Paul W. should like the second one. Do not eat natural foods. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Life is sexually transmitted. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All of us could take a lesson from the weather: it pays no attention to criticism. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How is it one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE NEW YEAR: You've read about all these terrorists --- most of them came here legally, but they hung around on expired visas, some for as long as 10 - 15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration!