(all of the jokes are rescued from another
thread)
There has a be hundreds. I figure if I post one, you'll think of one and post it and that will remind somebody else of one ....
Blond Mating Call: Oh, I'm so drunk [giggle].
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: Why don't blondes eat M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: What do you call a blonde that stayed in the freezer overnight?
A: A frosted flake.
A blonde burnette and a redhead all agree that they are going to have a swimming contest to see who is the fastest swimmmer across a lake. they all agree that they are going to use breaststroke to race the redhead comes in first with an hour and a half the bunette comes in second with two hours and the blonde comes finally in last with 4 hours. she walks up to the judges stand and says i hate to be a sore loser but i think the other two girls where using their arms
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a
solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
A blonde, a brunette and a readhead are stuck on an island. For year and years they live there, one day they find a magic lamp.
They rub and rub and sure enough out comes a geenie.
The geenie says "since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one"
So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life-- I just want to go home" and POOF she is gone.
The the red head makes her wish "This place sucks, I want to go home too" and poof she is gone.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The geenie says to her " my dear what is the matter, "I wish my friends were here"
A blonde is pulled over by a couple of highway patrolmen, one a seasoned veteran and the other a wet-behind-the-ears rookie. After checking the blondes license and going thru the normal routine, the older officer tells the younger "When you give her back her licence, unzip you pants, and pull out your pecker." Shocked, the younger argues momentarily but is eventually persuaded. So, he goes back hands the young lady her license, unzips and reveals his manhood. The blonde says:
"Oh shit, not another breathalyzer!"
Q: A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the sixth grade, which one has the biggest boobs?
A: The blonde, she's 17.
Q. You know what you call a blonde in a tree?
A. Branch Manager.
A blind man and his guide dog enter a pub and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, do you want to hear a blonde joke?"
The pub instantly becomes quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke,
you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in Judo. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. Think about it seriously. Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it four times."
*******
Two blonde rednecks were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a shit." The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and shit." The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?" The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with shit all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?" The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
*******
A hair sylist calls for an amulance when her blonde customer's face and lips turn blue. When the paramedics arrive they pronounce her dead by suffocation. The stylist is shocked.
"What happened?" asked the paramedics. "I don't know" replies the stylist, "she came in and asked for a perm. She insited on wearing her headphones thoughout which was strange ... but anyway when she fell asleep I removed them so I could get the job done better. A while later she was like this!"
The paramedics look at each other, "Where are the headphones?". The stylist hands them to one of the paramedics. He listens, shakes his head, then passes them back to the stylist to listen.
She hears, "... breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out ..."
*********
A blonde and brunette in an elevator. A man walks in with really bad dandruff. The brunette whispers "Someone should give him some Head and Shoulders". The blonde replies "How do you give shoulders?"
Okay - your turn to add more ....