Zoots Allures

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since Oct 19, 2004
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Recent posts by Zoots Allures

Caught finally after 3 years

- Yes my April Fools day joke user - I'll disappear, until the next April Fools day. Must be some kind of record - three years?.

Frank Zappa - Zoots Allures
16 years ago
Last time I took leave, I did just that and never when back. Even after I had resigned they STILL would not let me take any time off - so I found the simple solution.

Missed a trick mind - should have send them a few Postcards. - even a few with pictures of london buses on them [ --busCount; ]...
[ April 04, 2007: Message edited by: Zoots Allures ]
16 years ago
Was just being silly - moosing around if you like!
[ April 04, 2007: Message edited by: Zoots Allures ]
16 years ago
So the moose's name is Ruby. Cheers for letting us know. Often wondered if it had a name.
16 years ago
Oh man - thats just so uncool - spent the whole day trying to install this. And you are now saying it was just a joke. My toilet will never be the same...

You'll be telling me next that Unix was not developed as an April fools joke? Unix; April Fools Joke

[ April 02, 2007: Message edited by: Zoots Allures]
[ April 02, 2007: Message edited by: Zoots Allures ]
16 years ago
That�s it � I declare a crisis in the software industry. This is being brought about by a skills shortage. The future is bleak, as a lack of software engineers will have a serious effect on the economy, and lead to a downturn and a full grown recession. Inflation will rocket at unseen rates, oil prices will continue to rise, unemployment will grow.

We must act now�. Before it is too late�.
Speed is an issue - so you best develop in assembler - this works well with SSADM - there are a few SSADM to assember CASE / RAD tools. Also why use third party tools - why not develop your own IDE's, database, persistance models, version control systems (etc) - heck why not develop your own language as well. Thats the best way to work.
Some interview advice:

Be late � all good programmers are always late. Or turn up on time, but in the wrong building or office.

Wear bright uncorrelated clothing. Also make sure you are wearing an offensive t-shirt.

Don�t do any written tests, instead draw pictures. Better if these can be offensive and rude.

Answer open questions with one word answers, and answer closed questions by babbling on for long periods about irreverent subjects. Always try to make the interviewer feel as if they are wasting your time, with such stupid questions. Be rude and try to offend the interviewer(s).

Misinterpret any questions that are asked, blame the interviewer for any stupid answers that you give.

Try your best to be confrontational (shows that you are keen), argue about technologies and disagree with any question. If you do well � you should be able to escalate this into a physical fight.

Either shout your answers, or talk too quietly. Best approach is to mix both techniques. Try to speak in a false foreign accent � or pick a person you admire and impersonate them. Better if you impersonate on the interviewers � even ask them the same questions back.

Make sure you are suitability drunk beforehand. Take a drink into the interview � and of course offer the interviewer a drink. Try to spill the liquid over the interviewer.

Smoke � light up while waiting in the reception, and chain smoke thought out the interview. Put out burring cigarettes using the furniture.

Lie � pretend that you have done things that you have not. Make sure your lies are unbelievable (as should your CV be) � for example: pretend that you were an astronaut in your previous role.

Watch out for the �where do you see yourself in a few years time� question. Say something like, well doing your job � as it sounds like you are clueless and should be sacked.

If driving to the location, park in the most important reserved parking bay. Or block the main entrance with your vehicle.

During a telephone interview � make sure there is a lot of loud noise in the background, and keep hanging up � shows that you are busy.
And finally �if you get the job (which will not happen) � don�t turn up on your start date.
Dude, is �Powerbuilder� a new word like for building cool systems but with POWER� Sounds sweet� Should I learn this, or just keep going with this other stuff�

Looks like I�ll have another year of study [and surfing] � cos my project deadline has gone, I�m off surfing anyway�.
URGENT, can anyone [please, please, please] teach me to programme. I have a college assignment that is due in 10 minutes time. I need to be taught Java, Haskell and Prolog as the assignment requires me to develop a neural network in all three languages.

Also would it be possible for someone to write the code for me? I would have done in myself � but I could not stop partying during term, and I also needed to go surfing each afternoon and so missed a few classes.
Ah, Elcipse that tool is just far to complex. You really need to master a proper editor. For example you must learn how to edit using ed or edlin for MS-DOS.

Next you may wish to start editing in Hexdecmal, that should sort all your problems. Then you can start playing with JVM binary code.
IMPORTANT: THIS IS NOW VERY, VERY, VERY, VEY URGENT.

I am re-posting as the current applications received are frankly, disappointing. You must have at least fifty years of programming experience, thirty of which in an object orientated language. You must be able to demonstrate your knowledge by describing in detail your contribution to the design and development of a popular modern programming language.

Applications must have also demonstrated leadership attributes, either in a commercial arena (senior manager who has been responsible for over one thousand employees), or a military captivity (General / Air Marshal / Admiral ranks and above only).

Potentially, you should also have achieved a top award with a major sport (Olympic medal for example).

Further, applications who have been awarded a MBE / CBE / KBE are encouraged.

Covering letters are to be no shorter than ten pages, and handwritten on gold leaf paper. Emailed reponses are not welcome. Please deliver in person, to our offices, at 06:00 hours on the 1st of April.
[ April 02, 2007: Message edited by: Zoots Allures ]
First, find the code


and change it to


Then recompile the kernel. You should now be able to mount the null device driver
Then attach the device to the null port. Easy.