the trailboss abuses his CodeRanch power for his other stuff (power corrupts. absolute power corrupts absolutely is kinda neat!)
permaculture light bulbs permaculture electric heat permaculture cast iron permaculture wood burning stove permaculture solar food dehydrators
The moose likes Meaningless Drivel and the fly likes Conversations with computers users! Big Moose Saloon
  Search | Java FAQ | Recent Topics | Flagged Topics | Hot Topics | Zero Replies
Register / Login
JavaRanch » Java Forums » Other » Meaningless Drivel
Bookmark "Conversations with computers users!" Watch "Conversations with computers users!" New topic
Author

Conversations with computers users!

Younes Essouabni
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 13, 2002
Posts: 479
I've just received a mail and I want to share it.
If you have same kind of joke, you can share it plz!
> >
> > ----------------------------------------------
> > Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
> > ----------------------------------------------
> > Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Customer: "I don't need any of that SQL stuff-I Just want a
> database!"
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"
> > Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
> > Tech Support: "Well?"
> > Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Customer: "I have a long distance modem."
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Customer: "I don't have a space bar.
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a
> > document, but the computer won't boot properly."
> > Tech Support: "What does it say?"
> > Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
> > Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
> > Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an
> Intel inside."
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're
> > open 24hours."
> > Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
> > Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it."
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
> > Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
> > Customer: "Ok."
> > Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
> > Customer: "No."
> > Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop- up menu?"
> > Customer: "No."
> > Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
> > until this
> > point?"
> > Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Customer: "Now what do I do?"
> > Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
> > Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"
> > Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."
> > Customer: "How do you spell that?"
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am
> > still getting
> > the same error message."
> > Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
> > Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
> > Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
> > Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
> > Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
> > Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
> > Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word set-up disk."
> > Customer: "What?"
> > Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
> > Customer "No ..."
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
> > Tech Support: ?@#$?
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the
> > screen, can you see
> > the 'OK' button displayed?"
> > Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
> > Customer: "A white one."
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Customer: "I'm going to be using Windows NT. Should I get the
> > Server or
> > Workstation version?"
> > Tech Support: "Well, are you using it as a workstation or as
> > a server?"
> > Customer: "A server. So, which one do I get?"
> > Tech Support: "The server version perhaps?"
> > Customer: "Which one is that?"
> > Tech Support: "Windows NT Server."
> > Customer: "Ok, thanks."
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
> > Customer: "How do you spell that?"
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Customer: "I can't log in to my account."
> > Tech Support: "Ok, let's look at your configuration."
> > Customer: "Ok...but I know that my User ID is case sensitive."
> > Tech Support: "Yes it is. Ok, what does it say in the 'User
> > ID' field?"
> > Customer: "Like I said, 'Case Sensitive'."
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
> > Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the
> > grocery store."
> > -----------------------------------------------
> > Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"
> > Customer: "Pentium."
> > -----------------------------------------------
> >
>


Younes
By constantly trying one ends up succeeding. Thus: the more one fails the more one has a chance to succeed.
Erik Dark
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 28, 2002
Posts: 107
> > Customer: "Where can I find that damned anykey you are talking about?."
Anonymous
Ranch Hand

Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Posts: 18944
after a 4days training on windows at a bank,one of the accountants stands up and says:
i understand most of your demonstration ,but could you please tell me whats that small arrow running around the screen.
"from real life"......
David O'Meara
Rancher

Joined: Mar 06, 2001
Posts: 13459

I was sitting in a 2nd year Comp Science class at university and someone asked what a 'bit' was...
 
It is sorta covered in the JavaRanch Style Guide.
 
subject: Conversations with computers users!