aspose file tools*
The moose likes Meaningless Drivel and the fly likes Proper etiquette Big Moose Saloon
  Search | Java FAQ | Recent Topics | Flagged Topics | Hot Topics | Zero Replies
Register / Login
JavaRanch » Java Forums » Other » Meaningless Drivel
Bookmark "Proper etiquette" Watch "Proper etiquette" New topic
Author

Proper etiquette

Jesse Torres
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 25, 2004
Posts: 985
Proper etiquette

A friend of mine called me arrogant yesterday. He said that I try to outsmart people all the time by commencing sentences with the following:
1) Did you know that XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
2) Did you hear that XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.

Or by giving a response such as:
1)Really.
2)You don�t say.

In all sincerity, I am not trying to outsmart anyone. I just like to share information. For example, I read over the weekend that the actress Shelly Long attempted suicide. So I decided to share with my friend(s). I said, �Did you hear about Shelly Long? I just read online that she attempted to commit suicide.� My friend promptly responded. �You should work for Entertainment tonight, or a comparable show. It seems that you always know what�s going on. You always have all of your T�s crossed and all of your I�s dotted.� I simply responded by saying sorry. He then said �you are arrogant, you always attempt to demean others by outsmarting them. You always say, did you know that or did you hear that. I find that offensive. You always volunteer more information that is needed.�

Based on my friend�s observation, am I indeed arrogant? If so, what can I do to change? Should I remain quiet from now on?

Thanks
[ November 29, 2004: Message edited by: Jesse Torres ]

-- <br />4 8 15 16 23 42
Max Habibi
town drunk
( and author)
Sheriff

Joined: Jun 27, 2002
Posts: 4118
Based on the story as described, no: it sounds like you're high energy, which beats the stuffing out of low energy.

But whenever your friends are talking, you should probably pay extra attention. Not necessarily change, but pay attention. Chances are, you either need to make an adjustment, or you need new friends.

M


Java Regular Expressions
Amanda Leigh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Sep 15, 2004
Posts: 40
"The world wants geniuses but it wants them to behave just like other people." George Moore

It might not be difficult to drop the "Did you know", or change the Have you heard to "I heard somewhere that..."

"Great minds discuss ideas, mediocre minds discuss events, small minds discuss personalities." Anon
Matt Fielder
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 27, 2004
Posts: 158
he just feels stupid that he doesn't have a clue nor anything to say in return.
Jesse Torres
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 25, 2004
Posts: 985
Originally posted by Max Habibi:
Based on the story as described, no: it sounds like you're high energy, which beats the stuffing out of low energy.

But whenever your friends are talking, you should probably pay extra attention. Not necessarily change, but pay attention. Chances are, you either need to make an adjustment, or you need new friends.

M


I actually do listen to people. If someone tells me a story, about anything, I actually listen word for word. I don't change the topic. I even stay quiet until I am asked for my opinion. For example, this same friend asked for my opinion on the new Honda Pilot SUV. I told him that in general Honda is extremely dependable and commands high resale values. However, I also added every piece of information that I read on edmunds. I told him that the Pilot being tested by Edmunds, died out during the review. I also told him about the numerous blogs in which people posts comments, both negative and positive, about Honda. My friend then said, �I didn't ask you all of those questions Mr. Know it all. Instead, I asked for your opinion on the new Pilot.� He asked for my opinion and I gave it to him. I didn't say, �oh you don't know.� Instead, I said �I read on Edmunds such and such about the new Pilot.� I even gave him the link.

I am in deep need of advice.

Thank you all for you help, it means a whole lot to me.

Thanks,
Jesse Torres
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 25, 2004
Posts: 985
Originally posted by Matt Fielder:
he just feels stupid that he doesn't have a clue nor anything to say in return.


Maybe he thinks that I am deliberately trying to mamke him feel inferior. I would never do such a thing to anyone. Honest
Jesse Torres
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 25, 2004
Posts: 985
Originally posted by Amanda Leigh:
"The world wants geniuses but it wants them to behave just like other people." George Moore

It might not be difficult to drop the "Did you know", or change the Have you heard to "I heard somewhere that..."

"Great minds discuss ideas, mediocre minds discuss events, small minds discuss personalities." Anon


Do you believe that I should drop such lines? Should I continue to share information?

Thanks,
Jeffrey Hunter
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 16, 2004
Posts: 305
Watch out for the guy that always has something to say.

I've found myself talking about the peculiarities of the JDBC CachedRowSet and he'll add his summation and opinion in such definitive terms as, Well, it must behave that way because.....

I've found myself talking about scrambled eggs and how I sometimes use milk, and sometimes water, and of course, the response is, Water is much better since.....

I've found myself talking about my life, my insomnia and my incessant desire to align every damn pixel on all the graphics I create, and you guessed it, Well, let me tell you how to fix this calamity you call your life.....

So, he's the quintessential know-it-all, an answer for everything and even if he does know-it-all -- @#!@ off, maybe I want to make inferior scrambled eggs or enjoy my own psychotic anomalies free of third-party advice on how to do it the right way, or how to do it better.

My point -- don't be this guy. I find myself quickly losing interest in talking to him, and unfortunately, though he may have some stimulating ideas and interesting knowledge to share, I'd much rather sit on the Lazy Boy with a cocktail in my hand and C-SPAN on the tv.

Of course, you don't sound like this guy. This was more a diatribe stimulated by some memories I have of particular people I've come across in the past. I stress past, because I avoid the K.I.A. personalities at all costs nowadays.
Jesse Torres
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 25, 2004
Posts: 985
Originally posted by Jeffrey Hunter:
Watch out for the guy that always has something to say.

I've found myself talking about the peculiarities of the JDBC CachedRowSet and he'll add his summation and opinion in such definitive terms as, Well, it must behave that way because.....

I've found myself talking about scrambled eggs and how I sometimes use milk, and sometimes water, and of course, the response is, Water is much better since.....

I've found myself talking about my life, my insomnia and my incessant desire to align every damn pixel on all the graphics I create, and you guessed it, Well, let me tell you how to fix this calamity you call your life.....

So, he's the quintessential know-it-all, an answer for everything and even if he does know-it-all -- @#!@ off, maybe I want to make inferior scrambled eggs or enjoy my own psychotic anomalies free of third-party advice on how to do it the right way, or how to do it better.

My point -- don't be this guy. I find myself quickly losing interest in talking to him, and unfortunately, though he may have some stimulating ideas and interesting knowledge to share, I'd much rather sit on the Lazy Boy with a cocktail in my hand and C-SPAN on the tv.

Of course, you don't sound like this guy. This was more a diatribe stimulated by some memories I have of particular people I've come across in the past. I stress past, because I avoid the K.I.A. personalities at all costs nowadays.


Thanks for your advice. Nope, I am not the Know-it-all type of guy. If someone mentions something that is new to me, I will definitely ask questions. For example, I didn't know about some dumb over the counter herbal supplement called Airborne. So when my sister-in-law suggested that I take it at the first sight of the flu, I quickly asked questions on WOW does it really work? Where can I purchase Airborne? What are the ingredients? My sister-in-law instead perceived that I was hiding the truth. She thought that I knew what Airborne was and that I was testing her to deliver a �Gotcha� to her.

If someone is debating on how to make Sushi, I don't interrupt and give my two cents. Instead I listen. I want to learn new things. That is who I am. Unfortunately, people don't see it this way.
Jeffrey Hunter
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 16, 2004
Posts: 305
Originally posted by Jesse Torres:
I want to learn new things. That is who I am. Unfortunately, people don't see it this way.


Seems like a case where the desire to learn becomes less of a comforting attribute and more of an affliction. I can see how others might be put-off by such a fervent attitude towards learning, and, pardon my arm-chair psycho-analysis here, but it seems to be the inevitable result of their own insecurity. Why am I not interested in learning how to make sushi? Am I not as smart? Am I not as sophisticated? They might secretly despise your comments because of their own insecurities. Perhaps you need to hang out with a different crowd.

It's been my experience that we seem to bounce through the social circuits of life, picking up friends here and there and for the most part, these are the folks who form a good fit to us. Others are more like pocket-lint. They stick around for whatever reason until you decide to clean your laundry and get rid of the excess baggage.

As time passes, your circle of friends should stabilize, and hopefully you'll clean the lint out of your pockets so you can enjoy the benefits of good company and good conversation among friends. Of course, if you find that you really aren't making any friends, and other people are throwing you out as pocket lint, then maybe it's time to pay a visit to your personality and rennovate the place.
Michael Ernest
High Plains Drifter
Sheriff

Joined: Oct 25, 2000
Posts: 7292

My personal turn-off are responses to a thread that start with 'actually.' It's harmless enough, and nothing more than a verbal tic for many technically-minded people, but it does have that ring of a know-it-all who only chimes in to correct others or decorate to excess what has already been said.


Make visible what, without you, might perhaps never have been seen.
- Robert Bresson
Ernest Friedman-Hill
author and iconoclast
Marshal

Joined: Jul 08, 2003
Posts: 24166
    
  30

Honestly, what your friend said doesn't jive. You sure seem nice, and if you were the kind of person who liked to make other people look dumb, I'm sure we'd have seen that kind of behavior on display here -- but we haven't. You just seem like somebody who is interested in things. Nothing wrong with that.

If you value this person's friendship, I guess the only thing to do is try not to speak until you're spoken to. But really he doesn't sound like much fun to be around -- not sure it's worth the effort.


[Jess in Action][AskingGoodQuestions]
Thomas Paul
mister krabs
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 05, 2000
Posts: 13974
However, I also added every piece of information that I read on edmunds.

Perhaps when someone asks for your opinion they aren't looking for every bit of trivia you have ever collected on the subject. The words "mind-numbingly, geeky, boring" pop into my head. "Show off" is another word that might pop into my head.


Associate Instructor - Hofstra University
Amazon Top 750 reviewer - Blog - Unresolved References - Book Review Blog
Max Habibi
town drunk
( and author)
Sheriff

Joined: Jun 27, 2002
Posts: 4118
Jesse, there are always people around who will abuse you, given half the chance. They are bitter, angry people, and they only have as much impact as you allow them. You seem fine to me: While it's true that we could all be more kinder and more considerate, I wouln't lose any sleep over it.

M
[ November 29, 2004: Message edited by: Max Habibi ]
Warren Dew
blacksmith
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 04, 2004
Posts: 1332
    
    1
Jesse Torres:

I actually do listen to people.

Good!

If someone tells me a story, about anything, I actually listen word for word. I don't change the topic. I even stay quiet until I am asked for my opinion. For example, this same friend asked for my opinion on the new Honda Pilot SUV. I told him that in general Honda is extremely dependable and commands high resale values. However, I also added every piece of information that I read on edmunds. I told him that the Pilot being tested by Edmunds, died out during the review. I also told him about the numerous blogs in which people posts comments, both negative and positive, about Honda.

This seems to be an example of a situation where you ended up doing most of the talking. Can you describe a situation where you ended up just listening - not even asking questions, which counts as talking - while someone else did all the talking?
Jesse Torres
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 25, 2004
Posts: 985
Originally posted by Max Habibi:
Jesse, there are always people around who will abuse you, given half the chance. They are bitter, angry people, and they only have as much impact as you allow them. You seem fine to me: While it's true that we could all be more kinder and more considerate, I wouln't lose any sleep over it.

M

[ November 29, 2004: Message edited by: Max Habibi ]


Thanks for your kind words.
Jesse Torres
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 25, 2004
Posts: 985
Originally posted by Warren Dew:
Jesse Torres:

This seems to be an example of a situation where you ended up doing most of the talking. Can you describe a situation where you ended up just listening - not even asking questions, which counts as talking - while someone else did all the talking?


Absolutely! When friends tell me about their trips to Europe or anywhere else, I listen. I ask questions about the trip such as:
1) How was the trip?
2) How was the weather?
3) How was the food?
4) Are the people friendly?
5) What is the culture?

While my friend(s) answer the question(s), I listen very attentively. I don't respond, "well I've been to this place" in an effort to top their story. I honestly don't interrupt.

Here is where the plot thickens.

The so called friend is actually my sister-in-law. I want to stay away from her. The only problem is that she is the only family member that my wife has in the surrounding area. Also, I have become extremely close to my sister-in-laws' kids. It hurts me that despite our closeness, she would think that low of me.

I apologize for concealing my friend's identity.

Any suggestions welcome!

Thanks,
[ November 29, 2004: Message edited by: Jesse Torres ]
peter wooster
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jun 13, 2004
Posts: 1033
Originally posted by Jesse Torres:
The so called friend is actually my sister-in-law.


Q: What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws?

A: Outlaws are wanted!
Jesse Torres
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 25, 2004
Posts: 985
Originally posted by peter wooster:


Q: What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws?

A: Outlaws are wanted!


In-laws = a relative by marriage. Inlaws are not wanted!Good one
Warren Dew
blacksmith
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 04, 2004
Posts: 1332
    
    1
Jesse Torres:

Any suggestions welcome!

Well, not a suggestion, exactly, but an analysis.

I think you view conversation as a way of exchanging information. That's why you tell people things they don't already know; that's why you ask questions about things you don't know when they talk to you. I sympathize with this, as I tend to feel the same way. In fact, I didn't used to understand how conversation could be useful for anything other than communicating information.

However, I think that many people use conversation mostly as a way of socializing and bonding. When people talk about sports around the water cooler, they aren't trying to learn new things; they are just talking to be able to agree on stuff all of them already know, so they can feel closer to each other.

Weird, I know. Still, recognizing that such a (mis) use of conversation exists might help some.
soumya ravindranath
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 26, 2001
Posts: 300
Are you a Sagittarian ?!

The other day we were invited for dinner by a couple whom we had met just once before that. After a heavy dinner and dessert, the lady offered fruits and I declined saying I am full (very politely). But after that, I sat and gave her a lengthy piece of info that I had read on how to get the maximum benefit from fruits by eating them with empty stomach. Once I reached home, I made a solemn vow not to open my mouth for another two days
Jesse Torres
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 25, 2004
Posts: 985
Originally posted by soumya ravindranath:
Are you a Sagittarian ?!

The other day we were invited for dinner by a couple whom we had met just once before that. After a heavy dinner and dessert, the lady offered fruits and I declined saying I am full (very politely). But after that, I sat and gave her a lengthy piece of info that I had read on how to get the maximum benefit from fruits by eating them with empty stomach. Once I reached home, I made a solemn vow not to open my mouth for another two days


Nope, I am a Taurus. My wife is a Sagittarius.

Why did you vow not to open your mouth for another two days?
Jesse Torres
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 25, 2004
Posts: 985
Originally posted by Warren Dew:
Jesse Torres:

Any suggestions welcome!

Well, not a suggestion, exactly, but an analysis.

I think you view conversation as a way of exchanging information. That's why you tell people things they don't already know; that's why you ask questions about things you don't know when they talk to you. I sympathize with this, as I tend to feel the same way. In fact, I didn't used to understand how conversation could be useful for anything other than communicating information.

However, I think that many people use conversation mostly as a way of socializing and bonding. When people talk about sports around the water cooler, they aren't trying to learn new things; they are just talking to be able to agree on stuff all of them already know, so they can feel closer to each other.

Weird, I know. Still, recognizing that such a (mis) use of conversation exists might help some.


When I ask others about stuff that I don't know, they think that I am testing them. They literally take it the wrong way. If I ask too many questions, I am perceived as nosy. If I don't ask many questions, I am perceived as rude. Should I resort to speak about the weather and movies to my sister-in-law?

Thanks,
soumya ravindranath
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 26, 2001
Posts: 300
Originally posted by Jesse Torres:

Nope, I am a Taurus. My wife is a Sagittarius.

Why did you vow not to open your mouth for another two days?


I keep doing exactly what you describe in your posting, but have never faced comments on my behaviour in those many words yet. I realise it immediately, that I am giving too much of unsolicited info and try to stop saying anything for a while E.g. if someone begins talking about their child's illness, my immediate urge is to pour out ALL that I know about it (which often scares them away ) My idea is to help...
Richard Hawkes
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 28, 2003
Posts: 1340
Which Star Trek character are you?

Jesse Torres: Data

...he has a logical mind and finds humans hard to understand yet is drawn to the concept of humanity. This desire combined with his apparent innocence about the reality around him charmed viewers and made him one of the most popular characters of the series.


fred rosenberger
lowercase baba
Bartender

Joined: Oct 02, 2003
Posts: 10916
    
  12

My two cents (which is probably only worth a penny...)

You may be giving people too much information. Take the Honda example... perhaps you could have said something like "Honda generally makes pretty good cars all around, but some of what i've read makes me have real reservations about this one."

That allows the person on the other end to either a) ask questions if they're interested, or b) let the conversation drop if they were just making casual conversation.

I think i'm a lot like you. I love getting information on everything. I love to share information. And, being a former teacher, i love to teach people things. My wife is teaching me (slowly) to be slightly less of a teacher.

I don't think you're arrogant, rude, or anything else. maybe a little over-zealous.

Your friend/sister-in-law seems a little... crud, can't think of the word... but isn't it a little rude of her to be calling you arrogant? That doesn't seem like the proper way to handle this situation. perhaps she could have taken you aside at some point and mentioned the fact that you sometimes give a little too much info...


There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors
Ernest Friedman-Hill
author and iconoclast
Marshal

Joined: Jul 08, 2003
Posts: 24166
    
  30

Originally posted by fred rosenberger:

Your friend/sister-in-law seems a little... crud, can't think of the word...


"Presumptuous" is the very nicest word I can think of that applies.
Frank Silbermann
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jun 06, 2002
Posts: 1379
It may be that Jesse is doing something annoying, but the critic cannot put his finger on exactly what it is that annoys him. I can think of two possibilities.

(1) As others have pointed out, it may be a problem with asking, "Did you know that ...?" or "Did you hear that...?" What business is it of yours as to how knowledgeable I am?

(2) The brain dump of information. It may be that you are concentrating so hard on telling everything you know that you are ignoring nonverbal feedback as to whether you are telling more than he wanted to know, or too fast, or in the wrong order. For example, if I'm on Unix and I type "man someCommand" to get the manual entry and ten pages of information flash by my screen, that's pretty useless and annoying. To read it, I have to pipe it through the "more" command so it gives me one screen at a time, and lets me indicate when I'm ready for the next screen. Even better are today's hypertext web pages that provide some intro and some links so that _I_ can choose the information I want. Analogously, when someone asks you a question that has a complicated answer, you might give a short enumeration of the issues and dimensions of the problem, and let the other fellow indicate which direction he wants the discussion to take.
Thomas Paul
mister krabs
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 05, 2000
Posts: 13974
I think at some point if you are always pushing information on people they may start to think of you as a show-off. If a person asks, "what's the weather outside" that doesn't mean they need a complete lesson on cold fronts and upper atmosphere wind flow. Sometimes all they want is, "it's raining."
Ray Marsh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 12, 2000
Posts: 458
Sometimes I get accused of being a know-it-all and I really don't, just most of it all. The rest isn't worth knowing anyway.

Seriously, I am 100% geek and subsequently love to learn stuff. I find things interesting that most people I know just :roll: at. I have learned that everyone is not interested in knowing what I know, or even learning something new, so I keep quiet more often these days.

Another more difficult situation is when someone is obviously mistaken or under a common misconception. If you really want to be labeled arrogant try this on for size.

"That is a common misconception. Actually the facts are..."

Its better to sing "Jungle Boogie" real loud inside your head and let the urge to educate the ignorant pass.
[ November 30, 2004: Message edited by: Ray Marsh ]

Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength. – Charles Spurgeon
Jesse Torres
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 25, 2004
Posts: 985
Originally posted by soumya ravindranath:


I keep doing exactly what you describe in your posting, but have never faced comments on my behaviour in those many words yet. I realise it immediately, that I am giving too much of unsolicited info and try to stop saying anything for a while E.g. if someone begins talking about their child's illness, my immediate urge is to pour out ALL that I know about it (which often scares them away ) My idea is to help...


I feel exactly the same as you! It is good to know that I am not alone.
Jesse Torres
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 25, 2004
Posts: 985
Originally posted by Thomas Paul:
I think at some point if you are always pushing information on people they may start to think of you as a show-off. If a person asks, "what's the weather outside" that doesn't mean they need a complete lesson on cold fronts and upper atmosphere wind flow. Sometimes all they want is, "it's raining."


I believe that you are absolutely correct. I always think that I am helping others. Instead, I am perceived as a know-it-all arrogant being. Starting today, I am not going to volunteer any extra information.

Thanks for your help,
Jesse Torres
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 25, 2004
Posts: 985
Originally posted by fred rosenberger:
My two cents (which is probably only worth a penny...)

You may be giving people too much information. Take the Honda example... perhaps you could have said something like "Honda generally makes pretty good cars all around, but some of what i've read makes me have real reservations about this one."

That allows the person on the other end to either a) ask questions if they're interested, or b) let the conversation drop if they were just making casual conversation.

I think i'm a lot like you. I love getting information on everything. I love to share information. And, being a former teacher, i love to teach people things. My wife is teaching me (slowly) to be slightly less of a teacher.

I don't think you're arrogant, rude, or anything else. maybe a little over-zealous.

Your friend/sister-in-law seems a little... crud, can't think of the word... but isn't it a little rude of her to be calling you arrogant? That doesn't seem like the proper way to handle this situation. perhaps she could have taken you aside at some point and mentioned the fact that you sometimes give a little too much info...



You are right. I should have answered to the Honda question, "Honda is a great reliable company. However, comments that I have read have made me think twice about purchasing a Honda." Then if the other person wants to know more about my comments, he/she can ask me.

Thanks for your suggestions,
Joe King
Ranch Hand

Joined: Sep 02, 2003
Posts: 820
Originally posted by Ray Marsh:

Its better to sing "Jungle Boogie" real loud inside your head and let the urge to educate the ignorant pass.


I nearly made a complete idiot of myself laughing in the middle of the office at this. I had a vision of someone singing Jungle Boogie to themselves when being told something they don't like, and then going a bit to far and starting to dance..... although that would probably put someone off a bit if they were trying to lecture you
Ray Marsh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 12, 2000
Posts: 458
Originally posted by Joe King:
I nearly made a complete idiot of myself laughing in the middle of the office at this. I had a vision of someone singing Jungle Boogie to themselves when being told something they don't like, and then going a bit to far and starting to dance..... although that would probably put someone off a bit if they were trying to lecture you


Glad you got a chuckle. I really hate that song, actually. And it is one that once it gets in your head, you can't get it out! In fact just discussing it will condemn me to a few hours of hearing it over and over again. groan!
Joe King
Ranch Hand

Joined: Sep 02, 2003
Posts: 820
Originally posted by Ray Marsh:

Glad you got a chuckle. I really hate that song, actually. And it is one that once it gets in your head, you can't get it out! In fact just discussing it will condemn me to a few hours of hearing it over and over again. groan!


Indeed, as I found out. I have spent the last two days with the blasted thing stuck on my head. So far I've managed to avoid doing a bit of jungle boogying myself... but only just. Its just not appropriate in the middle of a meeting.
Homer Phillips
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 26, 2004
Posts: 311
Great minds discuss ideas, mediocre minds discuss events, small minds discuss personalities.

Thank you so much for sharing this.

I should be not be commenting, Jesse.
"Honda is a great reliable company. However, comments that I have read have made me think twice about purchasing a Honda."

I don't think the above will work. I've really come to admire politicians on Sunday morning.

Well, it's a Honda and that says a lot. Sometimes when I look at them and I wonder if I am looking at the past or I am looking at the future. Have you driven one? Do they get good pick-up?

You say nothing and lob the ball back. Who gets invited to the whitehouse the guy from jeopardy or the bosox?
[ December 02, 2004: Message edited by: Homer Phillips ]
Tim Holloway
Saloon Keeper

Joined: Jun 25, 2001
Posts: 15641
    
  15

Really? You don't say.

Did you know that people with that kind of attitude strike me as pretty darned arrogant themselves? Sometimes it's just a matter of people getting annoyed because they want to one-up you and realize they're hopelessly outclassed. So they resent it.

True, if you realize that you've been talking nonstop for 20 minutes on some off-the-wall subject and the other person's eyes have not only glazed over, but crossed and rolled up so only the whites are showing, you're not actually being arrogant so much as a crashing bore and you should learn to desist as a simple act of mercy towards others.

Arrogant is when you are less interested in airing out your knowledge as in steamrollering others with it. For some reason certain political columnists and radio/tv talk show hosts come into my mind thinking about this. I'm also reminded of a certain person I know who, not content to spew his entire store of esoteric technical knowledge, has to tie it in with an implict challenge of your own worth to live and an extended infomercial for his political opinions.

Often, it's less what you say as how you say it. One trick is to never say all you know and let the other person ask for more. Assuming they think it's worth knowing more. Some day I'll even manage to do this.

Of course, it's never a bad idea to tailor your speech to your audience:

Albert Einstein is attending a cocktail party. He walks up to a woman and asks here "Vat is your IQ?"

"160" she replies.

"Ach, gut", he responds. "We vill haff much to talk about. Physics, cosmology, theories of space-time und so weiter".

He goes on to meet another person. "Vat is your IQ?"

"100", the man replies.

"Zat iss also gut. We can discuss politics, religion and the like".

He proceeds onward.

"Und vat is your IQ?"

"75" is the reply.

"Really?" responds Albert. (Lynrd Skyrd twang) "HOW 'BOUT THEM GATORS?!!!"


For the benefit of those familiar with American College Football, the Gators are the team fielded by the University of Florida. It's not their year.


Customer surveys are for companies who didn't pay proper attention to begin with.
Alan Wanwierd
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jun 30, 2004
Posts: 624
Similar joke - (Sorry its a bit of the track of the thread!)

A man walks into a doctors office in Harley St London and insists that he requires whatever it takes to become Irish. The doctor umms and arrrs for a while and finaly says: "We can do the operation - but its very serious - we'd need to remove 90% of your brain. Are you sure you want to proceed? Its permanent and irreversible."

The patient doesnt flinch and is keen to proceed, so the rest of the surgical team are called in and the operation goes ahead.

The next day as the patient comes back to consciousness following his operation, the doctor is there to meet him. Before the patient can speak the doctor with a worried look on his face, steps forward to explain:

"I'm terribly sorry there was a bit of a mix up in theatre and instead of removing 90% of your brain we took a little too much - we removed 98%. If theres anything we can do to compensate you we'll be happy to discuss ways to help you.."

the patient looks up and grins:
"No worries mate - she'll be right!"....
Homer Phillips
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 26, 2004
Posts: 311
Really? You don't say.

Yeah, I admire it. I have the hardest time spewing a line of BS with a straight face when somebody asks me a question. Of course if the answer is even slightly close to the question the politician gets a gold star. The best part is when Tim Russert plays the old tape or jerks the politicians chain. I am afraid it doesn't happen often enough, though.

If spewing BS works for the politicians why shouldn't it work for intellectuals. You have to meet the mediocre and the small minded on their turf. They can't rise to an ocassion.
 
I agree. Here's the link: http://aspose.com/file-tools
 
subject: Proper etiquette
 
Similar Threads
Job interviews: What not to say
A fascinating fellow
HFO Cover Model Entries
[political] Liberators
Possible suspects ?