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What is a good age to let my daughter start dating?

Cindy Glass
"The Hood"
Sheriff

Joined: Sep 29, 2000
Posts: 8521
My husband says that she is not allowed to date until she is 30. But then he is the one that has promised to get a shotgun and a rocking chair and sit on the front porch until they are all out of college.
My oldest is 14 and a freshman in High School. I have told them that that they can't date (as in leave the house or go alone with a male type person) until they are 16. I am told that I am WAY to conservative.
What do you think.
< Cindy starting to panic>


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Paul Stevens
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 17, 2001
Posts: 2823
Your husband sure is lenient. I told mine I would be with them on the first date
Seriously though, when mine were that age, they either went with a group of people or met people somewhere. Since they can't drive at 14 (where you are) their options are limited.
Bartholemu Smith
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 08, 2001
Posts: 317
Cindy,
I dont think you are being unreasonable. 16 is a good age to start that. 14 is a little to young, and you dont want anything bad happening to your girls.
I would say you should allow them to go out with friends but prolly not alone with a boy. I would be so scared if I had a daughter... I would lock her in her room
Either way its important to teach kids about being responsible and that can only be done by giving them the chance to do so. It might be hard to do but otherwise they may not get to expereince certain things and might feel tied down.
Hope that made some sense.
Faisal
[This message has been edited by Faisal Dosani (edited October 12, 2001).]
Carl Trusiak
Sheriff

Joined: Jun 13, 2000
Posts: 3340
Gee,
Unreasonable???
Someone told my Aunt the same thing Cindy, The shotgun wedding came 5 days after my cousins 15th birthday!


I Hope This Helps
Carl Trusiak, SCJP2, SCWCD
Tevoc Roux
Greenhorn

Joined: Oct 11, 2001
Posts: 9
Well I am a 24 year old male, without children so here is my $0.02 I think that it depends on your daughter's ability to stand up against peer preasure. Worse things can happen in a closet at a party than on a date in a movie theatre at ANY age. (hopefully you are familiar with those closet, bottle spinning, dare games) Bottom line, is your daughter mature enough to tell a guy to buzz off? Does she have a life focus for herself past high school with the understanding that sex can potentially damage or delay those goals. I have been under the assumption you are concerned only about your daughter having sex, but I think the child's maturity level and sense of self really determine at what age a child is ready to make their own decisions.
Now, My mother allowed myself and my brother to have our girlfriends over in our room at the age of 15. Her reasoning was that with the proper education, and knowledge of consequences, teenagers DO in fact make responsible decisions. My brother nor I, got a girl pregnant and have grown up to be successful adults. (although I have a hard time with spelling) <GRIN>
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Tony Alicea
Desperado
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Joined: Jan 30, 2000
Posts: 3222
    
    5
18!!


Tony Alicea
Senior Java Web Application Developer, SCPJ2, SCWCD
Johannes de Jong
tumbleweed
Bartender

Joined: Jan 27, 2001
Posts: 5089
Sorry I cant help Cindy we only have one son and his mom wants him to only start dating when he is 30.
Cindy Glass
"The Hood"
Sheriff

Joined: Sep 29, 2000
Posts: 8521
She and my husband would make a great pair
Johannes de Jong
tumbleweed
Bartender

Joined: Jan 27, 2001
Posts: 5089
Shall I send her over ?
Gregg Bolinger
GenRocket Founder
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Joined: Jul 11, 2001
Posts: 15300
    
    6

Don't forget about the best advice forum ever created. Prayer!!
God's answer will be better than any of ours.

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Happy Coding,
Gregg Bolinger


GenRocket - Experts at Building Test Data
Cindy Glass
"The Hood"
Sheriff

Joined: Sep 29, 2000
Posts: 8521
So I should pray that no boy asks her out until she is 30?
It seems that an "older man" (he is 16) has actually been talking to her in Biology class (right away that is a problem ). The topic of the color of his eyes has been common dinner conversation these days .
Gregg Bolinger
GenRocket Founder
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 11, 2001
Posts: 15300
    
    6

Pray that God will show you the right decision to make about allowing your daughter to date. And then stick to that decision. Then when you allow her to start dating, pray that your daughter will make the right decisions. And pray that her date will make the right decisions as well.
AND PRAY FOR PATIENTS.


------------------
Happy Coding,
Gregg Bolinger
Cindy Glass
"The Hood"
Sheriff

Joined: Sep 29, 2000
Posts: 8521
And I have 3 daughters.
I can see that my knees are going to be REAL sore from now on .
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Sheriff

Joined: Aug 26, 2000
Posts: 10065
30 sounds reasonable. Before it's probably a waste of time anyway... But then I read somewhere that it takes about 10 years to become skilled in any profession, and relationships can be considered a profession for that matter. So it's better to start practice at 20.
Gee... If to speak seriously, "what is a good age to start dating" - I would say as soon (or as late) as your daughter meets somebody worth dating.


Uncontrolled vocabularies
"I try my best to make *all* my posts nice, even when I feel upset" -- Philippe Maquet
Cindy Glass
"The Hood"
Sheriff

Joined: Sep 29, 2000
Posts: 8521
According to whom?? If we let Steven judge, then that will be never.
(PS. His theory is: "I was a 17 year old boy once. Ain't NO 17 year old boy coming NEAR these girls").
Dave Vick
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 10, 2001
Posts: 3244
Cindy
My daughter is only 8, so I've got a few years to think on all of this, in the mean time I've already decided to meet her first dates dressed in my camoflauge uniform, with face paint on, sitting in a chair sharpening a knife and cleaning a gun. Oh, and I need to find a BIG spiked color for my dog!!
However, my wifes niece is just 17 so I've got some idea of what to expect. The best you can do is try to teach her the right things. You can't even really set an limit on these things either. When they are in "love" and that is all they talk about then no rule is going to prevent them from sneaking around your back. On the other hand, if you give a small amount of consent and meet her half-way then you might be able to get a more controlled situation out of it. My wifes niece snuck out and lied about her whereabouts more times than I can count (I do beleive she is the exception to the rule though), but I know I did a small amount of it when I was a kid, especially when I KNEW I was right and my parents were wrong.
But I think 16 is a good age for an unchaperoned date, until then it should be just in groups and public places.
Good luck
Dave


Dave
Rosie Vogel
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Joined: Jan 31, 2001
Posts: 228
Originally posted by Cindy Glass:
The topic of the color of his eyes has been common dinner conversation these days.

Oh well...I was like that when I was fourteen. But if a boy would have tried to get fresh with me, I probably would have run away in complete terror. At that tender age, "boy worship" is usually still very innocent.
Still, I understand your concern. If I had a daughter, I don't know if I'd ever sleep at night
I think that if a girl starts dating, she should be aware of the possible consequences of having sex. Fourteen somehow seems a bit young to be truly aware of those.
As a woman who was once a young girl herself, I say sixteen sounds good. And eighteen would not be so terrible either.
Matthew Phillips
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Joined: Mar 09, 2001
Posts: 2676
I think the whole gun cleaning idea works best from the back seat of the car being used on said date.
Matthew Phillips


Matthew Phillips
Jane Griscti
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Joined: Aug 30, 2000
Posts: 3141
Hi Cindy,
Well, I've got two ... 16 and 22 and there hasn't been a moment of peace in my house since they both said their first word
They were allowed to go to mixed parties, school dances etc when they were in Gr 8. No single dating until they were 16 and definitely single dating with guys who drove until at least 18.
Your husband sounds calmer than mine, he wants to lock 'em up in the basement until they're 30
Seriously, if your daughter's are talking to you about boys think you're still pretty safe. Just be sure you are clear about the rules and what you expect from them.
No sense telling them 'no, no way'. Remember how you acted when your parents said 'no'; I do, thankfully my children are smarter than I was at that age


Jane Griscti
SCJP, Co-author Mike Meyers' Java 2 Certification Passport
Fiona Barker
Greenhorn

Joined: Jul 23, 2001
Posts: 18
Originally posted by Cindy Glass:
My oldest is 14 and a freshman in High School. I have told them that that they can't date (as in leave the house or go alone with a male type person) until they are 16. I am told that I am WAY to conservative.

I'm 22 and my kid sister is 16 - I don't have kids but I'm young enough to know about teen dating. So long as your daughter is talking to you about boys then you shouldn't be worrying - if you ground her, then she'll just stop telling you anything. As long as she tells you where, when and who, then I don't see there's any problem. Set a curfew by all means. I'm sure your daughter is sensible and knows all the facts. Do you really think she'd do something stupid?
Why don't you offer to drive her to whatever location and pick her up at an agreed time? My parents were always happy for me to go out so long as they knew where I was and what I was up to.
Just my opinion - hope it's useful.
Fi
Oops - should have added that 14 is okay to date in the sense of just going to the cinema or going to a cafe. And be back home around 21.00 unless mom has agreed to be chaffeur (drop off and pick up).
Double oops - just noticed the ages in the above post. No relation to Jane Griscti whatsoever.
[This message has been edited by Fiona Barker (edited October 14, 2001).]
Stevie Kaligis
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Joined: Feb 04, 2001
Posts: 400
Cindy...
I had a 5 sisters and 3 brothers, I will tell you what my mom did to us during our "date age", amazingly we're all safed.. but not me
Now my sisters do the same think to our kid, (i'm not there yet, my son is only 6 yr old, but my sister did).

in your case, I think this is the sign that your daughter demands more privacy, and it's also the sign that you must step backward a litle bit to give her more space. but before you do that, it's better if you start doing the girl's talking with her, ask her what she likes and dislikes about privacy, rules, boy, etc.., and you also must tell her what you like and dislike about that too(the important think is honest to each other), do it once a week until you ready to let it go. happy talking Cindy...
btw.. how about if you ask Paul W. to make your daughter a sheriff of meaningless drivel forum, I'm sure she will not have enough time for dating

Bartholemu Smith
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 08, 2001
Posts: 317
Cindy...
I have a solution...A pet Packrat...Its no Mintaure donkey but they its tons of fun. And they will take all your garbage away for you.....Sounds like a dream
Quentin Montejo
Greenhorn

Joined: Oct 14, 2001
Posts: 1
the important thing here is communication. agree?


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Ashik Uzzaman
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 05, 2001
Posts: 2370

30?? Oh no Condy!
I m still young and in search of a date.... and listenning on ur opines all my hopes r gone... ...so better have a machine and play with some codes rather than thinking of a date....
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Muhammad Ashikuzzaman (Fahim)
Sun Certified Programmer for the Java� 2 Platform
--When you learn something, learn it by heart!
[This message has been edited by Ashik uzzaman (edited October 14, 2001).]


Ashik Uzzaman
Senior Member of Technical Staff, Salesforce.com, San Francisco, CA, USA.
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If you can prohibit your daughter from dating somebody - do it by all means. There is nothing serious between them. And if there is something serious, you daughter will not care a damn about your prohibitions
Randall Twede
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Joined: Oct 21, 2000
Posts: 4347
    
    2

Cindy,
If her generation is anything like ours was you have no real control anyway. They will skip school and go to a friends house if they want to. You have to be trusting at this point and hope she deserves your trust. I would say sophmore or junior year is best to start dating. Freshmen are under a lot of stress changing from middle school. I dated a girl in junior high(13 I think) though when I was young(17). But we could only spend our dates at the navy base(they had a theatre). Her father was a lt. colonel and I was a hippie but he let me date her anyway. I never did get in her pants(sigh). we even spent some of our dates at her house with her family playing table games(and footsie). The fact that I still remember her after 31 years suggests that we are adults already by then. I guess my answer is at her age you might let her go on dates that are determined by you. I would say 16 maybe for deciding on her own destinations. If she percieves you as an oppressive parent she will probably rebel and go to a friends house with her boyfriend and get knocked up. better to say ok you can go to the movie but you have to be back at 10:00 PM(or whatever)
PS: I loved her very intensely and I am glad we were allowed to spend time together.

[This message has been edited by Randall Twede (edited October 15, 2001).]


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Raveendran Karunakaran
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Joined: Jun 25, 2001
Posts: 38
i think the right age to date would be??
Because see if you decide to put a fence to actions they are bound be crossed over. when you try to put a circle around people they are bound to crossed over.
So i think the better thing would be to decide with the thoughts of both people being involved.
Cindy Glass
"The Hood"
Sheriff

Joined: Sep 29, 2000
Posts: 8521
Originally posted by Stevie Kaligis:
btw.. how about if you ask Paul W. to make your daughter a sheriff of meaningless drivel forum, I'm sure she will not have enough time for dating

That is the first REALLY creative "date prevention" technique that I have ever heard!!!
Lance Anderson
Greenhorn

Joined: Sep 01, 2000
Posts: 18
My daughter graduated from college and got married this year, my son in in 10th grade (just got his driver's license).
Sixteen was the rule when I was growing up but most kids seem to start dating younger these days. We permited our kids to "go out" with others to group activities in the 14-15 range. Since they can't drive yet, one set of parents or the other has to provide transportation anyway. Solo dating still coincides with getting your driver's license here (usually 16).

Although I never actually called any of my daughter's boy friends "Meathead", I think a little bit of Archie Bunker comes out in most dads when their daughter starts dating.
 
I agree. Here's the link: http://aspose.com/file-tools
 
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