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[repeat] Global American Logic

Anonymous
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Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Posts: 18944
Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction, honey.


Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.


Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find something, probably right before the 2004 election.


Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass
destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.


Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them?

A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves.



Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they
choose to die if they had all those big weapons to
fight us back with?

A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to
make sense.



Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they
had
any of those weapons our government said they did.

A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not
they had those weapons. We had another good reason
to invade them anyway.



Q: And what was that?

A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass
destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator,
which is another good reason to invade another
country.



Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it
OK to invade his country?

A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.



Q: Kind of like what they do in China?

A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good
economic competitor, where millions of people work
for
slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations
richer.



Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for
American corporate gain, it's a good country, even
if that country tortures people?

A: Right.



Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?

A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing
the
government. People who criticized the government in
Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.



Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?

A: I told you, China is different.



Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?

A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath
party, while China is Communist.



Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?

A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.



Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?

A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the
government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.



Q: Like in Iraq?

A: Exactly.



Q: And like in China, too?

A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor.
Cuba, on the other hand, is not.



Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?

A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our
government passed some laws that made it illegal for Americans to
trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being Communists

and started being capitalists like us.



Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade
with Cuba, and started doing business with them,
wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?

A: Don't be a smart-ass.



Q: Didn't think I was being one

A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of
religion in Cuba.



Q: Kind of like China and the @!#$ movement?

A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China.
Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a
military coup, so he's not really a legitimate
leader anyway.



Q: What's a military coup?

A: That's when a military general takes over the
government of a country by force, instead of holding
free elections like we do in the United States.



Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a
military coup?

A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he
did, but Pakistan is our friend.



Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?

A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.



Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes
to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate
government of a nation is an illegitimate leader?

A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our
friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.



Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?

A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.



Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?

A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen of
them Saudi Arabians, hijacked four airplanes and
flew three of them into buildings,
killing over 3,000 Americans.



Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?

A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained,
under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.



Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who
chopped off people's heads and hands?

A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did
they chop off people's heads and hands, but they
oppressed women, too.



Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban
43
million dollars back in May of 2001?

A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did
such a good job fighting drugs.



Q: Fighting drugs?

A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping
people from growing opium poppies.



Q: How did they do such a good job?

A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium
poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and
heads cut off.



Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and
hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if
they cut people's heads and hands off for other reasons?

A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic
fundamentalists cut off people's hands for growing
flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's
hands for stealing bread.



Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads
in Saudi Arabia?

A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a
tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and
forced
them to wear burqas whenever they were in public,
with
death by stoning as the penalty for women who did
not comply.



Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public,
too?

A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic
body covering.



Q: What's the difference?

A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi
women is a modest yet fashionable garment that
covers
all of a woman's body except for her eyes and
fingers.
The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of
patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's
body except for her eyes and fingers.



Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different
name.

A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi
Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.



Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on
September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.

A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.



Q: Who trained them?

A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.



Q: Was he from Afghanistan?

A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was
a bad man, a very bad man.



Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.

A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel
the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the
1980s.



Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist
Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?

A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke
up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have
elections
and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.



Q: So the Soviets, I mean, the Russians, are now our
friends?

A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends
for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but
then they decided not to support our invasion of
Iraq,
so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the
French
and the Germans because they didn't help us invade
Iraq either.



Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?

A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had
to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom
Fries and Freedom Toast.



Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another
country doesn't do what we want them to do?

A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies,
we invade.



Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the
1980s?

A: Well, yeah. For a while.



Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?

A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against
Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily.



Q: Why did that make him our friend?

A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.



Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?

A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at
the
time, we looked the other way, to show him we were
his friend.



Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically
becomes our friend?

A: Most of the time, yes.



Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends
is automatically an enemy?

A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the
better.



Q: Why?

A: Because war is good for the economy, which means
war is good for America. Also, since God is on
America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless
un-AmericanCommunist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?



Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted
us to, right?

A: Yes.



Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?

A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W.
Bush and tells him what to do.



Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we
attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in
his head?

A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works.
Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and
go to sleep. Good night.



Good night, Daddy.
[ October 14, 2003: Message edited by: Michael Ernest ]
Mani Ram
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 11, 2002
Posts: 1140
You are late by 19 days!


Mani
Quaerendo Invenietis
Thomas Paul
mister krabs
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 05, 2000
Posts: 13974
Q: Daddy, why do people keep reposting the same stupid things on javaranch?
A: Because they don't have any brains, son.


Associate Instructor - Hofstra University
Amazon Top 750 reviewer - Blog - Unresolved References - Book Review Blog
Jason Menard
Sheriff

Joined: Nov 09, 2000
Posts: 6450
Next time, save some bandwidth and post a link to your spam. I guess asking you to attribute your spam to its author would be too much to ask as well. I suppose though that if you had any message worth listening to, or if you had any faith in your own convictions (let's hypothetically assume you might have some), then I doubt you would be posting anonymously.
Anonymous
Ranch Hand

Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Posts: 18944
This is Ravish.
post a link to your spam.
I remember a thread which was closed because it had only link.
then I doubt you would be posting anonymously.
And Pleaseeee... stop criticising people for their being annonymous for what so ever reason.
And I dont think this is first time a joke/spam is being repeated here and I dont think it will be a good idea to search first and then post.
Even current running theist/atheist has been repaeted 1000 times in MD.
Its not SCJP forum where we advice people to search first and then ask question.
Thomas Paul
mister krabs
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 05, 2000
Posts: 13974
Originally posted by <R K Singh>:
post a link to your spam.
I remember a thread which was closed because it had only link.
Because it had a link to a web site with no explanation as to why.
Anonymous
Ranch Hand

Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Posts: 18944
Originally posted by Thomas Paul:
Because it had a link to a web site with no explanation as to why.


Like this?
Anonymous
Ranch Hand

Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Posts: 18944
Originally posted by Thomas Paul:
Because it had a link to a web site with no explanation as to why.

I also have no explanation why I posted this.
The only other way with explanation I could have posted it is like this:

Foetus with three parents created.
sharing it.
Thomas Paul
mister krabs
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 05, 2000
Posts: 13974
Originally posted by <the Parrot>:
Like this?

No, it was a link to a football team's website if I remember correctly. Linking to an article is "a good thing" (tm).
Anonymous
Ranch Hand

Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Posts: 18944
Originally posted by <R K Singh>:
This is Ravish.

No I am Ravish.
Anonymous
Ranch Hand

Joined: Nov 22, 2008
Posts: 18944
Sorry guys, I was little bit drunk.
R K Singh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5370
woohooooo..
There's so many of me!


"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
 
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