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Did so! Did not!

Thomas Paul
mister krabs
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Posts: 13974
Imagine if you will an overweight John Cleese in uniform,
beret, and big bushy mustache at the argument clinic.
*****
USA: (Knock)
Saddam Hussein: Come in.
USA: Ah, Is this the right place for disarmament?
Saddam Hussein: I told you once that I've disarmed.
USA: No you haven't.
Saddam Hussein: I've already disarmed.
USA: When?
Saddam Hussein: Just now.
USA: No you didn't.
Saddam Hussein: Yes I did.
USA: You didn't
Saddam Hussein: I did!
USA: You didn't!
Saddam Hussein: I'm telling you I did!
USA: You did not!!
Saddam Hussein: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Do you mean full disarmament or just a couple of missiles?
USA: Oh, full disarmament.
Saddam Hussein: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
USA: You most certainly did not.
Saddam Hussein: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely disarmed.
USA: No you did not.
Saddam Hussein: Yes I did.
USA: No you didn't.
Saddam Hussein: Yes I did.
USA: No you didn't.
Saddam Hussein: Yes I did.
USA: No you didn't.
Saddam Hussein: Yes I did.
USA: You didn't.
Saddam Hussein: Did.
USA: Oh look, this isn't compliance with UN Resolution 1441.
Saddam Hussein: Yes it is.
USA: No it isn't. It's just defiance.
Saddam Hussein: No it isn't.
USA: It is!
Saddam Hussein: It is not.
USA: Look, you just contradicted me.
Saddam Hussein: I did not.
USA: Oh you did!!
Saddam Hussein: No, no, no.
USA: You did just then.
Saddam Hussein: Nonsense!
USA: Oh, this is futile!
Saddam Hussein: No it isn't.
USA: I came here for a full accounting for destruction of your weapons.
Saddam Hussein: No you didn't; no, you came here for compliance.
USA: Compliance isn't just saying "I've disarmed."
Saddam Hussein: It can be.
USA: No it can't. Compliance is revealing and destroying weapons of mass destruction in full view of U.N. inspectors.
Saddam Hussein: No it isn't.
USA: Yes it is! It's not just empty statements.
Saddam Hussein: Look, if I comply with the UN, I must say I've disarmed.
USA: Yes, but full disarmament isn't just saying "I've disarmed."
Saddam Hussein: Yes it is!
USA: No it isn't! Disarmament is an open process. Declarations of de-weaponizing absent records or hard evidence of actual destruction of WMDs is useless.
Pause
Saddam Hussein: No it isn't.
USA: It is.
Saddam Hussein: Not at all.
USA: Now look.
Saddam Hussein: (Rings bell) Good Morning.
USA: What?
Saddam Hussein: That's it. Good morning.
USA: I was just getting started.
Saddam Hussein: Sorry, the inspections are done.
USA: That was never disarmament!
Saddam Hussein: I'm afraid it was.
USA: It wasn't.
Pause
Saddam Hussein: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowing inspections anymore.
USA: What?!
Saddam Hussein: If you want me to allow inspections, you'll have to pass another UN resolution.
USA: Yes, but that was never compliance, just now. Oh come on!
Saddam Hussein: (Hums)
USA: Look, this is ridiculous.
Saddam Hussein: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've passed another U.N. resolution.
USA: Oh, all right. (passes 18th resolution against Iraq)
Saddam Hussein: Thank you.
Pause
USA: Well?
Saddam Hussein: Well what?
USA: That wasn't really compliance, just now.
Saddam Hussein: I told you, I'm not going to allow inspections unless you've passed a UN resolution.
USA: I just did!
Saddam Hussein: No you didn't.
USA: I DID!
Saddam Hussein: No you didn't.


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John Lee
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Very funny!
Ashok Mash
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Joined: Oct 13, 2000
Posts: 1936
Indeed!
Another one!


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Paul Stevens
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Posts: 2823
That was funny Thomas. Original or borrowed from somewhere.
Gregg Bolinger
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Posts: 15299
    
    6

Originally posted by Thomas Paul:

USA: Well?
Saddam Hussein: Well what?
USA: That wasn't really compliance, just now.
Saddam Hussein: I told you, I'm not going to allow inspections unless you've passed a UN resolution.
USA: I just did!
Saddam Hussein: No you didn't.
USA: I DID!
Saddam Hussein: No you didn't.

MSNBC: U.N. inspectors reportedly uncover new Iraqi rocket configured to strew bomblets filled with chemical and biological agents.
Saddam Hussein: Ohhh, you mean ALL weapons?


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David O'Meara
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Joined: Mar 06, 2001
Posts: 13459

Next comes 'being hit on the head' lessons. :roll:
Michael Ernest
High Plains Drifter
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Joined: Oct 25, 2000
Posts: 7292

Yes, for each and every one of you vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous perverts!
Thomas Paul
mister krabs
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Posts: 13974
Paul, it was sent to me by a friend on a long email chain.
Paul Stevens
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Posts: 2823
Originally posted by Thomas Paul:
Paul, it was sent to me by a friend on a long email chain.

Doen't make it any less funny.
R K Singh
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Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Now Saddam version

*****
USA: (Knock)
Saddam Hussein: Come in.
USA: So you fat guy with mustache, I want you to disarm.
Saddam Hussein: Disarm ?? But I dont have arms.
USA: No I want you to disarm.
Saddam Hussein: But why?
USA: I think that you will attack on us.
Saddam Hussein: But you have attacked on us and now again you are attacking.
USA: No I think that you will attack on us.
Saddam Hussein: But I wont.
USA: No you will
Saddam Hussein: But I wont!
USA: You will!
Saddam Hussein: I'm telling you I wont!
USA: You will!!
Saddam Hussein: But suddenly why you want me to disarm ?
USA: Dont you know I could not catch OBL. I have to do something to plesae my country men.
Saddam Hussein: But why are you troubling my country men.
USA: I wont touch any country men.
Saddam Hussein: Look, how can you have war without any disaster.
USA: No I will have war.
Saddam Hussein: You cant.
USA: No I will.
Saddam Hussein: You cant.
USA: No I will
Saddam Hussein: Yes cant.
USA: No I will.
Saddam Hussein: Yes cant.
USA: No I will.
Saddam Hussein: Whole world is against it.
USA: Oh look, I care about myself or world or about UN.
Saddam Hussein: You can take care of all.
USA: But I dont want.
Saddam Hussein: You can.
USA: No.
Saddam Hussein: You can.
USA: No.
Saddam Hussein: You can.
USA: No
Saddam Hussein: But UN inspector could not find any arm.
USA: Buy you have.
Saddam Hussein: Nonsense!
USA: Oh, this is futile!
Saddam Hussein: No it isn't.
USA: I came here for a full accounting for destruction of your weapons.
Saddam Hussein: But I dont have.
USA: Compliance isn't just saying "I've disarmed."
Saddam Hussein: I dont have.
USA: No it can't. Compliance is revealing and destroying weapons of mass destruction in full view of U.N. inspectors.
Saddam Hussein: But people have come here serached and they could not find it.
USA: They were from UN.
Saddam Hussein: So ??
USA: I dont believe them.
Saddam Hussein: But you should.
USA: No.
Pause
Saddam Hussein: You should.
USA: It is.
Saddam Hussein: Not at all.
USA: Now look.
Saddam Hussein: (Rings bell) Good Morning.
USA: What?
Saddam Hussein: That's it. Good morning.
USA: I was just getting started.
Saddam Hussein: Sorry, the inspections are done.
USA: That was never disarmament!
Saddam Hussein: I'm afraid it was.
USA: It wasn't.
Pause
Saddam Hussein: OK, you can have inspection, but what is the use if you are not going to believe them.
USA: What?!
Saddam Hussein: Even if I allow, you again say that I have WMDs.
USA: Yes, I will still say that.
Saddam Hussein: Look, this is ridiculous.
USA: (Hums)
Saddam Hussein: I'm sorry, but I wont allowed them unless you say that this will last inspection.
USA: What do you mean last.
Saddam Hussein: Last inspection.
Pause
USA: Well?
Saddam Hussein: Well what?
USA: I think you have arms.
Saddam Hussein: I told you, I dont have.
USA: I think!
Saddam Hussein: No.
USA: YES!
Saddam Hussein: No.


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Don Kiddick
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Posts: 580
the first one was funnier...
Thomas Paul
mister krabs
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Joined: May 05, 2000
Posts: 13974
Ravish's version is pretty lame. First off no American would ever say, "I think that you will attack on us." That is just pitiful English. Second, he has Sadaam asking, "But suddenly why you want me to disarm," when the UN has been asking him to disarm for 12 years! Not even Sadaam would be stupid enough to make that claim!
And this part is completely incoherent:
USA: Oh look, I care about myself or world or about UN.
Saddam Hussein: You can take care of all.
USA: But I dont want.
Saddam Hussein: You can.
I haven't a clue what is going on in this conversation.
But the worst sin is that the author fails to understand Monty Python and has lost the wit of the original skit. Instead he has just thrown words on the page apparently in a fit of pique without trying to create something of artistic merit. Very sad.
Paul Stevens
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Joined: May 17, 2001
Posts: 2823
The actual skit.
Mapraputa Is
Leverager of our synergies
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Posts: 10065
Tom, one comment about 12 years of asking would be probably enough.
[ March 11, 2003: Message edited by: Mapraputa Is ]

Uncontrolled vocabularies
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Jason Menard
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Joined: Nov 09, 2000
Posts: 6450
Ravish,
I get the impression from various posts that you believe the Iraqis may be telling the truth when they say they have no banned weapons. If that's the case, what do you have to say about the banned weapons the UN inspectors keep finding that the Iraqis claimed they didn't have?
R K Singh
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Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Ravish's version is pretty lame.
Agree with you
First off no American would ever say, "I think that you will attack on us."
I have asked in another thread, I cant understand why there should be war ??
If only reason is that Saddam is dictator and he kills his own people, then I beg your pardon, I am not convince.
That is just pitiful English.
Please bear with me
when the UN has been asking him to disarm for 12 years! Not even Sadaam would be stupid enough to make that claim!
I came to know about this disarm theory recently.
So for last 12 yrs what has Saddam done bad to US ??
And this part is completely incoherent:
USA: Oh look, I care about myself or world or about UN.
Saddam Hussein: You can take care of all.
USA: But I dont want.
Saddam Hussein: You can.


I haven't a clue what is going on in this conversation.

USA: Oh look, should I care about myself OR world OR UN.(means I cant take care of everything, I can take care of myself only.)
Saddam Hussein: You can take care of all.
USA: But I dont want. [to take care of everything]
Saddam Hussein: You can.[take care of everything]

Instead he has just thrown words on the page apparently in a fit of pique without trying to create something of artistic merit. Very sad.
Beleieve me I am not artist.
I cant make good movie, but I can judge which movie is good or bad.
Call me critique.
I know how much talent one needs to be a writer. Writing is an art.
R K Singh
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Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371

I get the impression from various posts that you believe the Iraqis may be telling the truth when they say they have no banned weapons.

Yes, you are right.
It is something like that police can arrest you without having any proof of possession of illegal arms with you.
If that's the case, what do you have to say about the banned weapons the UN inspectors keep finding that the Iraqis claimed they didn't have?
Banned ?? Sorry, I might be wrong, but if you are talking abt those missiles which have been told to destroy recently, then Iraq itself told that it might go beyond its range.
Think, if Iraq would have not told that to UN ??
I know Iraq is under dictatorship. But this does not give right to US to attack Iraq.
Thomas Paul
mister krabs
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Joined: May 05, 2000
Posts: 13974
Originally posted by Ravish Kumar:
So for last 12 yrs what has Saddam done bad to US ??

Sadaam has been tied to terrorists who have killed Americans. Right now, the murderers of that American nurse in Lebanon are hiding out in Bagdhad. Even if you don't believe in his links to Al Queda, his links to terrorists in Palestime are indisputable. He has fired at American and British planes in the no-fly zone. He has continued to manufacture WMDs in spite of his agreements not to.
What surprises me is that you were not aware that the UN has been fighting with Sadaam for 12 years to get him to turn over his WMDs. It was just a few short years ago that he tossed out the UN inspectors. One of the issues the current inspection team is facing is that the previous inspection team had documented large stores of WMDs. Sadaam now claims they were all destroyed but offers no proof of this. Do you really think Sadaam would destroy his WMDs without the UN there to witness it?
Jason Menard
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Joined: Nov 09, 2000
Posts: 6450
Banned ?? Sorry, I might be wrong, but if you are talking abt those missiles which have been told to destroy recently, then Iraq itself told that it might go beyond its range.
Iraq claims that those missiles are not illegal. Aside from that, the UN has discovered an illegal UAV capable of deploying chemical/biological agents, cluster bomb like weapons (along with associated bomblets and production capabilities) for dispersing chemical/biological weapons, and chemical/biological capable artillery shells. That's all conrete findings that have been made, and this is all aside from what the UN (not the US but the UN) very strongly suspects the Iraqis still have, which I believe includes thousands of liters of anthrax and vx.
[ March 11, 2003: Message edited by: Jason Menard ]
Jason Menard
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Joined: Nov 09, 2000
Posts: 6450
Originally posted by Thomas Paul:
Sadaam now claims they were all destroyed but offers no proof of this.

It should be noted for anyone who wants to give Saddam the benefit of the doubt on this, that the UN resolutions call for verifiable destruction of WMDs. Saddam knows that this is required. If he had truly destroyed these WMDs because he intended on fulfilling the UN mandate, he would have eagerly verified that these weapons were destroyed. As Thomas suggested, destroying weapons in the presence of UN inspectors is one such way to produce such verification. He has not done this however (Saddam, not Thomas, who also refuses to destroy his WMDs).
[ March 11, 2003: Message edited by: Jason Menard ]
R K Singh
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Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Originally posted by Jason Menard:
.....this is all aside from what the UN (not the US but the UN) .....

Then really I will appreciate US intentions for ME.
I think, then US should wait for UN to say Fire/Attack.
David O'Meara
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Posts: 13459

Hey, you guys tricked me! This thread was once about Monty Python
No-one told me Jason would be contributing!
David O'Meara
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Posts: 13459

Originally posted by Thomas Paul:
But the worst sin is that the author fails to understand Monty Python and has lost the wit of the original skit. Instead he has just thrown words on the page apparently in a fit of pique without trying to create something of artistic merit. Very sad.

Maybe this would be a better follow up:
Iraq: I'd like to report my disarmament
USA: *whack*
Iraq: Ow!
USA: No, put your hands on your head and say 'Wah' *whack*
Iraq: ooooooo!
USA: No, 'wah', 'wah'! *whack*
Iraq: Wah!
USA: Better
Iraq: Stop hitting me!
USA: Stop hitting you? Why didn't you disarm then?
and so on and so forth.
 
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subject: Did so! Did not!