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Jokes in English

W. Joe Smith
Ranch Hand

Joined: Feb 10, 2009
Posts: 710
Joanne Neal wrote:Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes ?

A. No idea.



Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs ?

A. Still no idea.


What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.


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Monu Tripathi
Rancher

Joined: Oct 12, 2008
Posts: 1369
    
    1

Why is Tabu called complement of Sri-Devi?
Because Sri-Devi acted in film called "Chandni" and Tabu in "Chandni BAR".

Note: Tabu and Sri-Devi are Bollywood actresses and they have actually acted in the movies mentioned.



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Greg Charles
Sheriff

Joined: Oct 01, 2001
Posts: 2848
    
  11

Wow, some of these take some thinking! Sri-Devi and Chandri are also deities right? The hearer would initially think you were talking about goddesses, but then it turns out to just be actresses, hence the humor? The "no idea" one took me awhile too, until I realized that regional pronunciation can make idea sound like eye-deer. That one would be better spoken.

Here's a longer one I just heard:

The mob hires a deaf accountant, which seems like a good idea because if he gets questioned by the police he can honestly say he hasn't overheard anything about any shady business practices. It works well, until the mob boss realizes a cool quarter million in funds have disappeared. He questions the accountant through a sign language interpreter.

Boss: where's my money?
Accountant (signs): I don't have it.
Boss (pulling out a gun and holding to the accountant's head): WHERE'S MY MONEY?
Accountant (signs): OK, don't shoot! It's in a brown paper bag hidden under the floorboard in my office.
Interpreter (translating): He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger.


Vikas Kapoor
Ranch Hand

Joined: Aug 16, 2007
Posts: 1374
Greg Charles wrote:Wow, some of these take some thinking! Sri-Devi and Chandri are also deities right? The hearer would initially think you were talking about goddesses, but then it turns out to just be actresses, hence the humor? The "no idea" one took me awhile too, until I realized that regional pronunciation can make idea sound like eye-deer. That one would be better spoken.


Thanks for making it understood.
Pat Farrell
Rancher

Joined: Aug 11, 2007
Posts: 4646
    
    5

Joanne Neal wrote:Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
A. No idea.


I completely missed this one, until someone down thread explained that you need a Boston accent so that it gets an extra "R" on the end. Which always amazes me, they also pronoun Mr Castro's island nation "Cuber" and Washington (as in DC) Warshington. I assume all these extra Rs come from the ones they don't pronouce such as "wash the car" which comes out "wash the cah"
Vikas Kapoor
Ranch Hand

Joined: Aug 16, 2007
Posts: 1374
Greg Charles wrote:Wow, some of these take some thinking! Sri-Devi and Chandri are also deities right? The hearer would initially think you were talking about goddesses, but then it turns out to just be actresses, hence the humor?

Not exactly. I tried googling for bar (don't know the spelling for bar) but couldn't found any proper link as I don't know the spelling. But the link is between BAR(Math one) and Complement (Digital Electronics). Monu might be able to provide a link.
Monu Tripathi
Rancher

Joined: Oct 12, 2008
Posts: 1369
    
    1

Wow, some of these take some thinking! Sri-Devi and Chandri are also deities right? The hearer would initially think you were talking about goddesses, but then it turns out to just be actresses, hence the humor?

Whoa!
The joke is that it is a very very pathetic attempt at humor.

In Set theory, complements are denoted using BARs, like complement of A would be A bar (horizontal bar on top of A). These actresses worked in "Chandni" and "Chandni Bar" so the movies become complement of each other. the actresses play lead role in the movie and therefore, they become complement of each other.

I assume all these extra Rs come from the ones they don't pronouce such as "wash the car" which comes out "wash the cah"
Joanne Neal
Rancher

Joined: Aug 05, 2005
Posts: 3446
    
  12
Pat Farrell wrote:
Joanne Neal wrote:Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
A. No idea.


I completely missed this one, until someone down thread explained that you need a Boston accent so that it gets an extra "R" on the end. Which always amazes me, they also pronoun Mr Castro's island nation "Cuber" and Washington (as in DC) Warshington. I assume all these extra Rs come from the ones they don't pronouce such as "wash the car" which comes out "wash the cah"


It works with most English accents (including mine*) as well but for the opposite reason. The 'r' in deer is very soft so it is hardly pronounced and so ends up sounding like 'dea'.

* A mixture of Black Country and West Country - all the English ranchers are now trying (and probably failing) to imagine what exactly that sounds like


Joanne
Deepak Bala
Bartender

Joined: Feb 24, 2006
Posts: 6661
    
    5

My favorite

Two atoms were walking down the street. One said to the other 'I think I just lost an electron'. The other atom says 'Sure ?'. To which the first atom replies 'I am Positive'.


When I narrated this at my last job, I could hear some crickets at the end of the joke. Then I had to explain it and then people went 'ohhh. ok.'.


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Greg Charles
Sheriff

Joined: Oct 01, 2001
Posts: 2848
    
  11

Monu Tripathi wrote:
Wow, some of these take some thinking! Sri-Devi and Chandri are also deities right? The hearer would initially think you were talking about goddesses, but then it turns out to just be actresses, hence the humor?

Whoa!
The joke is that it is a very very pathetic attempt at humor.

In Set theory, complements are denoted using BARs, like complement of A would be A bar (horizontal bar on top of A). These actresses worked in "Chandni" and "Chandni Bar" so the movies become complement of each other. the actresses play lead role in the movie and therefore, they become complement of each other.

I assume all these extra Rs come from the ones they don't pronouce such as "wash the car" which comes out "wash the cah"


Yeah, I see that play on words, but I still think it's got the bathos going for it (goddesses become actresses).

In that vein, here's the most esoteric joke of all time:

Q. Who was Which Tyler?
A. Leader of the Pedants' Revolt

Get it? I'd be amazed if you did!

A close second:

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender calls out, "Hey, Rene, how about a pitcher of Bud Light?" Descartes scoffs, "I think not," and he disappears.



Joanne Neal
Rancher

Joined: Aug 05, 2005
Posts: 3446
    
  12
Greg Charles wrote:Q. Who was Which Tyler?
A. Leader of the Pedants' Revolt

Get it? I'd be amazed if you did!


You have a very low opinion of your fellow ranchers. Anyway I got it, so you are now officially amazed
English grammar and history in one joke. Perhaps it should be made part of the school syllabus.
Greg Charles
Sheriff

Joined: Oct 01, 2001
Posts: 2848
    
  11

No, that's not it. I have a very high opinion of myself, and that joke had to be explained to me. At some length. Good on you for getting it though!

Just to keep things rolling, here's another kid's riddle:

Q. What can go up a chimney down, but not down a chimney up?
A. An umbrella.
 
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subject: Jokes in English