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Get tired of life

Angela D'souza
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Joined: Jan 16, 2002
Posts: 469
I have been married with one guy since october 2000. We had very good relationship. My hubby is very innocent and good person. Somehow his sister from day one not talking with me. Also, my sister-in-law didn't have good relation with my hubby.
Now from few days, she is talking with my hubby(not with me though) I tried to talked with her so many times. But she never talks with me. I don't know the reason. Now my hubby and his sister are good friends. When I talk with my hubby, he is saying that I beared a lot for his sis. He is saying that I have to compromise and give up. I am hurt a lot. Because of her , me and my husband fight a lot... I am loosing my interests, I don't like anything to do. I just moved to US 2 years ago. I don't have any friend to whom I can share my feeling.
Any good suggestions are most welcome.
Thanks,
Angela
Maky
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Joined: Oct 10, 2001
Posts: 53
D'Souza.. Are you from Goa by any chance ?
Sameer Jamal
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Joined: Feb 16, 2001
Posts: 1870
Originally posted by Mapraputa Is:
What can be better than if your husbands' relatives do not want to talk to you? :roll: Perhaps you are fixed on your relationships with his siter too much She doesn't talk to you - you do not talk to her, that's all. You do need friends, however, or you will put too heavy emotional burden on your husband. ESL classes are a good provider of friends of all ages, origins etc. These people are in the same "boat" and they also need friends, so it's easy to make contacts. The best thing, classes should be free for you.
So you do not even have anybody to share your ideas of how horrible this country is?

Only a women can understand another women better
R K Singh
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Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5370
Somehow his sister from day one not talking with me. Also, my sister-in-law didn't have good relation with my hubby.
Yes it hurts when you are new in some home but now I think you should be habitual.
Now from few days, she is talking with my hubby
Thats good.
But she never talks with me.
She was not talking to you before also .. so let it be in this way only.
Now my hubby and his sister are good friends.
Good
He is saying that I have to compromise
What do you want him to say? I think he must be trying himself also to compromise.
Because of her , me and my husband fight a lot...
Why you are fighting because of her?? Let them talk after all she is his sister, she has some right (if not all) over her bro.
In the end I will agree with Sameer.
Thomas Paul
mister krabs
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Joined: May 05, 2000
Posts: 13974
What does he want you to compromise about?


Associate Instructor - Hofstra University
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Angela D'souza
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 16, 2002
Posts: 469
Thanks for your suggestion,
U right I have to compromise otherwise I going to loose my hubby(which I don't want).
But everyweekend, atleast we three of us meet for sometime,that time I my husband supports, but still It's hurting. She is also trying to boss of everything.
Angela
Angela D'souza
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 16, 2002
Posts: 469
Originally posted by Thomas Paul:
What does he want you to compromise about?

The compromise is everyweekend I have to meet her, whatever she tells us, we have to listen. If we go to anywhere we have to take her, also at friends home. I don't mind to take her if she talks with me. So instead of fun, I have sit with her and bear her.
Angela D'souza
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Joined: Jan 16, 2002
Posts: 469
Originally posted by Angela D'souza:
[QB]
I am from Goa
Hema Menon
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 29, 2000
Posts: 569
Originally posted by Mapraputa Is:

So you do not even have anybody to share your ideas of how horrible this country is?


Obviously not! There are many at Javaranch, who live in this country, who's lending a sympathetic ear
Maky
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 10, 2001
Posts: 53
OOH goody.. my first encounter on the net with a fellow goenkar.. so where r u from ?
Jim dJ
Greenhorn

Joined: Jun 04, 2002
Posts: 2
Here's another possibility: Your husband's sister is jealous of you, perhaps resents you for "stealing" her brother away from her. It sounds like your sister-in-law doesn't like you, but maybe she is too embarrassed by her own selfishness and childishness to admit the reasons. She undoubtedly loves her brother, and in her mind, you may pose a threat to the special relationship they've shared growing up as brother and sister. Nevertheless, it also seems like she's trying to drive a wedge between you and your husband, and that's got to stop.
Why was your husband and your sister's relationship strained? Is his sister younger or older than your husband? How would you describe his sister's relationship to her parents? What was your husband and his sister's relationship like before you married? Was there something unresolved between them?
Answering those questions might help you and your husband understand what your sister-in-law is thinking, and why.
Ultimately, however, he married _you_, and in terms of relationships, that means you take precedence. He's an adult, and now you and whatever children you may have together are his primary family.
I'd say, "So stick up for yourself," but sometimes the ensuing fight is not worth the trouble. Everyone knows that sometimes hanging around in-laws is a necessary evil. Having said that, though, _both_ sides should compromise, not just you.
Have a frank, candid talk with your husband about his sister's behavior, what motivates her behavior, and what effect it has on your feelings and on your marriage. You can start by telling him you want to work things out with his sister, but you don't understand why she acts the way she does, and you feel like she's interfering with your marriage. Remember, you're trying to work things out, not drive a wedge between your husband and his sister.
My father's sister (my aunt) was a real brat to my mother when my parents first married. That was almost forty years ago - my parents are still married, and everybody's been talking politely (more or less) for most of those 40 years.
Angela D'souza
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 16, 2002
Posts: 469
Jim, u r right, from very biggning she is jealous of me. She didn't like that I had very good relations with my parents-in-law. Because of her stubberness, my parents-in-law gave up. Now they don't dare to tell her anything. Because she supports my parents in law.My husband doesn't have relations with his father. So we don't support my parents in law. So they are not living with us.
Other thing, my hubby and my sis-in-law were not close, They used to have fight when I got married. They were not talking till last month. Since last month she started talking with my husband.My husband forgot all worst past. I talked with my husband. He said that you(Angela) are nice to her. You(Angela) bare a lot from her. But he advised me that don't try to talk with her unless she try.And if she ignores you, so bare more!!!
Angela
Angela D'souza
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Joined: Jan 16, 2002
Posts: 469
U know friends, I cried a lot everyday.
I don't want to spoil my marriage life
Sameer Jamal
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Joined: Feb 16, 2001
Posts: 1870
Originally posted by Angela D'souza:
U know friends, I cried a lot everyday.
I don't want to spoil my marriage life

Come on be brave crying daily cannot solve your problem
Anonymous
Ranch Hand

Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Posts: 18944
Angela,
I can't really judge what goes wrong between you and your sister-in-law. But if you get along so badly, I don't see why you have to be forced to spend time with each other every weekend. If your husband wants to spend time with her, why does he have to drag you along? I don't think a couple has to do everything together.
Rosie Vogel
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 31, 2001
Posts: 228
Hang on, I'm not unregistered! There, that's better.
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5370
is your sis-in-law is married ??
as per your post I guess she is not married...
so wait for 1-2 yrs then she will have her own puppet
Randall Twede
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 21, 2000
Posts: 4339
    
    2

Angela,
I think jim has a good handle on whats going on here. re-read his post and try to answer the questions he posed. i have had trouble in my past relationships with interfering friends. that is much similar to what you are experiencing. unfortunately in my case she believed her friends not me. sometime people try to break up a relationship for selfish reasons. i think that's what is going on here.


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R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5370
Originally posted by Mapraputa Is:
crying daily is the best you can do.

sometime, once in while crying is even good for health, but DAILY. No, whether you have husband OR wife... but no way daily..
You want to say just cry .. and do nothing.
is it YOU Map
R K Singh
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Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5370
agree with Twede
R K Singh
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Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5370
Oh my Gawd !!! :roll:
Hema Menon
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Joined: Oct 29, 2000
Posts: 569
Originally posted by Ravish Kumar:
Oh my Gawd !!! :roll:

Oh my Angela/Nancy/Angela/.....
Obviously, the problem still seems to be there even after a year, Go get some help, see some psychiatrist :roll:
Didn't mean to be rude, just a suggestion on getting some counselling, maybe!
[ June 05, 2002: Message edited by: Menon Hema ]
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5370
Originally posted by Menon Hema:

Oh my Angela/Nancy/Angela/.....
see some psychiatrist :roll:

Dont forget Jessy
R K Singh
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Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5370
oh sorry .. not Jessy , its Janet
contact Angela Jessi : anu_shah@hotmail.com
Angela D'souza : anupersonal@hotmail.com
But Anu its not your fault .. It happend one night ($YourAge + 3/4) years back... Its there fault.
Some time I hate myself for cracking such dirty joke.
PS: learning Perl, in perl when ever you deal with singular variable, you prefix $
Pranav Jaidka
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Joined: Sep 14, 2000
Posts: 264
Angela ,Jessi ....Whatever......
Remember
I am not who you think I am ............I am what I think I am .
Angela D'souza
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 16, 2002
Posts: 469
Thanks Mapraputa,
Angela
Fyodor Myshkin
Greenhorn

Joined: Nov 05, 2001
Posts: 25
Originally posted by Ravish Kumar:
oh sorry .. not Jessy , its Janet

I thought Janet was a dog. Or is it Nancy.
http://www.coderanch.com/t/35707/md/life
No! I am getting confused now. Janet is a cat


"And remember, when you look into the pit, the pit looks back into you."<br /> -- Anonymous INTERCAL hacker
Arun Pai
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 11, 2002
Posts: 143
Two women can never stay together, there is bound to be unhappiness. Angela is your SIL married??? ask her to get married and move to her own house , or you both come to terms.
:roll:
 
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