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[Rated R+] Joke

Michael Morris
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Joined: Jan 30, 2002
Posts: 3451
A city-slicker comes down to Texas to visit his cousin. While wandering thru the pasture the two come upon a ewe with her head hung between two strands of barb wire in the fence. Not to pass up such a fortuitous event the Texan drops his pants and takes advantage of the poor beast. When he finishes he turns to his cousin and says "Your turn Cuz." The cousin responds, "OK but you're gonna have to help me get my head stuck in the fence."


Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. - Ernst F. Schumacher
John Smith
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Joined: Oct 08, 2001
Posts: 2937
I wouldn't fuck an ewe after someone, either. But if she is a virgin, that's another matter! That makes me a slick Texan, I guess.
[ May 01, 2003: Message edited by: Eugene Kononov ]
Michael Morris
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Joined: Jan 30, 2002
Posts: 3451
But if she is a virgin, that's another matter!
The only virgin ewes in Texas are the ones that can run faster than their masters and are smart enough not to stick their head in the fence!
Follow up joke:
The cousin comes for a visit the following year. One evening the two go out to the pig sty. The Texan promptly corners a sow and gets busy and suggests that his cousin do the same. Folding to the peer pressure, the city-slicker grabs a sow and proceeds. After a few strokes he complains to the Texan that this isn't exactly fun. The Texan pauses, looks over at his cousin and says "W'hell no wonder, you picked the ugliest one in the pen!"
John Smith
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Joined: Oct 08, 2001
Posts: 2937
While I am in my religious mood, I recall a particular passage from the Bible. God said something to the extend that if someone is caught fucking a pig, he must be killed, and the pig must be killed, too. Really, I am not kidding, -- I can provide a reference from the scripture. My question is, why kill the pig, -- hasn't she suffered enough?
Michael Morris
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Joined: Jan 30, 2002
Posts: 3451
I believe that's in Leviticus. Of course what orthodox Jew would be fucking a pig in the first place?
Richard Hawkes
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Joined: Jan 28, 2003
Posts: 1340
Originally posted by Eugene Kononov:
My question is, why kill the pig, -- hasn't she suffered enough?

The pig may have suffered undetected earlier humiliations at the hands of others.
These others may have some social standing.
The pig had to be silenced in case it was tempted to squeal ...

[Note: "to squeal" in England can mean "to grass" or to offer information to the police about the illegal activities of others, normally in an attempt to escape prosecution]
[ May 01, 2003: Message edited by: Richard Hawkes ]
Michael Morris
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Joined: Jan 30, 2002
Posts: 3451
[Note: "to squeal" in England can mean "to grass" or to offer information to the police about the illegal activities of others, normally in an attempt to escape prosecution]
W'hell, it means the same thang in Texas! And they say you Brits can't speak English!
Michael Morris
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Joined: Jan 30, 2002
Posts: 3451
The Texan and his cousin decide to visit the desolation out in West Texas and find themselves in a small town one night. They go into the local saloon looking for some action. Not a female anywhere in town it seems. They ask the bartender (not the ones at JavaRanch) what every one does for "action" in a town with no women. The barkeep says well we just go down to the livery stable and pick out a nice mare. So the two mosey off to the livery and pick out a nice roan and get busy. Next thing they know, they're being drug off by an angry mob with torches and a rope for hanging. The two said "The bartender said it was OK to fuck the horses here." At which, the sheriff said, "Well boys, why'djall hafta go'n fuck the mayor's girlfriend?"
John Smith
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Joined: Oct 08, 2001
Posts: 2937
If I had to choose between an ewe, a pig, and a horse, I would definitely go for a horse. Horses are very erotic animals, full of grace. And their asses are really close to the real thing. In fact, give me a horse and Pamela Anderson, I am not sure what I would choose.
What animal would you prefer, guys?
Michael Morris
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Joined: Jan 30, 2002
Posts: 3451
I would definitely go for a horse.
They tell me mares that are stump broke fetch a premium price.
Richard Hawkes
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Joined: Jan 28, 2003
Posts: 1340
Originally posted by Eugene Kononov:
What animal would you prefer, guys?

Freshly caught sea bass
(make sure you get that hook out properly though)
 
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