Feeling bored at the office? Looking for something new and exciting to do? Why not initiate an office dare system - however to do it properly only you are allowed to know the dare. Sound confusing? Well read on..........
ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES 1) Run one lap around the office at top speed. 2)Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you. 3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye." 4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and Grimace. 5) When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!". 6) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way". 7) Walk sideways to the photocopier. 8) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. THREE-POINTS DARES 1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers. 2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it". 3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice). 4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle(there must be a 'non-player' within sight). 5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting. FIVE POINT DARES 1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself). 2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times. 3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob". 4) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "The report's on your desk, Mon". Keep this up for one hour. 5) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator. 6) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!". 7) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again". 8) In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights". 9) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?". 10) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now". 11) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it". 12) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go. 13) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call. 14) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk. 15) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist. 16) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door. 17) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts. And if that isn't enough for you... How to keep a healthy level of insanity: 1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." 3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4) Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN." 5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6) In the subject field for all your e-mails, write " FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS". 7) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy." 8) Don't use any punctuation 9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. 11) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 12) Sing along at the opera. 13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. 15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard. 17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!" 18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
Things to do in Office Meetings 1. Take notes in finger paint. 2. At sensitive moments, blow your nose raucously. Apologize for your sinus condition. 3. Laugh uproariously at a quip that was made 2 or 3 minutes ago. Say, �Oh, now I get it!� 4. Wear a disposable paper face mask. Tell the group: �Hey, you don't want to catch what I've got!� 5. Check your watch very regularly, every 30 seconds or so. 6. Make a face like somebody beside you farted. 7. Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the real reason this meeting has been called. 8. Slowly slump in your seat. When you are about to fall off the chair, suddenly straighten up. Apologize profusely. 9. Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table. 10. Bring a noisy electric pencil sharpener. Sharpen your pencil every few minutes. 11. Complain loudly that your neighbor won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it. 12. Have someone deliver a large cardboard box to you in the conference room. Apologize while you sign for it. About half an hour later, have a different person deliver another one. 13. Remove your shoes and socks. Lay your socks on the table, turn each one inside out, and inspect them carefully. If anyone says anything, tell them "doctor's orders." 14. Roll your eyes at almost everything the boss says. If addressed directly, adopt a cowering posture and stammer pitifully as you reply. Ask that he or she �not hurt you anymore.� 15. During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm. 16. Bring a huge jar of Vaseline to the meeting. Display it prominently. 17. Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming. 18. Every so often, duck under the table. Stare in horror. Pop back up and look real scared. 19. Rubberneck at the notes of the person next to you. Copy them word for word. Subvocalize as you do. Tell them that they �understand these things better than you do.� 20. Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points. 21. Take your temperature every so often with a candy thermometer. 22. Distribute free condoms before or after the meeting. 23. Make all the stereotyped facial expressions to indicate that you are a psychiatrist administering psychoanalysis to the speaker. Take notes furiously. 24. Bring a pitcher of non-alcoholic beer to the meeting. As the meeting progresses, start slurring your speech. Belch loudly. Tell your co-workers you can't help it. Start crying. 25. Have a timer that buzzes at intervals. When it goes off, take a pill from a pill case and gulp it down. If anyone asks, tell them it's to �prevent the seizures.� 26. Lapse into a staring coma. Drool. Have a confederate wipe the spit from your lips, and say �It's pitiful. But what can you do?� 27. At opportune times, stick an inhaler in your ear. Inhale deeply. 28. Ask your neighbor, nearer the speaker, to trade places with you �so you can hear better.� Gradually work your way up to the speaker. When you are as close as possible, stare up at them adoringly. After a while, change your expression to a frown, sigh heartbreakingly, and begin to stare into space. 29. Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it. 30. Wear shades and carry a walkie-talkie with an earphone. Once in a while, quietly say a few words into it. 31. Bring a doughnut cushion and use it. If anybody asks, say that your hemorrhoids are really acting up this week. Offer to share it if they really need it. Be embarrassingly persistent in your offer. Offer to show them how bad they are. 32. Wear brightly-colored earmuffs. Explain that �my ears tend to get real cold at these meetings.� Ask the speaker to please talk a little louder. 33. Stand up and start doing the Macarena. Forcibly wrestle yourself back into your chair. Look real embarrassed. Tell everybody �My doctor's appointment is tomorrow.� 34. Bring a large box of Depends to the meeting. Stow them under the conference table. Explain to a neighbor: �Just in case.� 35. Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!" 36. Bring a few telephone books. Add a few to sit on, adjusting your seat height until the top of your head is exactly one-half inch higher than the speaker's. Explain that you sometimes have trouble seeing the presentation. 37. Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room. 38. Play a game of jacks on the conference table. Explain that it helps you concentrate. 39. When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, �Well, here's the way I see it, J.B...� (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.) 40. Have a friend who does not work at your company accompany you to the meeting wearing bib overalls. Explain that it is National Take-a-Hick-to-work Week. Have him occasionally make an inappropriate comment or ask a stupid question. Tell him to keep quiet, and apologize to the group. If possible, have him bring his own spittoon, and chew tobacco and spit throughout the meeting.
along the same lines only not at the office. > > Fifteen Things to do at Wal-Mart while your > > > spouse/shopping partner is taking their sweet time: > > > > > > 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in > > > peoples carts when the aren't looking > > > 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off > > > at > > > 5-minute intervals > > > 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading > > > to the restrooms > > > 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an > > > official tone,'Code 3'in house wares......and see > > > what > > > happens > > > 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's > > > on lay away > > > 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted > > > area > > > 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell > > > other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring > > > pillows from the bedding department > > > 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to > > > cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me > > > alone?' > > > 9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a > > > mirror and pick your nose > > > 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, > > > ask > > > the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are > > > 11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly > > > humming the theme from Mission Impossible" > > > 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna > > > look" using different size funnels > > > 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse > > > through, say "PICK ME!""PICK ME!" > > > 14. When an announcement comes over the loud > > > speaker, > > > assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's > > > those voices again!!!" > > > And last but not least: > > > 15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a > > > while and then yell loudly "There is no toilet paper > > > in the bathroom!