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Making friends after 25

Mapraputa Is
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Joined: Aug 26, 2000
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I found that it's virtually impossible to become a close friend to anybody if you are older than 25. I met people I liked a lot, yet we departed quickly and easily. Either we have other, more important loyalties when we become older, or there are some other reasons... But I observe the same tendency in lots of people around me.


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soumya ravindranath
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Joined: Jan 26, 2001
Posts: 300
My pet subject

I have been advocating this for a long time now. It seems true to me too. Well, it's more like 'cannot make friends once you leave college'. The 'remember-that', 'remember-when' ... play a big role too.

I have observed that people get closer after they grow older for different reasons, mothers - for the sake of kid company for their young ones, working folks - forced by work/office ...

I find this such a pity, i have to make international calls or rely on chat if i want to 'talk to a friend' because every friend of mine lives at least 3000 kms away from me
[ August 22, 2004: Message edited by: soumya ravindranath ]
Deepak Mahbubani
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Joined: May 12, 2001
Posts: 68
Well, I feel, sometimes you just don't end up getting close to anyone after a certain age because you choose to remain with your old friends. Its all a matter of making choices.
Also, after a certain age we form fixed notions about certain issues and find it difficult to change our opinion or consider other persons opinion, hence we feel we can't get close to anyone.

There have been instances where I've met old school friends after a long time and I just didn't get along with them primarily because we have grown apart.
R K Singh
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Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
The only reason I can see is because we dont have much personal time to give others....

And hence lesser and lesser friends as we grow old .. .. but still somehow we find one or another to keep living


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R K Singh
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I think marriage also plays a major role as most of the people get married around this age....
fred rosenberger
lowercase baba
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Joined: Oct 02, 2003
Posts: 11302
    
  16

Most of my current friends i met after i turned 30 (i'm currently 36). I met my wife when i was 31 (she was 35). Of all my friends i met prior to age 25, i only ever see 2 anymore, and only one of those regularly.


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Maulin Vasavada
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Joined: Nov 04, 2001
Posts: 1871
well here is what i think...

when one is younger than 25 and in schools and all go thru many phases of emotions, fights, screams etc and ppl around u remain with u at those times and that makes a bond (may b i want to say "less maturity" makes bonds tighter)...

after 25, as many have described some get married, some get too much into other stuff and we seem to become more strict about choosing friends. we realize that there is this big life thing which have to handle and can't afford trying getting closer or sth...basically "less emotional" stuff happens with others after 25 (or atleast it seems so as we deal with them quite differently than we would have in younger age).. AND to me - emotional breakdowns and support at those times plays "huge" role in making closer friends..

i feel that after 25 we control our talks more and become less innocent/frank and we have this "shield" that makes it difficult for others to know "who we are really"...

okay. i wouldn't pore more characters into the network stream where viruses are sneaking in presence of MS SP2

-maulin
John Dunn
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Joined: Jan 30, 2003
Posts: 1108
met my wife when we were both 37. My very best good-time buddies were all met AFTER 25. Almost all after 33. I do have one buddy that I know well from high school that I still keep in touch with and see. So I guess Map's theory simple doesn't apply to my situation.

In NYC there are tons of things to do and plenty of people to do them with. There is no excuse for no new friends here. (IMHO, anyway). I bet that there are new friends in most places for those open, willing, and available to meet them. I love meeting new buddies and branching out into new worlds. Sometimes meeting and keeping new friends is a matter of getting new hobbies and inviting other people to join in. Perhaps its a matter of generosity.

I have two crew of good-time buddies, one international - one American. Both are made up of beer drinking good time kindred spirits. Both groups are dynamic and continue to grow. Lucky for me both groups know each other and have become friendly. I bet I'll still be out in years to come, (probably for A beer only) with these same buddies. Since I've got the kid(s) now I'm dropping out of the beer drinking but I've gotten into sports again and I'm slowly enticing my mates to join me next year. (see the above paragraph please Just b/c I'm changing doesn't mean I have to drop all my buddies.


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R K Singh
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Originally posted by fred rosenberger:
Most of my current friends i met after i turned 30 (i'm currently 36). I met my wife when i was 31 (she was 35). Of all my friends i met prior to age 25, i only ever see 2 anymore, and only one of those regularly.


It will be really interesting to know your first 30 yrs.

Like in my case, I was with one group of friend for first 19 yrs, then I moved to another place, there I was with another group of friends for 5 yrs and after that I moved to another place, and was with another group of friends for 2 years.
Obviuosly all these years either I was studying or looking for job.

So that was the phase of my life when I made friends and after that first of all no one could ever come so close to be friend and if even someone came, time span was not enough to make him/her friend.

So basically after 25, or you say once I entered in corporate world, I could not make friend.

I think it will be useless to tell a difference between friend and other people with whom you socialize.
Ellen Zhao
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Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: 581
What's your definition of "close friends" Map?
Matt Fielder
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Joined: Oct 27, 2004
Posts: 158
Here's another thought.
Whether its a close friend or just someone casual, what do you do? Why does it seem that "events" with friends seem to always involve dinner or a bar? What do old people do with friends? Yes, I put myself in the old category. With a new ex-wife, I'm curious what my future holds because this'll be one of my big issues.
Kishore Dandu
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Joined: Jul 10, 2001
Posts: 1934
Here is my take.

As we age, we get more family responsibilities(like having kids, taking care of kids as a example). We will get less time for personal stuff, like watching movie with wife, playing sports you really like etc.

Because of less time for personal happenings, if there is time availalble we will start doing personal aspects compared to socializing to make new friends.


Kishore
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Mapraputa Is
Leverager of our synergies
Sheriff

Joined: Aug 26, 2000
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Ellen: What's your definition of "close friends" Map?

The one you wouldn't abandon if they become bastards
soumya ravindranath
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My best friend tells me often "the most amazing thing is that inspite of knowng me so... well, you still like me!"
Gerald Davis
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Posts: 872
Originally posted by Kishore Dandu:
Here is my take.

As we age, we get more family responsibilities(like having kids, taking care of kids as a example). We will get less time for personal stuff, like watching movie with wife, playing sports you really like etc.

Because of less time for personal happenings, if there is time availalble we will start doing personal aspects compared to socializing to make new friends.


I danna have more resposibilities, if anything I have less. I don't have any school homework to do after school. Going out seems to be more of a expensive chore then anything that could be falsely interpreted as fun. I would probably be better of finding an weekend job where I can find new freinds, appose to just going out.
 
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