aspose file tools*
The moose likes Meaningless Drivel and the fly likes One Liner Joke Big Moose Saloon
  Search | Java FAQ | Recent Topics | Flagged Topics | Hot Topics | Zero Replies
Register / Login


Win a copy of Spring in Action this week in the Spring forum!
JavaRanch » Java Forums » Other » Meaningless Drivel
Bookmark "One Liner Joke" Watch "One Liner Joke" New topic
Author

One Liner Joke

Michael Morris
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 30, 2002
Posts: 3451
Why did they invent whiskey?
To keep the Irish from conquering the world.


Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. - Ernst F. Schumacher
Randall Twede
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 21, 2000
Posts: 4347
    
    2

wow this is scary...i came here to start a thread called favorite one-liners!!!
anyway i like this one i heard on "that 70's show"
what did you have for breakfast? Carnation Instant Bitch?


SCJP
Visit my download page
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Two surds were playing chess.
Chris Baron
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 21, 2003
Posts: 1049
An Opel Manta is parked in front of the University.
basha khan
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 26, 2002
Posts: 516
My sister's kid once asked me the same questien.he asked me "If we go to heaven,can we drink whiskey?." i said "ofcource u can".then he said."so why cant we drink now?.if whiskey is drinkable in heaven and god itself provide it from heaven,what is wrong with drinking it now?".i stopped a little and answered to the kid."god invented whiskey because god want to show you that comforts like whiskey is availeable in heaven.but do not drink it now".i've escaped from the kid but i could'nt escape from myself.
Gail Mikels
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 07, 2001
Posts: 634
A horse walks into a bar & the bartender asks him, "Why the long face?"


Gail Mikels
Richard Hawkes
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 28, 2003
Posts: 1340
Man walks into a bar. He says "Ouch!". It was an iron bar.
Richard Hawkes
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 28, 2003
Posts: 1340
A: "Dark here ain't it?".
B: "Dunno, can't see...".
Richard Hawkes
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 28, 2003
Posts: 1340
A: "My dog's got no nose".
B: "How does he smell?!".
A: "Well, he can't ... he's got no nose...".
D Kumar
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jun 10, 2003
Posts: 93
nice site for jokes ..even my cat loves it
http://www.santabanta.com/
Angela Poynton
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 02, 2000
Posts: 3143
as some of you know i'm having a crack at some stand-up on the London Comedy Circuit. My jokes are rubbish though.
Hwoever, my current favourite in London right now is a Pun-Meister called Gary Delaney, who penned these little gems.
Imagine these being told in a VERY deadpan style.
Winnie the Pooh .... Possibly the most vindictive chapter in Nelson Mandela's autobiography.
I met a man the other day who reminded me of my dad.... he said "Don't forget your dad".
I used to go out with a pink mouse who lived on the moon but we split up ... I think I dropped a clanger. Not sure if non-UK people would get that one
I annoy my Israeli flatmate by giving him all of the mail address to "The Occupier".
I once wrote a book on hedgehogs ... paper would have been easier.

[ June 11, 2003: Message edited by: Angela Poynton ]

Pounding at a thick stone wall won't move it, sometimes, you need to step back to see the way around.
Gregg Bolinger
GenRocket Founder
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 11, 2001
Posts: 15299
    
    6

Originally posted by Angela Poynton:
as some of you know i'm having a crack at some stand-up on the London Comedy Circuit. My jokes are rubbish though.
Hwoever, my current favourite in London right now is a Pun-Meister called Gary Delaney, who penned these little gems.
Imagine these being told in a VERY deadpan style.
Winnie the Pooh .... Possibly the most vindictive chapter in Nelson Mandela's autobiography.
I met a man the other day who reminded me of my dad.... he said "Don't forget your dad".
I used to go out with a pink mouse who lived on the moon but we split up ... I think I dropped a clanger. Not sure if non-UK people would get that one
I annoy my Israeli flatmate by giving him all of the mail address to "The Occupier".
I once wrote a book on hedgehogs ... paper would have been easier.

[ June 11, 2003: Message edited by: Angela Poynton ]

I sense a bit of Steven Wright in your humor. I love Steven Wright.


GenRocket - Experts at Building Test Data
Michael Morris
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 30, 2002
Posts: 3451
I used to go out with a pink mouse who lived on the moon but we split up ... I think I dropped a clanger. Not sure if non-UK people would get that one
Ok Angela, you have to explain it to the Texan.
Angela Poynton
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 02, 2000
Posts: 3143
Originally posted by Gregg Bolinger:

I sense a bit of Steven Wright in your humor. I love Steven Wright.


Well they aren't MY gags, but I think they're hilarious.
My stand-up isn't one-liners, I'm not clever enough to do them. I'm more chatty.
e.g. - Men famously mentally undress women they find attractive, it's a way of confirming in their own minds that the woman really is attractive.
A little known fact though is that women mentally undress men for the same reasons.
There's a problem with that though, we can't leave it there because the naked male form isn't attractive ever! The naked male form is hilarious! So if we left it there procreation would stop because women all over the world would be laughing and Dolphins would rule the earth. This was bad so the women of the world got together and had a conference to address the issue .... ok it was more of a coffee morning but we decided to add an extra step.
So now, we mentally undress a man ....
then very quickly mentally redress them in the clothes we would make them wear if they were our boyfriend.
Angela Poynton
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 02, 2000
Posts: 3143
Originally posted by Michael Morris:
I used to go out with a pink mouse who lived on the moon but we split up ... I think I dropped a clanger. Not sure if non-UK people would get that one
Ok Angela, you have to explain it to the Texan.

This should help!
Donald R. Cossitt
buckaroo
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 31, 2003
Posts: 401
Are 'Clangers' related to The Tick?


doco
 
It is sorta covered in the JavaRanch Style Guide.
 
subject: One Liner Joke