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What does this girl mean ?

Oliver Hamukodo
Greenhorn

Joined: Oct 17, 2004
Posts: 5
Last month I met a japanese girl who is little bit conservative. When I told her I want to kiss her, she said "You almost scare me." Does this mean she agrees or disagrees ?
Michael Ernest
High Plains Drifter
Sheriff

Joined: Oct 25, 2000
Posts: 7292

It means you should have kissed her right then and there. She was trying to tell you it's a buzzkill to ask her permission.

Geez. Do I have to explain everything to you people?


Make visible what, without you, might perhaps never have been seen.
- Robert Bresson
Ernest Friedman-Hill
author and iconoclast
Marshal

Joined: Jul 08, 2003
Posts: 24184
    
  34

Originally posted by Oliver Hamukodo:
When I told her I want to kiss her, she said "You almost scare me."


Did you have your hat pulled down over your third eye?


[Jess in Action][AskingGoodQuestions]
Arjun Shastry
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 13, 2003
Posts: 1874
{
Does this mean she agrees or disagrees ?
}
It means she hates the garlic odour of your mouth. .Do a mouthwash and then see her reaction.


MH
Warren Dew
blacksmith
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Joined: Mar 04, 2004
Posts: 1332
    
    2
Michael Ernest:

It means you should have kissed her right then and there. She was trying to tell you it's a buzzkill to ask her permission.

Or at least, that's what it would mean if it were an American girl....
Joyce Lee
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 11, 2003
Posts: 1392
Originally posted by Jesse Torres:

After this, you can determine on your own whether she agrees or disagrees.

Good luck!


LOL

Oliver, I think it's better to wait till she gives a definite "yes" before you make the move. Why? As you mentioned, she's conservative. Also, she said "You almost scare me."
Michael Ernest
High Plains Drifter
Sheriff

Joined: Oct 25, 2000
Posts: 7292

Originally posted by Warren Dew:
Michael Ernest:

It means you should have kissed her right then and there. She was trying to tell you it's a buzzkill to ask her permission.

Or at least, that's what it would mean if it were an American girl....


You'd have to be crazy to mess with one of those. Sign of the cross and garlic necklace already.
John Dunn
slicker
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Joined: Jan 30, 2003
Posts: 1108
Try this next time: what for the right moment - and its got to be right - but if you notice some good vibes, you're sober, and nobody's listening, then tell her you want to [censored - use your imagination - Jim]. ---> straight up, man - forget about ~kissing~, it'll be a mute point. Don't be shy about it and you'll be very surprised at the outcome. Utter boldness, coupled with a shrwed delivery can be very enticing. Market it this way: you're someone's fantasy waiting to happen. No guts, no glory.
[ October 31, 2004: Message edited by: Jim Yingst ]

"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does."
Amanda Leigh
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Joined: Sep 15, 2004
Posts: 40
Originally posted by John Dunn:
Try this next time: what for the right moment - and its got to be right - but if you notice some good vibes, you're sober, and nobody's listening, then tell her you want to [censored - use your imagination - Jim]. ---> straight up, man - forget about ~kissing~, it'll be a mute point. Don't be shy about it and you'll be very surprised at the outcome. Utter boldness, coupled with a shrwed delivery can be very enticing. Market it this way: you're someone's fantasy waiting to happen. No guts, no glory.


I can't believe there is really a man that thinks this. Yeah its hot if you have been seeing the guy for awhile, but if you havent even kissed and you say something like this.. dont expect to. Unless you are trying to get a complete slut, you should expect to be slapped.
Sania Marsh
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Joined: Jul 12, 2004
Posts: 469
Originally posted by Oliver Hamukodo:
Last month I met a japanese girl who is little bit conservative. When I told her I want to kiss her, she said "You almost scare me." Does this mean she agrees or disagrees ?


Does she speak english well?
And why didn't you ask her what she means?
Sania Marsh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 12, 2004
Posts: 469
Originally posted by John Dunn:
Try this next time: what for the right moment - and its got to be right - but if you notice some good vibes, you're sober, and nobody's listening, then tell her you want to [censored - use your imagination - Jim]. ---> straight up, man - forget about ~kissing~, it'll be a mute point. Don't be shy about it and you'll be very surprised at the outcome. Utter boldness, coupled with a shrwed delivery can be very enticing. Market it this way: you're someone's fantasy waiting to happen. No guts, no glory.


Are you in sales?

BTW haven't met a girl who would dream of a guy like that
Helen Thomas
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Joined: Jan 13, 2004
Posts: 1759
There's going to be lots of times in the next few weeks when some super-dynamite girl saunters by. And you're going to think to yourself, 'Now there's someone I'd exchange both of my big toes for. I'm going to pick her up.'

But then a very strange thing happens. Just as you're getting all ready to approach her, you don't feel like it anymore. You tell yourself, 'Now isn't really the time. I need more experience. More practice. Tomorrow I'll pick someone up. I'm just not in the right mood today.'

If and when you find yourself telling yourself lies like these I urgently urge you to demand of yourself to cut the crap. When it comes to picking up girls there's no time like the present. Do not delay or you'll find yourself delaying all your life.

Do not procrastinate or you'll see one girl after another waltz right out of your life. Picking up women is not that hard or complicated. With a little spontaneity and courage you'll surprise the hell out of yourself.

Next time you find yourself making excuses not to take action, get angry. Tell yourself this can't go on. Tell yourself, I've got to take action.

And do it. Take action. Right then and there. Say anything. Tell the girl she's got a look in her eyes that makes you weak in the knees. Tell her you love the coat she's wearing. Tell her anything. But make contact. Because once you do, nine-tenths of the battle is done.

Figure it this way. If you try and muff, you'll feel better than if you never tried at all. You'll feel braver. You'll feel at least you gave it your best.

But, then, I'll bet you're not going to do much muffing. After all, you've just read thousands of words about how damn easy it all is. You've just read that almost any kind of approach can work ~ that is, as long as you make an approach. Put what you've just learned to work. It is good, sound, effective advice.

Source: Eric Weber's World-Famous How to Pick Up Girls!
~ pp. 151-52 ~


Le Cafe Mouse - Helen's musings on the web - Java Skills and Thrills
"God who creates and is nature is very difficult to understand, but he is not arbitrary or malicious." OR "God does not play dice." - Einstein
Helen Thomas
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 13, 2004
Posts: 1759
Were you annoyed that she left you doubting what she meant?
John Dunn
slicker
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Joined: Jan 30, 2003
Posts: 1108
Originally posted by Amanda Leigh:

I can't believe there is really a man that thinks this. Yeah its hot if you have been seeing the guy for awhile, but if you havent even kissed and you say something like this.. dont expect to. Unless you are trying to get a complete slut, you should expect to be slapped.


Hmmm... Are women who get picked up are complete sluts? Are the genders equal still? I've been off the dating scene for a few years, but we were when I was out there. (No new double standards, please!!)

[cheesy porno speak deleted: I'm all for sex talk on MD, but let's do better job at it, ok? -MH]
[ November 01, 2004: Message edited by: Max Habibi ]
John Dunn
slicker
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Joined: Jan 30, 2003
Posts: 1108
Originally posted by Rita Moore:


Are you in sales?

BTW haven't met a girl who would dream of a guy like that


Nope, not in sales.

You'd be surprised...

It's not the kind of thing you can say all the time, but it's nice to have in your back-pocket when the opportunity presents itself. We communicate in many many ways, right? Our vibes, our tone of voice, our facial expressions, our body gestures. A simple group of words can have so many different meanings when strung together with the rest of our communicative means. How could you know what any other woman would think, if you're not there with her at that moment? If you're not - uhhh... ~her~?

btw, I bet sometimes when your friends say they're going home they're really just leaving to discretely meet the guy they were talking to earlier...
[ October 31, 2004: Message edited by: John Dunn ]
Helen Thomas
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 13, 2004
Posts: 1759
Eric Weber's World-Famous How to Pick Up Girls

Not sure how well this book's advice applies to foreign girls. You'd have to find the equivalent book for Japanese girls.

How to Pick Up Japanese Girls
How to Get A Japanese Girlfriend

Hey one of the bartenders has a Japanese wife!
And hasn't Jason Menard lived in Japan?
Amanda Leigh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Sep 15, 2004
Posts: 40
Hmmm... Are women who get picked up are complete sluts? Are the genders equal still? I've been off the dating scene for a few years, but we were when I was out there. (No new double standards, please!!)


I may not be a good person to ask the first question to. I guess if by "picked up" you mean "slept with on the first night", I wouldn't exactly consider the women to be of good character.

I dont think the double standard is new. Men are encouraged to be sluts, woman are encouraged to be virgins. Would you rather be with a woman who has had 0-5 sex partners or one who has had 20-25?

Perhaps views change with age and experience. I have never been single long enough to have urges strong enough to desire a one night stand. I dont think that lines like that would entice me to change my mind. I would have to imagine that if that line would work on a woman, she has had many one nighters before.
John Dunn
slicker
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Joined: Jan 30, 2003
Posts: 1108
[cheesy porno speak deleted: I'm all for sex talk on MD, but let's do better job at it, ok? -MH]
This lacks integrity, Max. I'm surprised at you, it was very misleading. There was nothing 'porno' or 'cheesy' about that at all. Porno is pretty harsh, dude. It would imply I was really disrespecting Amanda, right?? [rolling my eyes, big-time] You got a mean-streak.
Max Habibi
town drunk
( and author)
Sheriff

Joined: Jun 27, 2002
Posts: 4118
No Holes Barred was a bit much: Do better.
[ November 02, 2004: Message edited by: Max Habibi ]

Java Regular Expressions
Angela Poynton
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 02, 2000
Posts: 3143
The two most romantic moments of my life.

1. On first date with a guy, we had a lovely evening and while walking home he asked if he could kiss me. Of course I said yes.
2. When my current boyfriend kissed me for the first time comepletely out of the blue with no warning whatsoever.

Personally I don't think being asked reduced the buzz kill, I thought it was lovely. But not being asked certainly had a certain thrill about it.


Pounding at a thick stone wall won't move it, sometimes, you need to step back to see the way around.
Amanda Leigh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Sep 15, 2004
Posts: 40
There was nothing 'porno' or 'cheesy' about that at all. Porno is pretty harsh, dude. It would imply I was really disrespecting Amanda, right??


You certainly weren't disrespecting me. I wasn't a part of the conversation until after the line was added. I was just being my normal opinionated self. Sorry if my opinion has offended anyone. I was simply stating that the line could get Oliver in trouble with his conservative friend.

For the record, I am not anti-porno.
Joyce Lee
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 11, 2003
Posts: 1392
Originally posted by Angela Poynton:
The two most romantic moments of my life.

1. On first date with a guy, we had a lovely evening and while walking home he asked if he could kiss me. Of course I said yes.
2. When my current boyfriend kissed me for the first time comepletely out of the blue with no warning whatsoever.


Wow, that's romantic.
Angela Poynton
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Joined: Mar 02, 2000
Posts: 3143
Originally posted by John Dunn:
Try this next time: what for the right moment - and its got to be right - but if you notice some good vibes, you're sober, and nobody's listening, then tell her you want to [censored - use your imagination - Jim]. ---> straight up, man - forget about ~kissing~, it'll be a mute point. Don't be shy about it and you'll be very surprised at the outcome. Utter boldness, coupled with a shrwed delivery can be very enticing. Market it this way: you're someone's fantasy waiting to happen. No guts, no glory.


I can quite honestly tell you exactly what my response would be if I was ever presented with this approach... and it wouldn't be a kiss ... well a Glasgow kiss maybe! It's a perfect way to objectify a woman and make her feel cheap, maybe some women go for that I'm not sure!
If you're looking for something more than a one night stand then you need to make a woman feel special and most of all important to you. Listen to her, look her in the eye, show that you are interested in who she is and what she has to say. If after this you choose to ask to kiss her or just take her by surprise, you're far less likely to meet with a Glasgow kiss!!
John Dunn
slicker
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Joined: Jan 30, 2003
Posts: 1108
Originally posted by Angela Poynton:


I can quite honestly tell you exactly what my response would be if I was ever presented with this approach... and it wouldn't be a kiss ... well a Glasgow kiss maybe! It's a perfect way to objectify a woman and make her feel cheap, maybe some women go for that I'm not sure!
If you're looking for something more than a one night stand then you need to make a woman feel special and most of all important to you. Listen to her, look her in the eye, show that you are interested in who she is and what she has to say. If after this you choose to ask to kiss her or just take her by surprise, you're far less likely to meet with a Glasgow kiss!!


I think the original intent of this thread was to give ol' Ollie a swift boot in the a** and get him over his I-need-permission-to-kiss-a-girl woes.

I believe I was only advocating that if you're gonna ask, well... damn man, keep your options open and if the everything is perfect go for the gusto. No guts, no glory.

With all due respect to my respondents: if you won't EVER consider having a having sex, (And Ollie never did say this was was a complete stranger he met 5 minutes ago), then it doesn't mean the next woman won't consider it, and it doesn't mean it wouldn't be legit if she did. Right? We are individuals intitled to our own choices, yeah?

Now, somehow people have forgotten that there is some gray area to life - gray area between the slut pole and the virgin pole. [Hold on while I really roll my eyes]
Okay, I'm done...

Why is the question of slut even entering the equation here? If you REALLY respect women's rights and see them as your equal, it is just wrong - in my book - to think they can't operate with the same laws you allow yourself. The ugly twin-brother of utterly gentlemanly behaviour is chavenuism. Yikes.

I shouldn't be judging women who have abortions, (right ladies?), yet its okay to judge women who have SEX??? Jees, that just doesn't make any sense to me. In my opinion, Adult Women CAN and DO have sex and still are able to maintain their maturity, decency, and self-respect. ...but call me crazy.

===============================

BTW, let me prove some of your initial reactions of my comments wrong:

My views come from very thoughtful and meaningful exchanges with a [drum roll...............] older married FEMALE psychiatrist. So let's safely assume, she's no virgin, she's no dummy, and she knows about sex. I initially went to her b/c I wanted to just talk about having had epilepsy for 21 of my first 26 yrs. I had just had this experimental brain surgery, it nearly killed me, but all of a sudden out of the blue I'm miraclously cured and feeling really healthy. I went awhile and talked about the experience and when I was originally going to say good-bye I decided to have her listen to me as I started dating women for the first time in my life as a "Normal" human being, (at 27-28 yrs old!!!). Stop for a moment and really digest that or you'll never, ever understand me.

I know I had a bad self-image that did fit the body any more and thought maybe I had a few lingering doubts or hang-ups that I wanted to efficiently get rid of, but I just could not imagine where she would take me. I thought I was just going to talk about a couple of dates, but she forced me discuss my sex-life the way I would with a buddy. It was very, very difficult. I had a lot of conservative walls, that she managed to destroy. She got me to look at woman from a completely different angle. (So no, Max, I wasn't be disrespectful. Not in the least.) Funny thing was, that after being more comfortable with her, the women I would try to pick up were a piece of cake. All I had to do was be honest, genuine, and meaningful; and things just became so simple. I got away with alot b/c its was f***ing REAL.

Sometimes the fears/insecurities men have are similar to the ones woman have, so in conquering your own, you can help/persuade/entice someone else to conquer theirs. And isn't that pretty cool?

Imagine walking into a bar, and feeling like: "I'm am so damn lucky to be alive & healthy and I've really EARNED it. Before my luck changes, I'm going to really enjoy life. Enjoy my freedom and bask in the appreciation I have standing among peers and knowing I am no longer an unlucky 'freak'. I would try to share my happiness with a woman, (if I found one that interested me), without discussing any of the above. Now looking back, doesn't that make me a real cad??

Now what's wrong with being sexual once in awhile? Don't we deserve that in life? Claiming your erotic side and enjoying it, honoring it, and nurturing it?? Maybe men/woman who cheat waited too long to try it out and find themselves stuck in a marriage with someone that doesn't understand them. Doesn't it make sense to try to get to know that side of yourself b/f you get married?

I felt like a freak trapped in a seemingly normal looking body and always wondered what it would have been like to be normal. And out of nowhere, that day miraclously came and I did want to squander it. I felt compelled to share that happiness.
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Now back to Ollie... Hey man, if you're asking for a kiss, then IMHO, you're just not in the right frame of mind. Try to burn a hole through a woman's chest and touch her soul with your heartfelt, genuine, caring emotions and you won't be asking for anything. If you can't, try another woman. Come back and tell us how you sealed the deal.
Oliver Hamukodo
Greenhorn

Joined: Oct 17, 2004
Posts: 5
thanks folks. I don't want to surprise you but I have to. I met that lady(I thought she is a very young , but it turns out she is young but not that young -- some asian people look under their actual age) and we talked about some common topics, I realized that she somehow avoided talking about her family, she has no ring on her fingers. But recently I just found out that she is married (from reliable resource)! My friends tell me that many married asians don't put ring on their fingers 'cuz they don't have that custom in their countries.

Now, the situation becomes more strange -- why didn't she reject me when I asked for a kiss ? why didn't she tell me about it ? what did she really mean ??
Richard Hawkes
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Joined: Jan 28, 2003
Posts: 1340
A five year relationship and engagement was one result of what could easily have turned out to be a one night stand. First date sex doesn't equate to slut, whore, or having a bad character.
Sonny Gill
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Joined: Feb 02, 2002
Posts: 1211

He probabely assumed that she's single cuz she went out with him ...
Joe King
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Joined: Sep 02, 2003
Posts: 820
Why is it always the man who is expected to ask the woman? It seems a little unfair to me

When I first met my girlfriend I really liked her, but didn't have the courage to do anything about it. Luckily she did, and five years later on things are great and I'm very happy she did... but what if she hadn't? What if she'd thought "its the mans job to make the first move, so I won't"? I suppose I would have got exactly what I deserved for lacking in courage - nothing Basically, guys and gals, go for it!
Sania Marsh
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Joined: Jul 12, 2004
Posts: 469
Originally posted by Oliver Hamukodo:

Now, the situation becomes more strange -- why didn't she reject me when I asked for a kiss ? why didn't she tell me about it ? what did she really mean ??



One of two reasons,
Women like when men find them attractive. no matter married or not. She just wanted to play, see what will you do next.
or
She never wanted you to find out.


Funny, not everyone really looks at the finger. I had many people asking me if I'm married while I had ring on my finger. When I would point that I had ring, most of them say that ring doesn't prove that you are married.
Sania Marsh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 12, 2004
Posts: 469
Originally posted by Joe King:
Why is it always the man who is expected to ask the woman? It seems a little unfair to me


You are right, there are very shy guys. But what if both are shy and afraid to make the first move? Since it is expected that man makes first move, it is also considered OK if woman rejects. Much worse when other way around.
So if you like a girl, the worst thing you get is - sorry, no. Trust me she will still like that you asked, unless she strongly believes that you are making fun of her or trying to take advantage of her. Plus there are so many ways to see if she likes you or not, body language and stuff, if you see the clear signs, there is nothing to worry about.
Hussein Baghdadi
clojure forum advocate
Bartender

Joined: Nov 08, 2003
Posts: 3479


But what if both are shy and afraid to make the first move?

we get a deadlock situation (we are Java guys after all)

Since it is expected that man makes first move, it is also considered OK woman rejects.

why ?? it is unfair.

So if you like a girl, the worst thing you get is - sorry, no

this is why I did't make the first move at all.
I don't know what to do if she sayed no.
I will not find the courage to look at here eyes again.
as you see, I don't have the courage !!

Plus there are so many ways to see if she likes you or not, body language and stuff.

like what ?? any guides or success stories ?
John Dunn
slicker
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 30, 2003
Posts: 1108
Respect the fact that someone may not ~want~ to talk to you, maybe even anyone else, for that matter. Respect that even if someone wants to talk they may not be interested in you, per se. Respect that even if someone wants to talk, even to you, that they still don't want much more out you but a bit of conversation. Period. REALLY respect that, it is a person's prerogative. (In what was once my case, a woman's pregogative...)

So, given my mentality, my only ~line~ was "Howya dewin'?, [today, tonight]" I found that if you say that with genuine interest and respect, then you really don't have to worry about someone ever being mean or rude; AND you probably will be able to figure out if they want to talk some more. Given the above, that is all I initially worried about. If you are of interest to the party in question, you might get a good conversation too; AND if it feels right -- well you might have something to really work with...

Go with the flow.
Hussein Baghdadi
clojure forum advocate
Bartender

Joined: Nov 08, 2003
Posts: 3479


Respect the fact that someone may not ~want~ to talk to you

I don't remember that I have said "I become mad when someone said No to me"
I just want to say it is hard to hear No from the girl you like...
Sania Marsh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 12, 2004
Posts: 469
Originally posted by John Todd:

this is why I did't make the first move at all.
I don't know what to do if she sayed no.
I will not find the courage to look at here eyes again.
as you see, I don't have the courage !!



You know how they say - you will not know until you try.
I said no to many guys, but none of them became my enemy. If she is a nice person, she will know that she hurt you and will try to work something out. Wouldn't you do that if you were in her position?
Another thing, I haven't even noticed some guys, until they would say something -- that's when I would start paying more attention and see a person in them, so by hiding feelings, you risk to stay in the shadow forever.
Sania Marsh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 12, 2004
Posts: 469
Originally posted by John Todd:

like what ?? any guides or success stories ?


Like eyes, long deep look always mean something. That look when it seems she is looking through you even though her eyes are looking directly in yours. A calm happy smile she has when she is talking to you.
Or simply she didn't say no to your suggestion to have a cup of tea together third time in a row.
Donald R. Cossitt
buckaroo
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Joined: Jan 31, 2003
Posts: 401

I can't believe there is really a man that thinks this. Yeah its hot if you have been seeing the guy for awhile, but if you havent even kissed and you say something like this.. dont expect to. Unless you are trying to get a complete slut, you should expect to be slapped.


Back in the late 60's early 70's (when I was a yung'n) I had a cousin who would just come out and asked the girl (Japanese or otherwise) for sex - his rejection rate (slaps) was 2:9 (favorable:unfavorable - he kept records). Beat my niceguy routine


doco
Richard Hawkes
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Joined: Jan 28, 2003
Posts: 1340
Originally posted by Rita Moore:
Like eyes, long deep look always mean something. That look when it seems she is looking through you even though her eyes are looking directly in yours. A calm happy smile she has when she is talking to you.

Some caution though. Last time I thought all the signs were there, it turned out she'd left her specs at home and had just taken a valium.
R K Singh
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Joined: Oct 15, 2001
Posts: 5371
Originally posted by Richard Hawkes:
Some caution though. Last time I thought all the signs were there, it turned out she'd left her specs at home and had just taken a valium.




"Thanks to Indian media who has over the period of time swiped out intellectual taste from mass Indian population." - Chetan Parekh
Arjun Shastry
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Joined: Mar 13, 2003
Posts: 1874
Women here can not give that long deep look.Its rare unless both know each other for a long time or she is into 'that' profession.If man gives long deep look,then he will reciev 2/3 slaps.
Any other guideline?
Warren Dew
blacksmith
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Joined: Mar 04, 2004
Posts: 1332
    
    2
Oliver Hamukodo:

Now, the situation becomes more strange -- why didn't she reject me when I asked for a kiss ? why didn't she tell me about it ? what did she really mean ??

I think she meant "no", but didn't want to hurt your feelings.

Rita Moore:

But what if both are shy and afraid to make the first move?

That's what chaperones are for. They can wander off and "be back in five minutes", to inject some urgency into the situation.
 
I agree. Here's the link: http://aspose.com/file-tools
 
subject: What does this girl mean ?