OK, I dare anyone to take offense at these! Guy walks into a bar wearing a large overcoat with a beautiful woman on each arm. Steps up to the bar orders champaigne for the ladies and a beer for himself. The bartender sets up the drinks and says that'll be $40. The man reaches into his left pocket, pulls out a $100 bill hands it over and says keep the change. All of a sudden a midget jumps out of his right pocket spits in his face and knocks his beer over and goes back into his pocket. The bartender says "What the hell was that all about?" The dude says "Well I was walking on the beach and found a lamp, while I was rubbing on it a Genie pops up and says he will grant me three wishes. I say okay, I want a beautiful woman on each arm. Next, every time I reach into my left pocket I want to pull out a $100 bill. Finally, I want a 12" prick and that was the little mother fucker that just kicked my beer over!" [ July 24, 2003: Message edited by: Michael Morris ]
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. - Ernst F. Schumacher
A husband and wife are golfing together. The husband makes a terrible slice and puts his ball through the window of a home. They go see if they can do anything or pay for repairs. When they peek through the window, they see a man sitting indian-style on the floor next to a broken vase. The couple asks if there is anything they can do since they caused the damage. The man replied, "No, No, it's what I can do for you. You have no idea how long I've been inside that vase. Since you have freed me, I have three wishes to give, but one I will keep for myself." The husband thinks and he wishes for the perfect golf score, everytime he plays. The wife thinks and she wishes for enough money to buy anything she wants, whenever she sees it. The man tells, "Very well, your wishes are granted. Now my wish is to spend 2 hours with your wife." Given the situation, neither the wife nor the husband complain. After the man has spent his two hours with the wife, they begin to dress. He looks over at the lady and asks, "How long has your husband believed in this genie bullshit anyway?"
A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their project manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off. Poof -- out pops a genie. "Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant you 3 wishes. Since there are 3 of you, I will grant one wish to each of you." The hardware engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an all-girl crew." "It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappears. The software engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American Southwest." "It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the software engineer disappears. The project manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the Genie, "I'd like those two back in the office after lunch." [ July 25, 2003: Message edited by: Andrew Monkhouse ]