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Why did the chicken cross the road ?

Dave Van Even
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 19, 2001
Posts: 101
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
JACK NICHOLSON: 'cause it f___in' wanted to. That's the f___in' reason.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTANT: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes, and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.
Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road. "And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road!
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
Paul Stevens
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 17, 2001
Posts: 2823
Opossum: To show me that roads could be crossed.
Arthur Anderson who is that?
Cindy Glass
"The Hood"

Joined: Sep 29, 2000
Posts: 8521

"JavaRanch, where the deer and the Certified play" - David O'Meara
Johannes de Jong

Joined: Jan 27, 2001
Posts: 5089
Sure is
Andy Rodriguez
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 16, 2001
Posts: 95
According to my recollection the original joke was actually on Accenture ( erstwhile Andersen Consulting , not Arthur Andersen ) and had reference to George Shaheen when he left AC and joined WebVan.

My ramblings @<br /> <a href="http://javarecon.tripod.com" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://javarecon.tripod.com</a>
David O'Meara

Joined: Mar 06, 2001
Posts: 13459

Ah, I was wondering about the AA reference. If things had worked out a little differently 6 months ago that'd be me... thank goodness
Cindy Glass
"The Hood"

Joined: Sep 29, 2000
Posts: 8521
Why did the chicken cross the road?
These people have WAY too much time on their hands .
Java Chicken : If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets!)
Newton Chicken : Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket!
OS/2 Chicken : It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.
Win 95 Chicken : You see different colored feathers while it crosses, but cook it and it still tastes like ...chicken.
Mac Chicken : No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it to.
Bill Gates : I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, although dividing 3 by 2 will get you 1.4999999999.
Microsoft Chicken (TM) : It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.
C Chicken : It crosses the road without looking both ways.
C++ Chicken : The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer to him on the other side.
VB Chicken : USHighways!TheRoad.cross (aChicken)
OOP Chicken : It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.
Assembler Chicken : First it builds the road ...
Delphi Chicken : The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.
Web Chicken : Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.
Gopher Chicken : Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken
Lotus Chicken : Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!
COBOL Chicken :
[This message has been edited by Cindy Glass (edited October 29, 2001).]
I agree. Here's the link: http://aspose.com/file-tools
subject: Why did the chicken cross the road ?
jQuery in Action, 3rd edition