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[Rated R] Genie Jokes

Michael Morris
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 30, 2002
Posts: 3451
OK, I dare anyone to take offense at these!
Guy walks into a bar wearing a large overcoat with a beautiful woman on each arm. Steps up to the bar orders champaigne for the ladies and a beer for himself. The bartender sets up the drinks and says that'll be $40. The man reaches into his left pocket, pulls out a $100 bill hands it over and says keep the change. All of a sudden a midget jumps out of his right pocket spits in his face and knocks his beer over and goes back into his pocket. The bartender says "What the hell was that all about?" The dude says "Well I was walking on the beach and found a lamp, while I was rubbing on it a Genie pops up and says he will grant me three wishes. I say okay, I want a beautiful woman on each arm. Next, every time I reach into my left pocket I want to pull out a $100 bill. Finally, I want a 12" prick and that was the little mother fucker that just kicked my beer over!"
[ July 24, 2003: Message edited by: Michael Morris ]

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. - Ernst F. Schumacher
Andrew Monkhouse
author and jackaroo
Marshal Commander

Joined: Mar 28, 2003
Posts: 11277
    
  59

A husband and wife are golfing together.
The husband makes a terrible slice and puts his ball through
the window of a home.
They go see if they can do anything or pay for repairs.
When they peek through the window, they see a man sitting
indian-style on the floor next to a broken vase.
The couple asks if there is anything they can do since they
caused the damage.
The man replied, "No, No, it's what I can do for you. You
have no idea how long I've been inside that vase. Since you
have freed me, I have three wishes to give, but one I will
keep for myself."
The husband thinks and he wishes for the perfect golf score,
everytime he plays.
The wife thinks and she wishes for enough money to buy
anything she wants, whenever she sees it.
The man tells, "Very well, your wishes are granted. Now my
wish is to spend 2 hours with your wife."
Given the situation, neither the wife nor the husband complain.
After the man has spent his two hours with the wife, they
begin to dress. He looks over at the lady and asks,
"How long has your husband believed in this genie bullshit anyway?"


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Andrew Monkhouse
author and jackaroo
Marshal Commander

Joined: Mar 28, 2003
Posts: 11277
    
  59

A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their project
manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they
come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off. Poof --
out pops a genie.
"Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant you 3 wishes. Since there are 3 of you, I will grant one wish to each of
you."
The hardware engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an all-girl
crew."
"It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappears.
The software engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American
Southwest."
"It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the software engineer
disappears.
The project manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the Genie, "I'd like those two
back in the office after lunch."
[ July 25, 2003: Message edited by: Andrew Monkhouse ]
 
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