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Culinary Cock-Ups

Helen Thomas
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Joined: Jan 13, 2004
Posts: 1759
Everyone has heard of some like putting lettuce under the grill to dry the lettuce.

Throwing spaghetti against the wall to see if it sticks (and therefore cooked) just make sure the underlings understand not to chuck the whole pan.

Toad in the hole doesn't require any toads, leaving the little plastic bag of giblets in the turkey, trifle with defrosted chopped livers instead of raspberries. Shepherd's pie with uncooked mince, jam that would pass all quality control for tarring roads, cakes that revert to a melted butter state or worse, a biscuit.

These are a few...

Today "I burnt the soup!".
[ July 11, 2004: Message edited by: Helen Thomas ]

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Helen Thomas
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Joined: Jan 13, 2004
Posts: 1759
I'll bet no one has ever cocked-up "beans on toast".
Richard Hawkes
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Joined: Jan 28, 2003
Posts: 1340
Originally posted by Helen Thomas:
I'll bet no one has ever cocked-up "beans on toast".

I put the beans on the bread then tried to toast the bread but the beans fell off into the toaster. It was a nightmare to clean, and I'd only just got it cleaned up from my attemps at poached egg and cheese on toast.
Jeroen Wenting
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Joined: Oct 12, 2000
Posts: 5093
Originally posted by Helen Thomas:
Everyone has heard of some like putting lettuce under the grill to dry the lettuce.

Throwing spaghetti against the wall to see if it sticks (and therefore cooked) just make sure the underlings understand not to chuck the whole pan.

Toad in the hole doesn't require any toads, leaving the little plastic bag of giblets in the turkey, trifle with defrosted chopped livers instead of raspberries. Shepherd's pie with uncooked mince, jam that would pass all quality control for tarring roads, cakes that revert to a melted butter state or worse, a biscuit.

These are a few...

Today "I burnt the soup!".

[ July 11, 2004: Message edited by: Helen Thomas ]


You just discredited all of British quisine


42
Helen Thomas
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Joined: Jan 13, 2004
Posts: 1759
The NHS decides it's OK to ask for a Spotted Dick rather than a PC Spotted Richard. And no, it's not a visibly diseased male organ.

The word "dick" has appeared in any number of strange places. Around the 1840s, "dick" was used to mean a type of hard cheese; when treacle sauce was added, it became "treacle dick", and finally when currants or raisins were added (looking like little spots), the "spotted dick" was born.

The earliest recipes for spotted dick are from 1847. For non-British readers, "spotted dick" is a boiled suet pudding, with bits of dried fruit (usually raisins or currants) that (as already noted) look like little spots.

The Oxford Companion to Food comments that, strictly speaking, "spotted dick" is made by taking a flat sheet, spreading sugar and raisins on it, then rolling it up. A similar dessert is "spotted dog," a plain cylinder of suet paste with the raisins and currants and sugar stuck into it, so that the spots are visible on the outside. Both spotted dick and spotted dog were traditionally boiled (or even steamed) in a cloth, but nowadays they are usually baked.

The dessert is slightly different in Ireland. In Ireland in the late 1800s, the tradition of yeast-bread manufacture was not strong, so most breads were raised with bicarbonate of soda and an acid, rather than with yeast, and thus called soda breads. Thus, the spotted dick in Ireland is sweet soda bread, with sugar, currants, and raisins, and it's also called the spotted dog or railway cake.

[ July 12, 2004: Message edited by: Helen Thomas ]
Angela Poynton
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Joined: Mar 02, 2000
Posts: 3143
My housemate's first attempt at Baking in our new flat was an attempt at making a Lemon Merangue.
The Merangue itself was great was the "lemon" bit went a bit wrong when she thought it would be OK to use Lemon Curd rather than the filling described in the recipe book.
So what we had was hot Lemon Curd Soup with Merangue on top, very funny!

I have never had a culinary disaster, I don't cook, it's the only way I'll maintain my impecible record!


Pounding at a thick stone wall won't move it, sometimes, you need to step back to see the way around.
fred rosenberger
lowercase baba
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Joined: Oct 02, 2003
Posts: 11308
    
  16

I was baking a sheet cake once, and forgot to put in the baking soda. when it had cooled, i was able to peel the whole thing out in one giant, rubberous piece. Fortunatly, i needed a new doormat anyway...


There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors
Ernest Friedman-Hill
author and iconoclast
Marshal

Joined: Jul 08, 2003
Posts: 24184
    
  34

For one summer when my daughter was 3, we had a nanny. She was a young woman and although she was a lovely person she was dreadful in the kitchen. She apparently was somewhat confused as to the difference between a teaspoon, a tablespoon, and a cup, and her knowledge of fractions was dicey at best. Near the end of her time with us, she and Danielle made peanut butter cookies. I'll never know precisely what she did to them, but they tasted as if they were roughly 95% salt by weight. No one could eat even a bite of one -- it simply had to be spit out. They were quite hard as well.


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Thomas Paul
mister krabs
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Joined: May 05, 2000
Posts: 13974
And who could forget Lucy Ricardo making bread with 13 cakes of yeast instead of 3!!!


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Helen Thomas
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Joined: Jan 13, 2004
Posts: 1759
Rice take on amoeba-like qualities when added to boiling water. I'm pretty certain each grain spilts into at least 10 larger grains. Once cooked paella and all the seafood disappeared into a sea of yellow rice.

Choux pastry is pronounced Shoe because it often resembles leather.

I cooked for a team event and after the sods went off to the pub I got a bit heavy-handed with the cracked black pepper and pimento. At the table you could hear the nights' quota of bear cans going "pop" "pop" in the one hour. I made sure they ate it all up.
I had also driven the team drunkard to the event as he was banned from driving ever again AND I needed directions. Not having much experience driving in country lanes ( most of my driving experience then was in cities and motorways and my car was suited to fast driving i.e. if you eased the pressure off the accelerator for too long it sulked and stopped) when we arrived I left him completely dazed and shell-shocked in the car. I believe he never touched alcohol again. :roll:
[ July 12, 2004: Message edited by: Helen Thomas ]
Gail Mikels
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Joined: May 07, 2001
Posts: 634
When I was young, we tent-camped a lot. My mom would put various food/kitchen items into small spice jars. One trip, she put olive oil for the salad & dish soap into similar containers. Went to toss the salad & it developed quite a lather!


Gail Mikels
 
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