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Jokes about the English

Richard Hawkes
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Joined: Jan 28, 2003
Posts: 1340
I wanted to post a joke about the French but in order to do that I feel I have to balance it by adding a few jokes about the English ... except there aren't any that I could find . Or rather the ones I did find were really lame, like:
Q. What does an Englishman do for thrills?
A. Eats an After Eight mint at 7:30.
Where are all the jokes about the English? I mean we've pissed enough people off - the Irish, Scots, Aussies, Canadians, Americans, Indians, Chinese all have some historical beef with us - so why aren't they insulting us with jokes?!?
Help please ...
David O'Meara
Rancher

Joined: Mar 06, 2001
Posts: 13459

Hey, I missed the Aussie abuse. Got a link?
(I have to avoid the [ rated ] topics at work due to sniffers)
An Australian woman and an English lady are travelling on a bus together.
The Australian woman says "Who are you traveling with?"
The English lady says "One should never end a sentence with a preposition"
The Australian woman says "Who are you traveling with, bitch?"
----
(abusing Americans and Australians at the same time - one of my favourites. Other races are of course substitutable)
A man walks into a brain surgeon and says "I want to become an American. I want you to remove 25% of my brain"
The surgeon believes this a strange request but goes ahead anyway.
After the operation, the man wakes to see the doctor looking at him with a concerned look on his face.
"There's been a terrible mistake", says the doctor. "Instead of removing 25% of your brain, we only left 25%"
The man look at the doctor and says "She'll be right, mate."
Marcus Green
arch rival
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Joined: Sep 14, 1999
Posts: 2813
Q. How do you know when you have a jet plane full of English people?
A. When they turn off the engine you can still hear the whining
Q. How can you tell which is the Australian side in a cricket match
A. The Australians are the ones bowling underarm.


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Richard Hawkes
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 28, 2003
Posts: 1340
Originally posted by David O'Meara:
Hey, I missed the Aussie abuse. Got a link?
(I have to avoid the [ rated ] topics at work due to sniffers)
Found the following at: http://www.thisisparramatta.com/pomsinoz/jokes.html
Bruce and Sheila
Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend Sheila about to throw herself off.
Bruce slams on the brakes and yells "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think yer doin?"
Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."
Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this.
"Sheila" he says, "Not only are you a great root, but you're a real sport too."
Richard Hawkes
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 28, 2003
Posts: 1340
What No Delete?
[ July 31, 2003: Message edited by: Richard Hawkes ]
Richard Hawkes
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 28, 2003
Posts: 1340
I must conclude that the English are pretty much perfect if there're so few jokes that ridicule us. Just as I suspected
I liked the whining/engine joke the best
gautham kasinath
Ranch Hand

Joined: Dec 01, 2000
Posts: 583
Originally posted by Marcus Green:
Q. How do you know when you have a jet plane full of English people?
A. When they turn off the engine you can still hear the whining
Q. How can you tell which is the Australian side in a cricket match
A. The Australians are the ones bowling underarm.

- Hey marcus!!! Well, I never thought I d run into YOU!!
Well, I wanted to thank you for the site on SCJP questionnaire.. I havent taken the exams yet, nor do I plan to.. but the questions posted are very very useful.
Thanks very much for that mate!
Cheers
Lupo


"In the country of the blind, the one eyed man is the King"
Gautham Kasinath CV at : http://www.geocities.com/gkasinath
 
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