1. Women don't hate cricket. She hates you insisting to watch it even when she is at her best undressed. Which is why women always want sex when there's a match on the telly. 2. Women tell vulgar jokes too. Shhh�careful, sometimes the jokes are on you. 3. One thing they lie about easily (besides their age, silly) is their breast size. 4. You think career, money, investments, relationships are their new concerns. You have got them all wrong. Husbands (boyfriends) , diamonds, servants still score the highest as the most serious issues in women's lives. 5. Headaches aren't trendy anymore. So if she is saying that she is 'feeling low on her EQ (emotional quotient)', or that you should 'get out of distance-pursuit patterns in the bedroom', don't be alarmed. All she means is not tonight honey! 6. It is not her, dumbo. It is the baby who is responsible for her becoming so fat and huge compared to the first time you saw her. Get used to it, she will continue to blame the baby even 5 years after the delivery. 7. She admired your blue tie and the new suit? You gotta be kidding. She was only undressing you in her mind. Blame it on the 'woman thing' but this is what she is probably doing if she likes you. 8. If you don't pick the cheque, you are mingy, if you don't hold the door for her, you are a wimp. If you pick the cheque, you disregard her financial independence, if you hold the door, you are trying to prove that she needs 'looking after'. Either way, buddy, it is a lost war. So hold the door for her, she finds it romantic, even if she denies it. 9. Never mind what she says. She is jealous. Of your mother, your sister, your ex-girlfriend, your new secretary, your encouraging boss, your locker room talk with your male friends, your stiff drink, your favourite cousins, your after-shave, your laptop� 10. Size matters to her. It always did. If it didn't, the Titanic would have never sunk.
Ok another cut n paste. 1. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 2. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. 3. A day without sunshine is like ... night. 4. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 7. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. 8. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 9. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 10. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you. 11. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. 12. Honk if you love peace and quiet. 13. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? 14. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 15. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living 17. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. 18. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. 19. You can't have everything, where would you put it? 20. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. 21. The things that come to those who wait are usually the things left by those who got there first. 22. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 23. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. 24. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. 25. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. 26. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.