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Pets

Paul Stevens
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 17, 2001
Posts: 2823
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
6:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I
am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the
hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the
occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at
the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these
vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their
favorite chair... must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless
body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to
try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and
condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working
according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For
no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however
it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds
could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb
still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I
was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the
noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer.."
More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power
of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than
happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other
hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I
am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in
the metal room his safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
Irene Loos
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 15, 2002
Posts: 78
No wonder I do not like cats.


Irene Loos
Thomas Paul
mister krabs
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 05, 2000
Posts: 13974
Difference between cats and dogs:
A dog thinks, "They feed me, they pet me, they take care of me, they love me, they must be gods!"
A cat thinks, "They feed me, they pet me, they take care of me, they love me, I must be God!"


Associate Instructor - Hofstra University
Amazon Top 750 reviewer - Blog - Unresolved References - Book Review Blog
Dave Vick
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 10, 2001
Posts: 3244
My oldest cat (had him going on 15 years now) is definately of the opinion that he is owner and master of the house.
I really can't complain though, I'm just glad he lets me and my family stay there.


Dave
Cindy Glass
"The Hood"
Sheriff

Joined: Sep 29, 2000
Posts: 8521
To keep a proper perspective of oneself, everyone should have:
A Dog that worships them and
A Cat that ignores them.


"JavaRanch, where the deer and the Certified play" - David O'Meara
Jim Yingst
Wanderer
Sheriff

Joined: Jan 30, 2000
Posts: 18671
Somehow, I used to have a dog that ignored me, and a cat that worshipped me. Same net effect though.


"I'm not back." - Bill Harding, Twister
Jason Menard
Sheriff

Joined: Nov 09, 2000
Posts: 6450
I have resisted all efforts on the part of my cats to train me, with varying degrees of success.
Randall Twede
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 21, 2000
Posts: 4347
    
    2

its hard to not like those diaries


SCJP
Visit my download page
Dave Vick
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 10, 2001
Posts: 3244
My dog does worship me...
when my wife is in the kitchen doing something I'm not allowed in there at the same time because the dog follows me and she'd trip over him.
if I'm sitting watching tv and get up for a drink of water he follows me, he follows me upstairs to the bathroom, he follows me into the bathroom when I go to take a shower in the mornings.
when I play with my daughter whether a game on the x-box or just wrestling on the floor he gets his toy and comes over and gets right in the middle until I tell him to go lay down.
If I sit ont he couch next to my wife or daughter he has to come up and put his head in my lap or worse he trys to climb up on the other side of me.
at night when I get ready for bed he takes all of the cloths I wore earlier and drags to the middle of the floor where he sleeps on them all night.
at night he refuses to let either of the cats into the bedroom.
I seriously think he has mental issues
-------
On the other hand my older cat has forsaken me for my wife but still lets me pet him occasionally
the other cat will let only me pet her without getting bitten or scratched, unless she happens to be in heat
Shura Balaganov
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 22, 2002
Posts: 664
I had a buddy who had a female cat that no one, besides him could even touch. His wife and dauter could end up with scratches even by passing by her. My buddy though could do anything short of hanging to a cat. Go figure
Sura


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subject: Pets