to implement a scheme
>to put workers of 40 years of age on early retirement. This scheme will be
>known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early)
>
>Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for
>the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination)
>
>Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
>under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers)
>A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED
>as many times as Management deems appropriate
>
>Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for
>Dependants
>or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance)
>Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED
>any further by management
>
>Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity
>Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of
>SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough
>SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been
>trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle
>
>There is Also a Special Scheme Called SARS (SpeciaL Accomodation Rest Scheme) For Employment abroad..
>
>
>Sincerely,
>
>The Management Head
Arjun Shastry
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 13, 2003
Posts: 1874
Originally posted by varun Khanna:
Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
......
Int: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization.
In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to XYZ.
We look forward to working with you."many people smoke in style,
Last year 40 lac people died in style"

In an exclusive Interview to Bexpress Computer,Chairman of Bata Infotech "We only recruit talented engineers from campus or experienced people.Selection always happens through aptitude test followed by group discussion and interview.We are growing at 30% annual growth and our employees are our assets.Bindian Govt should reduce taxes on software purchase etc " .


MH
sunitha reghu
Ranch Hand

Joined: Dec 12, 2002
Posts: 937
His next surgery
Gail Mikels
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 07, 2001
Posts: 634
Yuck!! Now I'm going to have nightmares. Thanks alot!!!


Gail Mikels
sunitha reghu
Ranch Hand

Joined: Dec 12, 2002
Posts: 937
A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his
mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.

Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to
wash your face and hands."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"
Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face
and hands."
The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught
so marched over to inquire what was wrong. "Sister," he mumbled, "Are my
testicles black?"
Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped
back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out
of the way,
had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes
and announced, "Nothing wrong with them!!!"
At this the man yanked off his oxygen mask and screamed, "ARE MY TEST
RESULTS BACK???"
Chumma Fun
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 04, 2001
Posts: 92

Nurse joke from a mallu girl(?).. huh..!

EnjoY!
[ April 23, 2003: Message edited by: Chumma Fun ]
Sumeet Gaikwad
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 07, 2002
Posts: 37
Here are mine:
BOY : I can't leave you..
GIRL : Do you love me so much??
BOY : It's not that. You're standing on my foot.
BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Did you miss me while I was away??
BOY : Were you away??
GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night?
BOY : What time was it??
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest..
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.
GIRL : Do you remember when you proposed to me? I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't speak for an hour.. BOY : Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
GIRL1: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
GIRL2: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
BOY : I'm a photographer.i've been looking for a face like yours! GIRL : I'm a plastic surgeon.i've been looking for a face like yours!!!
BOY : Hi!didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
GIRL : Must've been once.i never make the same mistake twice!!!
BOY : May i have the pleasure of this dance?
GIRL : No,i'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
BOY : Will you come out with me this Saturday?
GIRL : Sorry! i'm having a headache this weekend!!!
BOY : Go on ,don't be shy.Ask me out!
GIRL : Okay,get out!!!
BOY : Shall we go and see a film?
GIRL : I've already seen it!!!
BOY : Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
GIRL : Nah,it was plain bad luck


Sumeet Gaikwad<br />SCJP, SCWCD<br />-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />Nothing is impossible because it spells... I M Possible !!!
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
> GOANS...
> One Goan is Remo Fernandes.
> Two Goans is a Feni distillery.
> Three Goans is a football club.
> Four Goans is an all-night-long beach party.
>
>
>
> MALAYALEES...
>
> One Malayalee is a narial-pani shop.
> Two Malayalees is a boat race.
> Three Malayalees is a Gulf job racket.
> Four Malayalees is an oil slick.
>
> TAMILIANS...
>
> One Tamilian is a fugitive sandalwood smuggler.
> Two Tamilians is a suicide-bomb squad.
> Three Tamilians is a classical music school.
> Four Tamilians is a Jayalalitha fan club.
>
> ANDHRAITES...
>
> One Andhraite is a cycle-rickshaw driver.
> Two Andhraites is a spice shop.
> Three Andhraites is a Naxalite outfit.
> Four Andhraites is the Telugu film industry.
>
> BENGALIS...
>
> One Bengali is a rosagulla shop.
> Two Bengalis is a black-and-white movie.
> Three Bengalis is a Mohun Bagan support group.
> Four Bengalis is a Marxist movement.
>
> RAJASTHANIS...
>
> One Rajasthani is a cattle-seller.
> Two Rajasthanis is a mason.
> Three Rajasthanis is a puppet show.
> Four Rajasthanis is a folk dance-drama.
>
> MANGALOREANS...
>
> One Mangalorean is a supari seller.
> Two Mangaloreans can't stand one another.
> Three Mangaloreans is an Udupi restaurant.
> Four Mangaloreans is a fanatical Konkani Sabha.
>
> BOMBAYITES...
>
> One Bombayite is a hawker.
> Two Bombayites is a film industry.
> Three Bombayites is a slum.
> Four Bombayites is the rush-hour train crowd.
>
> MAHARASHTRIANS...
>
> One Maharashtrian is a bus conductor.
> Two Maharashtrians is a kabaddi match.
> Three Maharashtrians is a Ganpati procession.
> Four Maharashtrians is a Shiv Sena Shakha.
>
> GUJARATIS...
>
> One Gujarati is a share broker in a Mumbai train.
> Two Gujaratis is the total chatter in a Mumbai
> train.
> Three Gujaratis is a rummy game in a Mumbai
> train.
> Four Gujaratis is a dandiya-raas session all
> night long.
>
> KUTCHIES...
>
> One Kutchi is a kirana shop.
> Two Kutchis is a stationery shop.
> Three Kutchis is a saree shop.
> Four Kutchis is the entire Bombay retail trade.
>
> SARDARJIS...
>
> One Sardarji is a truck-driver.
> Two Sardarjis is a roadside dhaba.
> Three Sardarjis is a raagi jatha for kirtan.
> Four Sardarjis are always found in jokes.
>
> SINDHIS...
>
> One Sindhi is a currency racket.
> Two Sindhis is a papad factory.
> Three Sindhis is a duplicate goods shop.
> Four Sindhis is big show-off parties (yeech!).
>
> BIHARIS...
>
> One Bihari is Laloo Prasad Yadav.
> Two Biharis is a booth-capturing squad.
> Three Biharis is a caste killing.
> Four Biharis is the total literate population of
> the state.
>
> BHAIYYAS...
>
> One Bhaiyya is a milkman.
> Two Bhaiyyas is a chanawala (or panipuri wala).
> Three Bhaiyyas is a temple-destruction squad.
> Four Bhaiyyas is a halwai shop.
> And 12 Bhaiyyas is one SMALL family).
>
> KASHMIRIS...
>
> One Kashmiri is a boatman.
> Two Kashmiris is a carpet factory.
> Three Kashmiris is a tourist agency.
> Four Kashmiris is a terrorist outfit.
>
> KANNADIGAS...
>
> One Kannadiga is a coffee estate.
> Two Kannadigas is a Udupi restaurant.
> Three Kannadigas is a pepper powder factory.
> Four Kannadigas is an anti-Cauvery squad.
>
> PUNJABIS...
>
> One Punjabi is chhole-bathure 5 times a week.
> Two Punjabis is one bottle of whisky in one
> night.
> Three Punjabis is a public fist-fight.
> Four Punjabis is 200 kg of excess weight.
>
> PARSIS...
>
> One Parsi is a sentence punctuated with BCs and MCs.
> Two Parsis is a doctor and a lawyer.
> Three Parsis is a 75 year old man and his two
> unmarried sisters.
> Four Parsis is half their remaining population
aadhi agathi
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 29, 2002
Posts: 263
hope you will enjoy or get pissed off!!
There was this guy who went into a bar. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, are you a bettin' man?"
The bartender replied, "Certainly! I'm always a bettin' man!" To which the man said, "I'll bet you $50 that I can lick my right eye."
The bartender thought about this a while and finally agreed to the bet. The man reached up and pulled out his glass right eye and licked it. The bartender groaned and begrudgingly gave the man his $50 telling him to leave his bar.
A week or so later, the same man appeared in the bar. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, are you still a bettin' man?" The bartender replied, "Certainly! I told you I'm always a bettin' man!" To which the man said, "I'll bet you $100 that I can bite my left eye."
Well, the bartender thought he had him on this one! There was no way that he had TWO glass eyes so the bartender agreed. The man reached up to his mouth, pulled out his dentures and clicked them on his left eye. The bartender moaned and paid the man his $100 telling him to get out of his bar.
A week or so later, the same man ventured into the bar again. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, are you still a bettin' man?" The bartender said, although with a little caution this time, "Certainly! I told you I'm always a bettin' man!" To which the man said, "Give me a shot of whiskey." The bartender poured the man a shot and he drank it down. Slamming the glass on the bar he said, "I'll bet you $500 that you can spin me around on this bar stool and I can piss in that glass right where it lays and not miss a drop."
Well, the bartender's eyes lit up. Here was one time that he was certain that he would win! "Agreed!" he cried. Coming out from around the bar, he grabbed onto the man's bar stool and spun it as hard as he could.
Well, the man just let loose and piss flew everyplace! Not so much as one drop even came close to the glass and the bartender was soaked. When he was done, the bartender was laughing and laughing and holding out his hand. The man pulled out his wallet and gave him his $500. But the bartender was puzzled and as he was wiping off his face, he asked the man, "Why did you bet me $500 that you could piss in that shot glass on the bar when you had to have known there wasn't any possible way to do it?"
The man just smiled and told him, "You may have won $500 off me but I bet that guy over in the corner $10,000 that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would just laugh!"


Aadhi
aadhi agathi
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 29, 2002
Posts: 263
A young boy comes home from school and his mother says "What did you do today?"
To which the boy says "Oh the usual, I had a math test, I got an A in spelling and I had sex with my English teacher."
The mother, aghast, doesn't know what to say. She steams and stammers and finally she angrily says "Go in and tell your father what you just told me!"
The boy goes into see his father and says "Gee mom sure is mad."
The father says "Why?"
"I just told her what I did in school today. I had a math test, I got an A in spelling and I had sex with my English teacher."
Well the father is beside himself with joy. He give his son a nudge and a wink and says "Congratulations - you passed a milestone. I'll tell you what, let's go out and celebrate. We'll have some ice cream and then I'll buy you a new bike."
The boy says - "The ice cream sounds great, but can we hold off on the bike a few days - my ass is killing me."
aadhi agathi
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 29, 2002
Posts: 263
Well the King's daughter was into her mid twenties, and the king didn't want his princess to be an old maid. The princess wasn't the most beautiful of women, and wasn't having any luck finding a suitable husband. The King finally decided to take matters into his own hand.
He had flyers printed up and posted all over the kingdom, "who so ever wishes to marry the princess should appear at the castle at noon, the following Sunday."
Only three suitors arrived at the castle. The king decided to have a test to determine who would get his daughter's hand. Each suitor would have to climb the castle wall, swim the moat, and then have sex with one of the castle's cows.
The first suitor didn't even make it over the wall.
The second suitor made it over the wall, but couldn't swim the moat.
The third suitor, climbed the wall, swam the moat, fucked the cow, and wasn't even tired.
The king went up to him, and said "Congratulations, you are the only one worthy enough to marry my daughter."
And the suitor replied, "Forget your daughter, I want your cow!"
Balaji Loganathan
author and deputy
Bartender

Joined: Jul 13, 2001
Posts: 3150
Q: What did Stayfree tell to condom?
A: Boss if you fail, both of us will be out of
business for next
9months.

--------------------------------------------------

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans
life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't

-----------------------------------------------

Q: Who is a gynaecolgist ?
A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for
problems in a place,
where most people find pleasure

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why men doesn't make shhh..kindda of a sound while
pissing ,like women?
Ans:Cos God had given them a six to eight inch long
SILENCER!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Airtel boy asked Spice Girl: what is ur speciality?
Spice Girl: Night time incoming free!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
doctor to his lady patient:' U look so weak and
exausted! Are u having
ur meals three times a day as I had advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A foreign tourist spots a sexy eunuch while walking
down Malabar Hills
and asks:"R u a Prostitute?"
the eunuch replies: "No, I am a substitute."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While paying the bill, the storekeeper objected on a
Rs.500 note. and
asked the girl as to where she keeps the notes. The
Girl replied " In
my bra.."
"That is why Gandhiji's MOUTH IS OPEN.!!" exclaimed
the shopkeeper.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sardhar boy beaten on the ass by his teacher, goes
home, looks at his
back in the mirror and says: "Saale ne maar maar ke
doh tukde kar
diya!!'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The most enjoyable form of sex education is the
Braille method

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Teacher: Why are you rubbing oil on your head while I
am teaching?
Boy: Last night I heard my mum tell my dad,rub oil on
the head if it's
not going in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Santa give twelve roses to his wife, Jeeto, who is
thrilled with Santa's
action She undresses, lies down spreads her legs and
says this is for
the roses.
Santa: Why, can't you find a vase.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that thing?.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The waitress walks up to one of her tables and is
shocked to see three
Japanese men, all sat there masturbating violently.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she
screams.
One of the Japanese guys looks up and says, "Well, it
says on the menu,
First come, First served!".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Santa reads a poster outside a police station "wanted
for rape and
murder cases."
He goes in and says, "Sir I want to apply for the job
on the poster !!!"


Spritle Software Blogs
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Slightly changed and better version...
Well the King's daughter was into her mid twenties, and the king didn't want his princess to be an old maid. The princess wasn't the most beautiful of women, and wasn't having any luck finding a suitable husband. The King finally decided to take matters into his own hand.
He had flyers printed up and posted all over the kingdom, "who so ever wishes to marry the princess should appear at the castle at noon, the following Sunday."
Only three suitors arrived at the castle. The king decided to have a test to determine who would get his daughter's hand. Each suitor would have to climb the castle wall, kill a lion, and then have sex with one of the castle's cows.
The first suitor didn't even make it over the wall.
The second suitor made it over the wall, but never came out of lion's cave.
The third suitor, climbed the wall, entered the cave and came out after 7 hrs.
And the suitor said, "Where is the cow whom I am suppose to kill."
Balaji Loganathan
author and deputy
Bartender

Joined: Jul 13, 2001
Posts: 3150
Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children.Soon
after the last child is born her husband dies. A few weeks later she
remarries and over the following years has another 22 children with
her
second husband. After the last child is born her second husband also
dies.Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third
time.Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her
coffin,looks up to the heavens and says,"At least, they're finally
together."
A man standing next to the priest asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do
you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and her second
husband?"
The priest says, "I mean her legs."
:--)))
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Once there was a cooking competion,
there was an American, Italian and a Sardar. The
Judges are taking their rounds and visit the American Kitchen they see the
American making Burgers and Fries, they are good but the Judges are not
very impressed. Then they go to the Italian kitchen where they smell
Pizza's
and Pasta and are quite impressed. When they come to the Sardar's kitchen
he is seen stirring something in a large frying pan on a very large
stove with a lot of smoke coming from the pan. As the judges are unable to
see what he is cooking they go closer to take a look and they find the pan
completely empty. They ask the Sardar "Tusi Ki bana rahe ho?" Sardar says
"This is our national dish, Main CHUTIYA bana raha hoon."
Varun Khanna
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 30, 2002
Posts: 1400
There was a "Husband Shopping Center" where a woman could go to choose
a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was that once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down to choose a man.
First floor:
The door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and said, "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up they went.
Second floor:
The door had a sign saying: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking."
"Hmmm," said the women. "But, I wonder what's ! further up?"
Third floor:
The door had a sign saying: "These men have high paying jobs, love
kids, and are extremely good looking, and help with the housework."
"WOW!" said the women. "Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up!"
And up they went.
Fourth floor:
The door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids,
are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a
strong romantic streak."
"Oh mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further up!" So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor:
The sign on the door said, "This floor is just to prove that women are
impossible to please. Please exit the building and have a nice day."
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
I think this spam should be here ... have fun.
From: girlqsec@hotmail.com Block Sender | Save Address
To: <fg@w17.indiatimes.com>
Subject: whats up !~~~bh
Date: Sun, 04 May 2003 23:38:49 +1200
Delete message excluding attachments
How are you ?!!.........I'm a new girl in town, I'm 22 years old....Ohdkjy .... I saw your profile on internet which was attractive to me
I recently moved to this area and feel kinda left out because I dont have any friend :[ ...I'm lloking for a
friend to chat with or exchange life sotries or whatever, who knows maybe in the future we'll be more then that......6b6Jl3qq ......If you
would like to know more about me email me back at Joann_317_Arundel@hotmail.com and we can maybe exchange picture or whatever you
want to do. Waiting .....
Later...
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Software Development Cycle ==========================
1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
7. Users find 137 new bugs.
8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free...
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Subject: Fw: SOME CARDS.....
NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF THE
DAY!!!


1. I always wanted
To have someone to hold,
Someone to love.
After meeting you ... (inside card)
I changed my mind.
2. I must admit,
You brought religion into my life ... (inside card)
I never believed in Hell
Until I met you.
3. As the days go by,
I think how lucky I am ... (inside card)
That you're not here
To ruin it for me.
4. Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go ... (inside card)
Will you take the knife from my back?
You'll probably need it again.
5. Someday I hope to marry ... (inside card)
Someone other than you.
6. Happy birthday!
You look great for your age ... (inside card)
Almost lifelike!
7. When we were together,
You said you'd die for me.. . (inside card)
Now we've broken up,
I think it's time
To keep your promise.
8. We've been friends for a very long time ... (inside card)
What do you say we stop?
9. I'm so miserable without you ... (inside card)
It's almost like you're still here.
10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. .
Did you ever find out who the father was
11. You are such a good friend
If we were on a sinking ship
And there was only one life jacket ... (inside card)
I'd miss you terribly
And think of you often.
12. Your friends and I wanted
to do something really special
for your birthday... (inside card)
So we're having you put to sleep.
13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

14. Looking back o'er the years
We've been together,
I can't help but wonder ... (inside card)
What was I thinking?
15. Congratulations on your wedding day!. . . (inside card)
Too bad no one likes your husband.
16. How could two people, as beautiful as you ... (inside card)
Have such an ugly baby?
Balaji Loganathan
author and deputy
Bartender

Joined: Jul 13, 2001
Posts: 3150
There was a chicken and a horse playing together in a barn yard;
suddenly
the horse falls into a pit.
He yells to the chicken, "Go get the farmer, save me, save me!!!".
The chicken goes looking for the farmer but can't find him. So she gets
the
farmer's BMW and drives it over to the mud pit, lassoes the horse, ties
it
to the car and pulls him out.
The horse says, "Thank you, Thank you, I owe you my life.
Then a couple of days later, they are playing there again and this time
the
chicken falls into the mud pit and the chicken says, "Help me!!! Help
me!!!
Go get the farmer! ! ! ".
The horse says, "No No No, I think I can get you"
The horse stretches across the mud pit and tells the chicken, "Grab
onto my
penis"
The chicken grabs on, the horse stretches back, and the horse saves the
chicken's life.
So what's the moral of the story? ?
If you have a penis the size of a horse you don't need a BMW to pick up
chicks"
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
When the Software industry had badly gone down, three software giants
Sun,
SCO(UNIX) ,and Microsoft started producing condoms and named them
Java-condo, CondomiX , and MS-Condome respectively.
A customer using Java-condom complained to Sun that the condom doesn't
fit correctly. Sun replied: "Wait till we get the ISO standard". They
boasted that it will fit to any size irrespective of underlying
structure.
Well, the customer switched to CondomiX and found that by the time he
finshes reading the instructions, given along with condomiX, his wife
sleeping and he himself forgetting why he is using CondomiX. Finally he
swiched to MS-Condome.
To his surprise it was so good...and comfortable!. He used it happily.
Six months later he found that his wife was pregnant. He got angry and
complained to Micrsoft. He got a reply from Microsoft saying "A PATCH
IS
COMING SOON...!"
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Pre-requisite: Please listen to the song "papa kehte hain" from "Quyamat se
Quyamat tak" before reading
this.............
Doston, Aaj Delivery ka Aakhri Din hain,
Aur sabhi ne kuch na kuch file check-in kiya hain
Par maine koi file check-in nahin kiya hain
No really I mean it
Aaaj, Aaj mujhe bar bar ek hi khayal aa raha hain
The song begins here ........
PM ( Project Manager ) kehte hain bada kam karega,
TM ( team member ) hamara bada code likhega,
magar yeh to koi na jaane ,
ke iska template hain kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn
PM kehte hain bada kam karega, aaaaa aaaaaa
[jazzy music in the manner of TDD being typed]
Baithe hain milke,
Sab reviewer apne,
sabke dilon mein armaan yeh hain [eh he eh]
woh Review! mein kal kya bharega,
har ek defect ka Owner kaun hain.....
koi reviewer ka kaam karega,
Defect resolution main koi apna naam bharega,
magar yeh to koi na jaane ,
ke is defect ka owner kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn
PM kehte hain bada kam karega, aaaaa aaaaaa
[jazzy music in the manner of Review defects being closed]
Mera to sapna,
Hain Onsite Jana
Jau jo wahan,
Jhume Bahar
tension badhati,
UAT ka mausam,
client ki masti,
OC ka haal....
banda onsite main 0 defect try karega....
good show mail mein apna naam payega
mujhe bus itna kaho yaaron...
ki mujhe onsite jana kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn
PM kehte hain bada kam karega,
TM hamara bada code likhega,
magar yeh to koi na jaane ,
ke mera appraisal hain kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn
[applause and sounds of developers destroying cubic! les......]
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
This one is brilliant.....read on ..it makes lot of sense!
Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder,
leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Each
time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed
with ice water, which makes them miserable.
Soon enough,whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the
other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up.
Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder. One
of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the
room.
Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other
monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to
climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him
silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the
ladder.
A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again
attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap
out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that
he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating
because all the other monkeys are doing
it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey.
One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are
now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None
of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically
beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.
"AND THAT'S HOW ANY COMPANY'S POLICIES GET ESTABLISHED".
Anonymous
Ranch Hand

Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Posts: 18944
Bush - I have stopped drinking alchol since 16 years. Drinking only water.
Vajpayee- Since 16 years I have not had
Bush : alchol?
Vajpayee: water..I am having only alchol
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
>
> Side Effects Of Alcohol!!!
>
> Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
> Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle.
> Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward.
>
> Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
> Cause: You're lying on the floor.
> Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
>
> Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
> Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
> Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.
>
> Symptom: The floor is moving.
> Cause: You're being dragged away.
> Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.
>
> Symptom: You see multiple reflections of your face.
> Cause: You're trying to puke in the toilet.
> Cure: Stick your finger in your mouth.
>
> Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
> Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
> Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself.
>
> Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the
> music is very repetitive.
> Cause: You're in an ambulance.
> Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.
>
> Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking at you funny.
> Cause: You're in the wrong house.
> Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
>
> Symptom: A huge light is blinding you.
> Cause: You woke up in someone's lawn.
> Cure: Coffee and a long nap.
>
>
>
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
>
> The Gifted Child
>
> A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having
> trouble with one of her students.
>
> The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"
> Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the
> first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and
> I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in
> the third-grade too!"
>
> Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the
> principal's office. While Harry waited in the
> outer office, the teacher explained to the
> principal what the situation was.
>
> The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the
> boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
> questions he was to go back to the first-grade
> and behave.
>
> She agreed.
>
> Harry was brought in and the conditions were
> explained to him and he agreed totake the test.
>
> Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
>
> Harry: "9".
>
> Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
>
> Harry: "36".
>
> And so it went with every question the principal
> thought a third-grade should know.
>
> The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her,
> "I think Harry can go to the third-grade."
>
> Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him
> some questions?" The principal and Harry both
> agree.
>
> Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of
> that I have only two of?
>
> Harry, after a moment "Legs."
>
> Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have
> but I do not have?"
>
> Harry: "Pockets."
>
> Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps
> into?"
>
> Harry: "Pants"
>
> Ms Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a
> T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin
> whitish liquid?
>
> Harry: Coconut
>
> Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes
> out soft and sticky?
>
> The principal's eyes open really wide and before
> he could stop the answer, Harry was taking
> charge.
>
> Harry: Bubblegum
>
> Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a
> woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?
>
> The principal's eyes open really wide and before
> he could stop the answer.
>
> Harry: Shake hands
>
> Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of
> questions, okay?
>
> Harry: Yep.
>
> Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me.You tie
> me down to get me up.I get wet before you do.
>
> Harry: Tent
>
> Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with
> me when you're bored. The best man always has me
> first.
>
> The Principal was looking restless and a bit
> tense.
>
> Harry: Wedding Ring
>
> Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not
> well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
>
> Harry: Nose
>
> Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip
> penetrates. I come with a quiver.
>
> Harry: Arrow
>
> Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends
> in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
>
> Harry: Firetruck
>
> The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told
> the teacher, "Put Harry in the sixth-grade, I got
> the last ten questions wrong myself."
Anonymous
Ranch Hand

Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Posts: 18944
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in? "Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria..."
Balaji Loganathan
author and deputy
Bartender

Joined: Jul 13, 2001
Posts: 3150
Originally posted by <Balu - the bear>:
in? "Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria..."

Are you an Indian ? If so why you are degrading your own mother country ??
Anonymous
Ranch Hand

Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Posts: 18944
It is better than your jokes. :roll:
Originally posted by Balaji Loganathan:

Are you an Indian ? If so why you are degrading your own mother country ??
Anonymous
Ranch Hand

Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Posts: 18944

Are you from US?
Originally posted by Balaji Loganathan:

Are you an Indian ? If so why you are degrading your own mother country ??
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Originally posted by Balaji Loganathan:
Are you an Indian ?

It was nice joke ..
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
To live a life, one needs brain, reflex, perception, looks, IQ,knowledge, way of __expression & many more mental qualities. Hats off 2 u coz u manage 2 live without them.
==============
If u hide, i'll seek 4 u. If u r lost, i'll search 4 u. If u'll leave, i'll wait 4 u. If days take u away 4m me, i'll fight 4 u. But, if u stop sending msgs, i'll kill you.
==============
I saw something in a shop window. It was stunning, cute, simply adorable. I was supposed 2 buy it 4 u, then I realised it was my reflection.
==============
Once god came up 2 me & granted me a wish. I asked 4 "world peace". That's impossible, he said. Then I asked him 2 give u brain. He said "Let me try world peace"
==============
Falling in love is a sweet ambition, finding true love is a life time mission.. Take my word, follow the Indian tradition & marry ur dad's ugly decision !
==============
Good looks catch the eyes but Good Personality catches the heart, You are blessed with both!. FLATTERED?. Don't Be, it was sent to me, I just wanted you to read it.
==============
From Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, >From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u have never changed. For me, you've always been........... a headache !
==============
1 day u'll B srprisd 2C ME beside U. U & ME laughing, U & ME crying, U & ME dreaming, U & ME holding on, U & ME... just U & ME sitting in a MENTAL HOSPITAL & ME CHECKING U.
==============
I cannot hide this from u any more. I don't want 2 hurt u and I feel it's best if I tell u, before you hear it from someone else ............ Potato Prices Have Gone Up !
==============
Could u fax me ur photo very very urgently ? Mind u - it's really very very urgent, damn serious and very imp ..... I'm playing cards and we've misplaced the JOKER.
==============
If u save this msg, it means I'm cute. If u edit this, I'm still cute. If u fwd this, u r spreading that i'm cute & if u erase this, u r jealous of me coz i'm cute!
==============
Good morning...Have u done two of the most important things when you wake up today? 1)Pray, so that u may live... 2)Take a bath-so that others may live too!
==============
Dark were those days, without your sight. When I was in darkness, you gave me light. You gave me strength 2 make life bright. Thank you so much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Some french newspaper announced competition with a following
question:
You're sitting in elegant restaurant with a beautiful woman. You
must
go to
the toilet for a second. How would you tell her in the most
well-mannered
way?
Answer:
- Excuse me madam but I have to go out for a second and help my
friend
whom
you'll meet later.
~~~~~~~~
Drug and alcohol addicition had plauged the human race for
recorded
history, but at last medical researchers discovered a new pill
that
cured
addicts or alcoholics of their obsession. Just one pill, taken
once
only.
In addition it had miraculous psychiatric powers and removed all
the
character defects the addicts had developed while using.
A recovering addict and a recovering alcoholic were discussing the
good
news, although neither had yet taken the drug.
The Alcoholic says to the junkie " Isn't this new drug that
cures
addicition and character defects wonderful?" The junkie says, "
Yeah
man,
it's quite some boon to the human race." "Uhh, what do you think
would
happen if I took five of those pills?"
~~~~~~~~
An American tourist is in Scotland, and while touring
the moors, she comes upon a Scotsman who got drunk the
night before and passed out under a tree. She sees that
the man is out cold and decides to satisfy her curiosity
about what Scottish men have under their kilts.
So she tiptoes over to the man, lifts up his kilt, and
sees for sure that the rumors are true! So she takes out
a ribbon, ties it on the Scotsman and leaves. When the
man wakes up, he has to pee really badly, so he goes over
to the creek, lifts up his kilt, sees the ribbon, and
says, "I don't know what you've done or where you've been,
but I'm happy you got first prize!
~~~~~~~~
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon
suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing
for bed, the husband who was a big burly man tossed his
pants to his bride and said,"Here put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of
her body. "I can't wear your pants" she said. "That's
right," said the husband, "and don't you ever forget
it. I'm the man, and I wear the pants in this family".
With that, she flipped him her panties and said "Try
these on." He tried them on and found he could only get
them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said, "I can't
get into your panties!" She replied, "That's right, and
that's the way it's going to be until your attitude
changes."
~~~~~~~~

Two Blondes were walking down the street. One noticed
a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up.
She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm,
this person looks familiar."
The second Blonde said, "Let me look!"
The first Blonde handed her the compact. The second
Blonde looked in the mirror and said, "You dumb ass,
it's me!"
~~~~~~~~
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
The doctor told a man that masturbating before sex often helped
men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the heck,
I'll try it." He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to
do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the
restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but
figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On
the way home from work, he pulled his truck over on the side of
the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if examining the
truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started
to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he
grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at his pant leg. Not
wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes
shut and replied, "What?"He heard, " This is the police. What in
the hell are you doing?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the
rear axle, it's busted." The cop says, "Well, you better check
your brakes to o, because your truck rolled down the hill 5
minutes ago."
-----------------------
Stomach pains
A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him
what
he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious
but
can
be cured by inserting a suppository up his anal passage. The
man
agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend
over
and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him
a
second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours.
So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the
second
suppository inserted, but he finds that he cannot reach himself
properly
to obtain the required depth. He calls his wife over and tells
her
what
to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him
and
with the other shoves the medicine home. Suddenly the man
screams,
"DAMN!" "What's the matter?" asked the wife, "Did I hurt you?"
"No," replies the man, "but I just realized that when the doctor
did
that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulder."
_______________________
Pope on a plane
A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that
the
Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting," thought the
gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps
I'll be
able to see him in person."
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to
him.
Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff.
Shortly
after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. "This is
fantastic," thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at
crosswords.
Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance."
Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said,
"Excuse
me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that
ends
in 'unt'?" Only one word leapt to mind. "My goodness," thought
the
gentleman, "I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another
word."
The gentleman thought for quite a while, then it hit him. Turning
to
the pope, the gentleman said, "I think the word you're looking for
is
'aunt'."
"Of course," said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"
_______________________
Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he
had heard of the new sex position called rodeo. His friend says
no, what is it?
Well you mount your wife from the back, reach around and cup her
breasts with both hands.
Then say, "Boy, those are almost as nice as your sisters".
Then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds.
_______________
At a local college, there was a dance.
A guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they
were
dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we
call
this a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug
too."
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In
America, we call this a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we
call it a kiss too."
Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes
her
out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and
says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich". She says,
"Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually
put more meat in it."
______________________
Three friends decided to bet each other $100 on who could make
their
wives scream more from sex.
They all go home to have sex with their wives and make them
scream.
The next day the meet. The first friend says, "I made love to my
wife
for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours."
The second friend says, "That's nothing, I start licking my wife
for
two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after
that."
The third friend says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife
for ten
minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and
she
still screaming."
______________________________
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance
from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a
hooker
and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they
did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking
out
the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a
taxi
driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."
________________________

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are
going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
example of a
multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'
Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your
multi-syllable
word?'
Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a
mouthful.'
Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a
blowjob"
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permaculture playing cards
 
subject: Only fun forwards for fun ...