This week's book giveaway is in the OO, Patterns, UML and Refactoring forum. We're giving away four copies of Refactoring for Software Design Smells: Managing Technical Debt and have Girish Suryanarayana, Ganesh Samarthyam & Tushar Sharma on-line! See this thread for details.
Hi Friends, On a sober note, this thread is dedicated to TINTIN HERGE and all those who found their enthusiasm dampened by the supposedly puerile antics of the 4 guys(me,Rahul,Stevie and Sahir). An attempt is being made to restore smile on all faces and gladden the hearts of those who were hurt. Cheers!! We love you TINTIN and we love all on Javaranch. Lets start rolling.....err, falling....head over heels.....in love.
To make amends for ruining TINTIN's thread, I will join with a serious contribution. I have myself wondered about love. Love can have many meanings and definitions. There is the "heady" feeling of romantic/erotic love. The sex-linked erotic love is transient and many object to it being called love at all - rather a chemical reaction in the brain. Not only is it transient, it is also delusional, because a person on a love trip is likely to feel omnipotent enough to ignore reality, which will assert itself pretty soon. Then there is a more mature, sustaining love, comprehending a sense of responsibility and commitment. M. Scott Peck defines love thus: "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth". Intriguingly he views love as a "verb" rather than a "noun". True love is an "act", not a "feeling". In fact you may be mad at X but still act loving towards him. This is not to say that romantic/erotic love has no role. Marriage is a heavy responsibilty and frightening life-long commitment, which no person in his "sane" mind would undertake. Erotic/Romantic love is what firms up a man to take the plunge. Hopefully an underlying sense of responsibility will take over when the couple inevitably fall out of love after a few years. The phrase "falling in love" usually refers to the erotic/romantic love. It is hardly a conscious choice or act of will. You may like and respect a person yet not "fall in love" with him. And vice-versa. I guess any tips and tricks to "fall in love" remain in the realm of the peurile.
Count me in Tintin.... It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails. You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways. Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life - the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on. When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely, moves away. When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on. They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow. They try anything to give meaning to what happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery. You need to know this about love, and to accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart. If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love her, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different. If you fall in love with another, and she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time. Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them. The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead becomes someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.. Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it choose to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life. If you keep your heart open, it will come again.
Joined: Feb 26, 2001
Some nice thoughts.... It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, But what is more painful is to never have the courage to let that person know how you feel. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
Originally posted by Eager Beaver: the supposedly puerile antics of the 4 guys(me,Rahul,Stevie and Sahir)
You guys must be Javaranch's GoF Soccy boy (aka Socrates) has some alternate views on "falling in love". Here's a quotation from 'The Memorable Thoughts of Socrates'. (Background: Soccy asks X what he thinks about Y. X replies saying that he thinks Y is a virtuous prudent man. Soccy begs to differ. He says 'believe him more rash than if he threw himself on the points of naked swords or leapt into the fire'. So what had Y done? He had kissed Z. Here's the rest of Soccy's rant.) "Do you consider what happens to you after you have kissed a beautiful face? Do you not lose your liberty? Do you not become a slave? Do you not engage yourself in a vast expense to procure a sinful pleasure? Do you not find yourself in an incapacity of doing what is good, and that you subject yourself to the necessity of employing your whole time and person in the pursuit of what you would despise, if your reasons were not corrupted?" "Good God!" cried X, "this is ascribing a wonderful power to a kiss forsooth." "And are you surprised at it" answered Soccy. "Are there not some small animals whose bite is so venomous that it causes insufferable pain, and even the loss of the senses?" "I know very well," said X, "but these animals leave a poison behind them when they sting." Now here's Soccy's climactic statement: "And do you think, you fool," added Soccy, "that kisses of love are not venomous, because you perceive not the poison? Know that a beautiful person is a more dangerous animal than scorpions, because these cannot wound unless they touch us; but beauty strikes at a distance: from what place soever we can but behold her, she darts her venom upon us, and overthrows our judgement. And perhaps for this reason the Loves are represented with bows and arrows, because a beautiful face wounds us from afar. I advice you, therefore, X, when you chance to see a beauty to fly from it, without looking behind you. And for you, Y, I think it convenient that you should enjoin yourself a year's absence, which will not be too long a time to heal you of your wound." This is exclusively an opinion of Soccy, and not necessarily recommended/practiced by me. Bring on the girls!
[This message has been edited by Nanjangud Nanjundaiah (edited June 21, 2001).]
It seems to me that all participants in this thread are male. Or at least that is my deduction from reading all your previous postings. To see an all-male team discussing the meaning of love is refreshing and heart-warming. You've got my thumbs up, guys.
I am rarely far away! My philosophy on love... You can't make it happen. It just does, usually when you least expect it. Just go on with your life, make an effort to meet lots of people and one day BANG it'll be there and you'll have forgotton you were looking.
Pounding at a thick stone wall won't move it, sometimes, you need to step back to see the way around.
Joined: Feb 26, 2001
Oh! TINTIN, Thanks for your much awaited post....that has relieved me from the feeling of angst after all the brouhaha over your previous thread. Enjoy while u r here.
Seems like I know more and more people who've genuinely found someone on the Internet. www.match.com is good and geek-oriented. I even helped a coworker write the personal ad that got him his wife--it used the phrase "sweeter than camel poop," not copywrited, go for it ;> . Anyway, I find it heartening that falling for someone via their net-enabled self rather than via their legs or their pecs seems to be working. On the other hand, I'm a member of the "when you least expect it" club.