Positions with unrealistic requirements

Since I am looking for a job anyway, I thought we should start posting these positions with unrealistic requirements on this site, so people will learn to recognize a hoax.
I will post a few starters, let me know if this is appropriate
Shura

Company: GlaxoSmithKline
Position: System Architect/Programmer
Description:
We are seeking a results-oriented, experienced Architect / Programmer for development of a system for the Finance organization. This application will be web-based, utilizes an Oracle database, and will be used by GMS (Global
Manufacturing and Supply) Finance people around the world in the manufacturing areas. Successful candidate will modify the existing Oracle
based database, design the system using existing specifications and then participate in the coding of the system. The position requires about 50%
Oracle development and about 50% web development.
Essential requirements:
�Experience in designing and implementing Oracle Databases
�Mastery of Microsoft development tools including object-oriented programs
design, COM, ASP, Active Server pages, Visual InterDev, VB, VBScript,
ActiveX, HTML, DHTML, and IIS technologies.
�Strong knowledge of MS Excel
�Experience in creating Cognos PowerPlay reports
�Minimum 3-5 years IT experience
�Strong interpersonal skills as well as a demonstrated history of delivering
systems within plan timelines.
�Strong analytical skills
My resume matches this perfectly. There is only one technology that I haven't worked with, and it is a pathetic and easy-to-learn-on-the-job-in-a-week Cognos PowerPlay reporting tool. Clearly, text in bold says it is not a report writer positions. When my agent contacts them, they come back saying that "Cognos PowerPlay is a MUST have skillset". Boo

Company: Modis
Position: Java Developer
Description:
They need the following skillset: Java Applets, JSP, DHTML, XML, HTTPS for communication with the Web Services tier through a firewall, SOAP (Simple Object Access Protocol) over HTTP, J2EE, JMS for messaging EJB for business logic JDBC for connection pooling,JNDI for resource lookups WebLogic 6.1, DBMS,Oracle required and LDAP Server.
Five years of Java experience is required.
For immediate consideration please forward your resume and salary requirements today! Alicia.Loerzel@modisit.com
We can not provide relocation or sponsorship of any kind. We can not guarentee that all resumes will be responded to. We Thank you for your patience.
Now, the fun part
Starting salary: 35 USD per hour
And this is with average Java programmer salary almost in 6 figures

I saw one recently that was looking for 5 years Java development with a PhD in Comp Sci or Engineering. They were willing to go to $75,000.

Personnel or someone who doesn't understand the resumes is screening resumes to reduce a big pile of them. I was turned down for one, because I didn't have recent C. C was just one of several requirements for the job. I have 7 years experience in C, but have been using newer languages more recently.

That is a real issue, about reducing the pile of resumes. I just recently went through that for a position my company advertised on Monster. We had so many junk resumes submitted that all I could do was skim them quickly; those with more instances of the keywords I wanted went in the 'keep' pile for further examination, the rest were tossed.
As much as it would sound nice to say I read all the resumes in detail, with 160 resumes, most of which were complete trash, there just wasn't the time for a careful reading of them all. You have little choice when you get resumes from people who only wrote html pages for a dot.com applying for a job requiring deep DBA experience. The noise level is so high it is very easy to miss resumes from viable candidates.

From Dice:
Super Hot BioTech Company located in San Diego seeks a Sr. Bioninformatics Specialist/SW Engineer for high profile position. We have more than 20,000 employees worldwide and sales of almost 6.3 billion dollars last year.
Environment: Java, Oracle, Weblogic
Description:
Responsibilities will include:
-needs analysis
-functional & presentation design
-programming for development of bioinformatics
applications.
Qualifications:
-BS/MS in Biology, PHD preferred
-3+ yrs of Web development experience with Java and
Oracle
-2+ yrs of server side java (servlets)
-3+ of SQL (programming)
-1+ yrs of Bioninformatics experience
Plusses:
Oracle DBA exp
-----------------------
So they are looking for Java, Oracle (DBA), Weblogic experience with a PhD and are willing to pay $85,000! There was another one offering $51,000. Does Bioinformatics experience reduce your salary?

I guess it doesn't, but 20,000 employees do!

My roomate is a graphics designer who has been looking for work for over a year. He's continually frustrated by job postings that want all the design and creative background, but then, almost as an afterthought, demand DHTML experience and Java certification. Oh, and the salary range is usually in the $25 to $30 K range.
Sounds to me like they're wanting to hire web developers but don't want to pay web developer salaries.
bear

I saw a ad on Times of India Classified
Female Java programmers required
male need not apply
I dont know whether they want Java programmer or something else

I had an agent who was looking for someone with 5 years J2EE experience.

Originally posted by Sameer Jamal:
I saw a ad on Times of India Classified
Female Java programmers required
male need not apply
I dont know whether they want Java programmer or something else

Maybe it's for a Playboy pictorial, "The Girl Java Programmers of India"! :roll:

I am originally from Eastern Kentucky. If anyone here knows of this area, you know it is one of the most economically depressed areas in the country. Not because some people haven't tried but because the local people who DO have money also own all the land. To date, the area has driven out two medical schools and two state universities that wanted to build there. Anyway, a company moved in called Sykes. They provide tech support for companies like Gateway and others. So, I naturally applied. I thought "YES! finally a decent job where I live!" I was offered a job as a network admin(the job I applied for) for their internal networks. I asked them how much it paid and here is the kicker--$6.50/hour(NO benefits). Note that this is a full time position. Needless to say I turned it down (in a quite harsh manner)and moved to Cincinnati.
Sykes granted an interview with a local newspaper shortly after I left and was asked why they were paying so little for skilled positions.
"We don't want to force other businesses out of business by making them have to pay more to keep their employees."
My butt, its because they moved their company there because it is the best place to find cheap labor without moving to Mexico.
Rant is now finished.

I mentioned this a hwile back, but I'll bring it up again, if you come across any dum ads, please let me know. I've made it a crusade of mine to stamp out such ignorance. Whenever I come across such an ad, I contact them and explain the issues in detail. I've helped a few hiring managers that way, and hopefully made the world a better place for programmers.
--Mark

This employer originally disqualified me because I did not have five years' experience with Swing. After I informed that Swing has not been around that long, I never heard back, but today their as has re-appeared on HotJobs:

Sunday & Associates

View all job posting
for this company

Java Swing Gui developer
Job ID: 444
Location: New York, NY
Date Posted: 05/23/2002
Gui developer/Java Swing
This person will eventually take responsibility for all client-side (GUI) support and enhancements of a major product of the company. I am looking for a mid-level person who is looking to become more senior.
Should be a great coder with excellent design skills, very experienced in Swing libraries, Java, GUI, and have significant database experience. Minimum of 4 years with Java 2+ years of Java Swing programming - this is very important as the majority of the work is user-interface Excellent communication skills The ability to take on a large amount of responsibility and to handle deadlines 2+ years of any database experience (SQL, JDBC, etc.) Unix experience User interface design
Established firm in NYC
Full benefits and equity

So they acknowledged their mistake, but still did not consider me for even a phone interview - I think that I embarrassed them.

Here's a poor sucker who didn't realize that Java technology was released in 1996 (requires 7 - 9 years experience):

Email: resumes@sharpdecisions.com
Web: www.sharpdecisions.com

Position ID: R4765
DICE ID: sharpdec

Job Description:
* Include the ref# when applying for this position.
Major brokerage firm is seeking a Senior Java
Developer for the Fixed e-Trading Application. Must
have 7 to 9 years of Java, Oracle, Tibco, Unix, Web
Logic and financial industry esperience.

Hey Mark,
How about this?
http://forums.technology.monster.com/viewmessage.asp?messageid=2261531

Michael, I looked at that link. I can't speak to the second one, but the response to the first ad seems almost whiny. I don't see anything wrong with the ad. I can easily see a senior engineer with a 4 year degree, 8 years exp, and 3 years in a senior role. Along with this, 5 years with "advanced Microsoft technologies" is not uncommon for someone like this.
The claim the poster made is that there are ASP developers who aren't prgrammers. I'm sure this is true. They could never qualify. But there are also programmers who found that they needed to incorporate ASP into their applications. They are the ones who will have the 3 years VB & ASP experience in addition to the above requirements.
I'm not the biggest expert with MS technology, am I missing something?
--Mark

No Mark, you got me. I didn't read the following threads on Monster. I think "IT Executive" pointed out that you dont "break in" to IT in a lead architect role. Totally valid.
"oops"
:-)

Hey guys, when exactly was Linux released? I just saw an ad that required 5 years of Linux...Is this possible?
Shura

It's possibly possible.

But think of the ramifications of applying for that job.
"Yes sir, I have worked with Linux for 5 years and I'd like to do that for 5 more. I don't believe in expanding my horizons and growing my skillset."

Originally posted by Michael Morett:
It's possibly possible.
But think of the ramifications of applying for that job.
"Yes sir, I have worked with Linux for 5 years and I'd like to do that for 5 more. I don't believe in expanding my horizons and growing my skillset."

I wouldn't consider working with a particular OS for any amount of time as limiting one's skillset. Replace the word "Linux" with "Unix" or "NT" and you will see what I mean. While I think it's a little silly to require *5* years of Linux for any position (outside of OS level programming of course), the various flavors of *NIX do require a different (and IMHO more advanced) set of skills than say NT.

is it possible to have 5-7 years experience programming with Java in a financial setting? I know that Java's been around for 6 years, but honestly, were banks using it as of jdk 1.1? These ads are really starting to tick me off:

Skills: Swing, J2EE, EJB developer, financial exp

Date Posted: 05/30/02
Location: New York, NY
Area code: 212

Tax Term: Contract (Independent)
Contract (W2)
Pay: market
Length: 12 months

Email: mark@harrisonreed.com
Web: www.dice.com/harrison

Position ID: 6010
DICE ID: harrison

Job Description:
Large brokerage firm located in Midtown needs a very
technical Swing developer who has solid hands on
expereince with J2EE and EJB developmemt.
MUST have 5-7 years of java development expereince in
a brokerage or financial setting.

No third parties
We do not sponsor
Local candidates only

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contact for more information:
Mark Harrison
Harrison Reed Computer Consulting
438 Springfield Ave
Suite 2
Berkeley Heights, NJ 07922
Tel: 908-464-5550

I worked at a major brokerage firm in 1996 and we were looking at Java technology for enterprise development (and determining that it was useless for the most part). In 1997, we did some deeper analysis and again determined that Java was not ready for prime time. It was not until the release of servlets that financial firms started taking a serious look at Java but even then the first release of servlets didn't support cookies or session tracking. Java 2 didn't even ship until December 1998. I would be very surprised to find a major financial firm that made any kind of major commitment to Java development prior to the end of 1998.

Another funny Job add.Isn't it ?
http://www.jobsdb.com/SG/EN/Ad.asp?R=JDBS020468103
who is writing this,the Project manager or the HR.?

Company: Cabrey Associates, LLC
.NET Developers - Awesome oppty!

Requirements:
2-3 years experience in Microsoft .NET development, including VB.NET, ASP.NET, ADO.NET, and web services.
Strong design and programming skills are required.
Experience in HTML, Javascript, CSS,XML/XSL, OO design, UML, Internet Information Server, SQL Server, stored procedures is a must.
Crystal Reports, multi-threaded applications, Visual C++, development for WAP devices or Pocket PC a plus!

Interested candidates kindly respond to LisaOsborne@Cabrey-Associates.com to take advantage of this exciting opportunity!
------------------------------------------------
Here's full link:
http://www.jobcircle.com/classifieds/116132.html?qs=web%2Cvb%2Cjava%2Csales%2Ctester%2Csas%2Cpeoplesoft%2Chelpdesk%2Cas400
I've seen other ads by this Lisa Osborne. She has NO SLIGHTEST CLUE about technologies and what is appropriate. Apparently, she missed the fact that .NET Beta was released last year, and full version in February of 2002.
Shura
[ June 05, 2002: Message edited by: Shura Balaganov ]

You've really got to see this. A Senior level web developer for $400/week - no benefits. And they are particular about the applicant NOT being junior level:
http://newyork.craigslist.org/eng/4138188.html
And this is in NYC. Any apartments for $400/month in NYC?

Well the NYC job is at least listed as a part-time job... so if that's about 4 hours per week...

On the other hand, isn't it rather odd to see "internship" and "senior-level" in the same posting?
grins,
bear

Originally posted by Bear Bibeault:
Well the NYC job is at least listed as a part-time job... so if that's about 4 hours per week...
On the other hand, isn't it rather odd to see "internship" and "senior-level" in the same posting?
grins,
bear

I forgot to mention that I sent a sarcastic e-mail to them, and they DID call me...the job is eight hours/day, five days/week!

Ah! So it's a 40-hour/week yet part-time, senior-level yet internship, that pays $10 per hour. Who could pass up such an incredible opportunity?
grins,
bear

US-NY-New York City-Senior Developer
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Senior Developer
Our company is looking for someone with a professional demeanor, strong written and verbal communication skills, who is willing to travel, and has a minimum of six years development experience. Multitasking is imperative. Candidates are expected to manage and develop multiple projects simultaneously. They will be responsible for designing/developing/implementing standalone and multi-tier applications using C/C++, Java, JavaScript, VBScript and Visual Basic. Projects will involve client/server development with J2EE, XML, XSL, JMS, HTML, JSP, Servlet with a lot of client side application (ActiveX, DCOM, Java Applet). A proven technical knowledge must be demonstrated of a variety of hardware platforms, operations systems, and client/server and Internet architectures. Knowledge should include experience with some of the following: NT, Windows 2000 Server, IBM, Linux, HP, Sun, HP-UX, AIX, DB2 Database, Oracle 8I/9I, SQL Server, SMP, clusters, N-tier, distributed processing, Load balancing, network, Data Warehousing, and E-commerce model. It is a plus if candidates have a working knowledge of biometrics, JNI, image processing, embedded system or encryption.
IBG is the biometric industry's leading consulting and technology solutions firm. Since 1996, IBG has provided independent biometric expertise to financial institutions, government agencies, systems integrators, and high-tech companies.
IBG's capabilities are based on real-world, hands-on experience with leading biometric technologies - including finger-scan, facial-scan, and iris-scan - in applications such as enterprise solutions, large-scale identification, and access control.
Local candidates preferred. No relocation or Visa sponsorship available.
Please send cover letter, resume with salary history and requirements (only resumes with this information will be considered) to career@biometricgroup.com Please put Senior Developer in subject line.
Contact: IBG
Link
-------------------------------------------------------------
Shouldn't I as candidate also be able to stand on my head, fire bullets out of my arse and convert metal to gold? :roll:
Shura
[ June 27, 2002: Message edited by: Shura Balaganov ]