aspose file tools*
The moose likes Meaningless Drivel and the fly likes IT Consultant (joke) Big Moose Saloon
  Search | Java FAQ | Recent Topics | Flagged Topics | Hot Topics | Zero Replies
Register / Login
JavaRanch » Java Forums » Other » Meaningless Drivel
Bookmark "IT Consultant (joke)" Watch "IT Consultant (joke)" New topic
Author

IT Consultant (joke)

Ashok Mash
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 13, 2000
Posts: 1936
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the shepherd: "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot
tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mi! ni-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."
The shepherd cheers, "That's correct, you can have your sheep." The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"
The young man answers, "Yes, why not?" The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant."
"How did you know?" asks the young man.
"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business... Now can I have my dog back?"


[ flickr ]
Anonymous
Ranch Hand

Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Posts: 18944
Excellent joke!! Good laugh.
AmericanEagle
Marilyn de Queiroz
Sheriff

Joined: Jul 22, 2000
Posts: 9047
    
  10


JavaBeginnersFaq
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift; that's why they call it the present." Eleanor Roosevelt
Anonymous
Ranch Hand

Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Posts: 18944
A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."
The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."
The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."
The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"
Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."
AmericanEagle
Cindy Glass
"The Hood"
Sheriff

Joined: Sep 29, 2000
Posts: 8521


"JavaRanch, where the deer and the Certified play" - David O'Meara
Miguel Roque
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 24, 2002
Posts: 126
A joke about Microsoft and Apple.
There was a convension and two guys from Microsoft and two from Apple have gone there. All of them have gone by train and when they arrive to the rail station, the two from MS have bought two tickets and the two of Apple only one ticket. The guys from MS asked to the guys from Apple.
- Why have you only bought one ticket?
And the guys from Apple answered:
- Look and learn.
Well, they get into the train and the two guys from Apple went to the bathroom. The train starts and a few minutes later the guy has appeared to check the tickets, knoks on the bathroom door and one of the guys from Apple gives the ticket to him having the guys from MS looking seated where they where.
Two days later, after the convension, when they where returning the guys from MS have buy one ticket and the two from Apple none. The guys from MS asked:
- Why have you buy no ticket?
And the two from Apple answered:
- Look and learn.
They entered to the train and the two from MS entered to one bathroom and the two from Apple to other. The train starts and one of the guys from Apple goes to the bathroom where the two from MS where and ask's:
- Tickets please.

Miguel
 
I agree. Here's the link: http://aspose.com/file-tools
 
subject: IT Consultant (joke)