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Things you can't do in the City

Michael Morris
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 30, 2002
Posts: 3451
Having been a country boy all my life, living in a city is quite a change. Here's a short list of some things I can't do any more:
  • Piss off my back porch (if I had a back porch)
  • Take pot shots at crows flying over the back yard
  • Watch wild racoons eat the cat's food
  • Walk outside in my boxers
  • Bet on who can shoot the top circle out of the B in Budweiser with a pellet gun
  • Expect to make a 10 mile drive to work in 15 minutes


  • I'm sure as time goes on, many more things will come to mind. City life isn't all bad though, you can certainly find just about anything you would ever need near by. My daughter has had a big culture shock, moving from a barely 2A school to the biggest 5A in San Antonio but she seems to be adjusting well (probably the recipient of the "Johnny-come-lately" syndrome). Now all I have to do is convince her to go to UT instead of A&M for pre-law. Austin is only 70 miles from here and who ever heard of an Aggie Lawyer?


    Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. - Ernst F. Schumacher
    Damien Howard
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: Apr 01, 2003
    Posts: 456
    Other than the last point you made about driving 10 miles in 15 min, why would you want to do any of the other things?
    Maybe being a "city" boy I have missed out and will never understand.
    Ut is a great school, for engineeering anyway, but it is really really big, 50,000 plus students
    HS Thomas
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: May 15, 2002
    Posts: 3404
    Watch wild racoons eat the cat's food

    In cities here you can watch foxes eat the cat's food.
    From what I've heard in aome American cities you *can* watch racoons eat the cat's food.
    regards
    Paul Stevens
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: May 17, 2001
    Posts: 2823
    Originally posted by HS Thomas:


    From what I've heard in aome American cities you *can* watch racoons eat the cat's food.
    regards

    That is true.
    Timothy Chen Allen
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: Mar 16, 2003
    Posts: 161
    I grew up in Lumberton, Texas. It's the same place Debra Joe Fondren came from (I didn't know her but my big brother did). Depending on which city you're in, there are some positive things you might not be able to do in the city that happen almost daily in the country:
  • Take a swig from your coffee cup and realize that someone has been using it as a spitoon (urgurgurgr).
  • Go out to start your truck and see a bear trying to get it pregnant.
  • Yell "Billy Bob" and see 14 guys and a couple of girls turn around.
  • Having to carry a "Come-Along" in your truck so you can pull yourself out when you get stuck in the unpaved road (If you don't know what a come-along is, it's an engineering marvel that combines elements of a winch and brute force to give you a somewhat portable truck-unsticker).
  • Going swimming in the creek and wondering if that old wive's tale about water moccassins not being able to bit in the water is true.
  • Getting a tick embedded in your you-know-what (this happened to me when I was 11 years old and I'll never forget the experience).
  • Getting bit by a copperhead (this also happened to me when I was 11).
  • Hearing someone call the Preacher's daughter a "caution".


  • [ November 03, 2003: Message edited by: Tim Allen ]

    Timothy Chen Allen
    Learn Spanish in Washington, DC
    Anonymous
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: Nov 22, 2008
    Posts: 18944
    The stars are pretty absent from the sky in the city.
    HS Thomas
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: May 15, 2002
    Posts: 3404
    Take pot shots at crows flying over the back yard

    Things you would like to do in the city :Take pot shots at crows /pidgeons/ cats flying over the back yard.
    Richard Hawkes
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: Jan 28, 2003
    Posts: 1340
    Originally posted by HS Thomas:
    Things you would like to do in the city :Take pot shots at crows /pidgeons/ cats flying over the back yard.
    When one of my school friends started taking pot-shots at cats from his bedroom window (in the city), I broke his air rifle and he beat me up! We didn't hang out much after that...
    Other things you can't do in the city:
    - Expect to get away with sleeping with your sister/s for long,
    - Perform pagan rituals without getting abuse from the locals,
    - Slaughter all the firstborn,
    - Get your local pub to serve your moonshine,
    - Continually write "All work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy" without somebody telling your boss,
    - Grow your own weed in the garden
    [ November 05, 2003: Message edited by: Richard Hawkes ]
    HS Thomas
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: May 15, 2002
    Posts: 3404
    Originally posted by RH :
    Write "All work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy" without somebody telling your boss

    The bosses most likely don't like the competition.

    I was half joking about pot-shotting the critters. It must be my country up-bringing but don't they foul confined places!
    The other day I found a dead fox in the yard. Realising this was the city
    I just stopped myself from giving it a decent burial and called in the Environment services SWAT team (rabies) who insisted on the requirement of there being back yard access. Using any other access meant they could be legally sued (I assume if anyone in the household caught rabies).
    I doubt there'd be the same reaction in the countryside. Dead foxes go with the territory. I am not sure what the attitude to rabies is in the
    country.
    The other day I read that deer in Princeton roam freely.
    regards
    [ November 05, 2003: Message edited by: HS Thomas ]
    Richard Hawkes
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: Jan 28, 2003
    Posts: 1340
    Originally posted by HS Thomas:
    I doubt there'd be the same reaction in the countryside. Dead foxes go with the territory. Pot-boiled. Yummie!
    I am not sure what the attitude to rabies is in the country.
    They rarely notice the symptons when they appear on humans
    [ November 05, 2003: Message edited by: Richard Hawkes ]
    paul wheaton
    Trailboss

    Joined: Dec 14, 1998
    Posts: 20693
        ∞

    By living in the country I can raise my own animals. I know what goes into them. We sell meat to one woman that says that she had to become a vegetarian, not by choice. Eating meat made her terribly ill. But not our meat. !!!
    Ahh, the stars ....
    Baby goats
    Baby pigs
    Baby cows
    Baby chickens
    Baby deer and quail.
    Using the tractor to get things unstuck.
    And best of all, you know your neighbors much better in the country than you do in the city. Seems goofy, but it's true.


    permaculture Wood Burning Stoves 2.0 - 4-DVD set
    paul wheaton
    Trailboss

    Joined: Dec 14, 1998
    Posts: 20693
        ∞

    This morning the temperature is 5 degrees and the water to the house has stopped running ....
    Nick Allen
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: Sep 25, 2003
    Posts: 47
    things that don't happen since i moved to the city:
    -get pulled over by the cops just to say hello
    -get a ride home from the cops when caught drinking and driving (no warning even)
    -chase timber wolves on the quad (or horse)
    -saddle break a bison cow
    -have a party that doesn't get broken up by the cops because a bunch of fucking teenagers show up out of nowhere (fuckin city boys)
    -play slough hockey on a regular basis
    -sight in my gun in my backyard
    -get laid in the hammock in my backyard
    -get laid on the trampoline in my backyard
    -have a pellet gun war with my little brother
    -drink with the cops when it's their night off
    -not worry about it when i lose my wallet, or anything else
    -breathe fresh air
    -go hunting and not have most of the people you know think your some in-human bastard for killing a poor defenseless deer
    -shoot gophers (this has got to be the most entertaining waste of an afternoon that i can think of)
    sorry about, i really miss living on a farm. too bad nobody cares about farmers and ranchers anymore


    'I need something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live' -QSA
    HS Thomas
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: May 15, 2002
    Posts: 3404
    Nice work, Paul.
    What do you do for entertainment ?
    regards
    HS Thomas
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: May 15, 2002
    Posts: 3404
    Originally posted by Richard Hawkes:
    I am not sure what the attitude to rabies is in the country.
    They rarely notice the symptons when they appear on humans
    [/QB]


    [ November 05, 2003: Message edited by: HS Thomas ]
    paul wheaton
    Trailboss

    Joined: Dec 14, 1998
    Posts: 20693
        ∞

    Water's working. There's a tiny pipe that goes from the house plumbing to the pressure switch. It was frozen, so the pump wouldn't turn on. Warm it up and everything works! Gotta heater down there right now. Gonna get a thermostat tomorrow so the room won't have to be so warm.
    John Dunn
    slicker
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: Jan 30, 2003
    Posts: 1108
    Having been a country boy all my life, living in a city is quite a change.
    Hate to ask, but what makes you think you live in a 'City'???


    "No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does."
    Michael Morris
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: Jan 30, 2002
    Posts: 3451
    Originally posted by John Dunn:
    Having been a country boy all my life, living in a city is quite a change.
    Hate to ask, but what makes you think you live in a 'City'???

    The nearest neighbor's house is now measured in feet instead of miles, there are freeways here, buildings taller than three stories, and lot's of freakin' traffic everywhere. I get lost without a map, there are museums, a proffesional basketball team with a domed stadium, etc, etc, etc.
    John Dunn
    slicker
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: Jan 30, 2003
    Posts: 1108
    The nearest neighbor's house is now measured in feet instead of miles,
    Don't you love it?
    I grew up thinking every city with a baseball or football team was like NYC!, so I usually am suprised with the size of a some of the more popular cities in the US.
    One nice thing, IMHO, about bigger cities is that no one can own it. i.e. If you're acting comfortable in NYC, no one will know for sure if you just got here or if you were born & raised here.
     
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    subject: Things you can't do in the City