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new words

Marilyn de Queiroz
Sheriff

Joined: Jul 22, 2000
Posts: 9047
    
  10
The Washington Post published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The
following were some of the winning entries:
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.


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"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift; that's why they call it the present." Eleanor Roosevelt
Pauline McNamara
Sheriff

Joined: Jan 19, 2001
Posts: 4012
    
    6
Excellent! So which one did you submit Marilyn?
Dave Vick
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 10, 2001
Posts: 3244
asphault - what the pokemon is checking you for.


Dave
Junilu Lacar
Bartender

Joined: Feb 26, 2001
Posts: 4698
    
    7

Can't let this slip by...
embarrassed (adj.), your condition when the Pokemon sees you.
azoles (n.), what the Pokemon specializes in.

ghastly (adj), a condition you don't want to be in when you go see the Pokemon.

astute (n.), an involuntary noise you may make while the Pokemon examines you. Comes from being ghastly. May be cause for severe embarrassment.

asphyxiate (v), what the Pokemon tries to do when he finds something wrong with you. Also, what might happen in the event of an astute.

aghast (adj), what you and/or the Pokemon may be after an astute.


Junilu

[This message has been edited by JUNILU LACAR (edited December 19, 2001).]


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jason adam
Chicken Farmer ()
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 08, 2001
Posts: 1932
Freud would have a field day with this
Junilu Lacar
Bartender

Joined: Feb 26, 2001
Posts: 4698
    
    7

Originally posted by jason adam:
Freud would have a field day with this

Which reminds me of the one about the proctologist and psychiatrist who decided to set up a practice together and were trying to find just the right name for their clinic. They decided against "Rears and Queers" and "Nuts and Butts". They ended up going with "Odds and Ends".

jason adam
Chicken Farmer ()
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 08, 2001
Posts: 1932
I would throw a tomato but I'm making spaghetti for dinner
Marilyn de Queiroz
Sheriff

Joined: Jul 22, 2000
Posts: 9047
    
  10
Moving this to the Meaningless Drivel forum.
 
I agree. Here's the link: http://aspose.com/file-tools
 
subject: new words