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Want suggestions...

Raghav Sam
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Joined: Apr 12, 2001
Posts: 412
I am thinking of being by my wife's side when she delivers our first child. Though it is more of a personal choice, just wanted to know if is it kind of okay? Because I am from a place where social stigmas are still attached to such things. However I guess for those in US this is not uncommon.

Apart from the above point, is there some kind of Do's/Dont's you guys can think of?

Suggestion welcome.

TIA.
Ellen Zhao
Ranch Hand

Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: 581
First of all, congratulations to you!

Definitely be there when your wife delivers your baby! Social stigmas are still attached to such things? Be a man! Will you hurt anyone by doing so? I guess no. Then why not show your love and care to your wife when she needs you most? I'm from China, where a husband watching wife delivering a baby was considered ultimately ugly 100 years ago. But now, almost every Chinese man is there when the big time comes If you have to explain to the old people in your family, just say, you are just doing something perfectly fashionable in 10 or 20 years. You are a pioneer

Be there!

Best Wishes,
Ellen

PS: Ode of Joy in a milder presentation, enjoy.
[ December 10, 2004: Message edited by: Ellen Zhao ]
Helen Thomas
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 13, 2004
Posts: 1759
My brother-in-law is a cricket fanatic.I don't think my sister has forgiven him yet, for on her second particulary difficult delivery I think watching a crucial cricket match helped him stay calm. Luckily for him he has learned to balance cricket and kids. Somewhat. The kids seem to sense when it's not a good time to be around Daddy - when there's sport on the Television.
[ December 10, 2004: Message edited by: Helen Thomas ]

Le Cafe Mouse - Helen's musings on the web - Java Skills and Thrills
"God who creates and is nature is very difficult to understand, but he is not arbitrary or malicious." OR "God does not play dice." - Einstein
Arjun Shastry
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 13, 2003
Posts: 1874
Originally posted by Raghav Sam:
Because I am from a place where social stigmas are still attached to such things.
Suggestion welcome.
.

If people surrounding you are too concerned about this,then you can try wearing hijab etc pretending Muslim woman.
You can safely enter the room .Make sure your wife tells the hospital staff and others than her beloved friend can not speak.
[ December 10, 2004: Message edited by: Arjun Shastry ]

MH
Gerald Davis
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 15, 2002
Posts: 872
Originally posted by Raghav Sam:
I am thinking of being by my wife's side when she delivers our first child. Though it is more of a personal choice, just wanted to know if is it kind of okay? Because I am from a place where social stigmas are still attached to such things. However I guess for those in US this is not uncommon.

Apart from the above point, is there some kind of Do's/Dont's you guys can think of?

Suggestion welcome.

TIA.


Go for it, but whatever you do, don�t ever look were you shouldn�t look; it could leave you psychologically scarred, and put you of sex for a long time.
Joe King
Ranch Hand

Joined: Sep 02, 2003
Posts: 820
Originally posted by Helen Thomas:
My brother-in-law is a cricket fanatic.I don't think my sister has forgiven him yet, for on her second particulary difficult delivery I think watching a crucial cricket match helped him stay calm. Luckily for him he has learned to balance cricket and kids. Somewhat. The kids seem to sense when it's not a good time to be around Daddy - when there's sport on the Television.

[ December 10, 2004: Message edited by: Helen Thomas ]


Sounds familiar. My dad was quite annoyed that I had the cheek to be born on a match day and he had to miss Reading v Millwall.

Unfortunately I've inherited the same addiction to Reading Football Club. Sometimes I wonder what I'd do if I had a wife about to give birth to my child as Reading were going to play in the cup final... Reading have never been in the final before in their 134 year history, so I'd be missing a once in a life time event.... but on the other hand I'd be in a bit of trouble.

Thinking about it, I've come to the obvious and only correct choice. Its not like I couldn't have other kids and see their births.
Raghav Sam
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 12, 2001
Posts: 412
Originally posted by Arjun Shastry:

If people surrounding you are too concerned about this,then you can try wearing hijab etc pretending Muslim woman.
You can safely enter the room .Make sure your wife tells the hospital staff and others than her beloved friend can not speak.

[ December 10, 2004: Message edited by: Arjun Shastry ]


Sounds interesting! But rather shall do it openly if it comes to that.
Raghav Sam
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 12, 2001
Posts: 412
Originally posted by Ellen Zhao:
First of all, congratulations to you!

Definitely be there when your wife delivers your baby! Social stigmas are still attached to such things? Be a man! Will you hurt anyone by doing so? I guess no. Then why not show your love and care to your wife when she needs you most? I'm from China, where a husband watching wife delivering a baby was considered ultimately ugly 100 years ago. But now, almost every Chinese man is there when the big time comes If you have to explain to the old people in your family, just say, you are just doing something perfectly fashionable in 10 or 20 years. You are a pioneer

Be there!

Best Wishes,
Ellen

PS: Ode of Joy in a milder presentation, enjoy.

[ December 10, 2004: Message edited by: Ellen Zhao ]


Thanks for your wishes! Think I will go for it by all means.

BTW, I couldnt play that MP3 due to corporate restrictions. Can you plz mail it to s_raghavendran@yahoo.com
soumya ravindranath
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 26, 2001
Posts: 300
Hey,
Congratulations!
I delivered my son outside India and my husband was by my side during the 31 hours of labour. (Err... well, he did go home for dinner and a short nap in between). It did help me at moments of sheer helplessness! And contrary to both our fear, he did not faint when he was made to cut the umbilical chord I guess it would mean a lot to every woman to have the father of her child by her side, willingly
Now in India, many doctors do allow men to get into the labour room. I don't understand why the rest don't :-(

Good luck!
Soumya.
Balaji Loganathan
author and deputy
Bartender

Joined: Jul 13, 2001
Posts: 3150
Originally posted by soumya ravindranath:
And contrary to both our fear, he did not faint when he was made to cut the umbilical chord


Jesus Christ........
Stan James
(instanceof Sidekick)
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 29, 2003
Posts: 8791
Be there - but slightly out of reach - so she can fix her gaze on you and blame you for all the pain she's in. Seriously, your support during labor can be very helpful. I got to cut my son's cord and hold him almost immediately. Very cool experience.


A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of the idea. John Ciardi
Balaji Loganathan
author and deputy
Bartender

Joined: Jul 13, 2001
Posts: 3150
Originally posted by Stan James:
I got to cut my son's cord and hold him almost immediately. Very cool experience.

For what reasons the father has to do it ??
Ray Marsh
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 12, 2000
Posts: 458
Originally posted by Raghav Sam:
I am thinking of being by my wife's side when she delivers our first child...


Congrats! That is exciting.

I was blessed to be present for both my children's births. I wouldn't have missed them for anything. I was worse than a kid at Christmas time. The doctor had to ask me to move because I was right there waiting to see my first born. When she came out I followed the doctor like a puppy trying to get a better look at her. I was a real pain! My poor wife was exhausted and still had to deliver the placenta and I left her to gawk at the baby! I got back in time to hold her hand, I just forgot myself for a moment.

Don't miss it and your wife will appreciate it too.

Children should come with warning labels, however. They take a big piece of your heart and never give it back.


Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength. – Charles Spurgeon
Steve Wink
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 13, 2002
Posts: 223
Heres a top tip:

make sure your wifes fingernails are very very short. You'll understand why on the day...

Apart from being emotionally supportive, you being there will help in that you can question the doctors etc - sometimes they'll just do things without asking the woman or explaining why they're doing it. Your mantra should be "Is that necessary? What would happen if you didn't do that?".
[ December 10, 2004: Message edited by: Steve Wink ]
Helen Thomas
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 13, 2004
Posts: 1759
Originally posted by Steve Wink:

Apart from being emotionally supportive, you being there will help in that you can question the doctors etc - sometimes they'll just do things without asking the woman or explaining why they're doing it. Your mantra should be "Is that necessary? What would happen if you didn't do that?".



I think that's why they get the husbands to cut the umbilical cord. To shut them up.
[ December 10, 2004: Message edited by: Helen Thomas ]
kayal cox
Ranch Hand

Joined: Aug 19, 2004
Posts: 376
Be with her. Be with her.
Childbirth is considered to be nothing short of rebirth of a woman.

Childbirth terrifies me, and I have been postponing our plans for quite some time now.
But if I ever decide to go for it, I would DEMAND that my husband is next to me all the time!
Frank Silbermann
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jun 06, 2002
Posts: 1387
I was with my wife for the first three, and I cut the umbilical cord for the third. For the fourth, I was waiting in the lobby to be called when she was ready to deliver, but the baby came out moments before I got there -- while she was on the cart being wheeled into the delivery room. For the fifth one, she asked me to stay home and watch the other four, while her friend went with her. She wants a sixth, but with the bursting of the high-tech bubble I already struggle to support the ones I have.

(I figured that if I have lots of children, maybe the U.S. would no longer need so many immigrants. Blame President Clinton for raising the marginal tax rate and offsetting it with a higher per-child exemption. Incentives matter.)
Jason Menard
Sheriff

Joined: Nov 09, 2000
Posts: 6450
Personally, I might ask to be allowed to do the delivery.
Mapraputa Is
Leverager of our synergies
Sheriff

Joined: Aug 26, 2000
Posts: 10065
When I will need it, I will ask you, Jason.


Uncontrolled vocabularies
"I try my best to make *all* my posts nice, even when I feel upset" -- Philippe Maquet
Madhav Lakkapragada
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jun 03, 2000
Posts: 5040
Congrats, its that time already, huh!.
If the doctor/hospital has no objection, be there. I was there.
When it was time to cut the cord, we were so stressed (first time) and excited that I took the sicessors and proceeded to cut the cord outside the clips. The doctor immediatly grabbed my hand and stopped me. Only then I realized I was doing it wrong. Then I cut it in the right place, actually the doctor moved my hand to the right place. I wasn't even looking at the baby, I was more worried about the mom - she was screaming and getting out of the bed. It took us some time for the excitement to normalize, its a pretty intense time - emotionally for us and physically for the mom.

It is important to be there till the end. After delivery, while moving to the other room, my wife passed out. Baby was already in the nursery and I was packing up things in the delivery room. The nurse couldn't hold her and she had to sit down on the floor. I was in the other room packing and came running. (Other parents may know this...)...Delivery doesn't end with the baby coming out there's more to it that follows and that's where you could be helpful - to hold her.

Re, questioning the doctors, be careful. Test the pulse of the doctors, make sure you don't question their authority/judgement. There's a lot at stake and judgements are made in split-seconds. Each pregnancy is different and each person reacts differently. Take care. If I could ask, share your experience with us when its (I mean the delivery thing) all done.
Good luck.

- m
Ernest Friedman-Hill
author and iconoclast
Marshal

Joined: Jul 08, 2003
Posts: 24183
    
  34

There's this astonishing moment that I experienced when each of my children was born:

I'm standing there helping and comforting my wife. There's just the two of us (along with the doctors, of course.) I'm extremely worried (as I imagine most fathers are, especially when the delivery was difficult, as my wife's have been) about all the things that might go wrong. All my hope, fears, thoughts, and worries are concentrated in that one spot, on the table in front of me.

Then, suddenly, the baby is here, and the doctor quickly hands it off to the nursing staff, and they get busy cleaning and warming and otherwise caring for the newborn. At that precise instant, there's a very tangible feeling of those worries and cares bifurcating -- ripping in half, in two pieces, one half still on the table, the other half over with the nurses, and I have no idea which way to go. It's the strangest feeling, of being almost torn in two pieces as your heart very suddenly has an entire new person to love.


[Jess in Action][AskingGoodQuestions]
Raghav Sam
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 12, 2001
Posts: 412
Originally posted by Madhav Lakkapragada:
Congrats, its that time already, huh!.
- m


Its about 32 weeks now. Only yesterday my wife had a scan and at that point it seems the baby was in a breech position. Hope the baby gets to the normal position in time.


If I could ask, share your experience with us when its (I mean the delivery thing) all done.


Sure, will do.
[ December 11, 2004: Message edited by: Raghav Sam ]
Raghav Sam
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 12, 2001
Posts: 412
Am happy to share with you all that we are blessed with a beautiful baby girl on 25th Jan. Both mother and child are doing fine.

The baby was born by c-section since the doc said there was not even 1% possibility for the baby's head to turn. Missed a wonderful chance to be by my wife when she actually delivered. But considering it was a safe delivery albeit a caesarian, I am thankful to god. In any case I was there during the entire week. That gives me enough satisfaction.

Yet to name the baby as we have an elaborate function for that.
[ February 01, 2005: Message edited by: Raghav Sam ]
Helen Thomas
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jan 13, 2004
Posts: 1759
Congratulations, Raghav!
Ellen Zhao
Ranch Hand

Joined: Sep 17, 2002
Posts: 581
congratulations!
Alan Wanwierd
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jun 30, 2004
Posts: 624
Originally posted by Raghav Sam:
..Yet to name the baby as we have an elaborate function for that...


Show us the function! Heres one....

Madhav Lakkapragada
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jun 03, 2000
Posts: 5040
Congrats, Raghav.
Actually, for the baby's head to be in the right position, Doctor's suggest as much walking as the Mom can handle during the third trimester. Just a tip for the next time.

And a few corrections to Adrain's function:

Originally posted by Adrian Wallace:


Raghav Sam
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 12, 2001
Posts: 412
Originally posted by Madhav Lakkapragada:

Actually, for the baby's head to be in the right position, Doctor's suggest as much walking as the Mom can handle during the third trimester. Just a tip for the next time.


Oh, she did all that. The reason the doc gave was that the baby was tall (just like me ) and so did not have enough space for turning. It also found the breech very comfortable and hence did not turn. In fact the doc asked my wife not to strain too much as the baby's growth in the last 15 days was very rapid.
[ February 02, 2005: Message edited by: Raghav Sam ]
Alan Wanwierd
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jun 30, 2004
Posts: 624
Originally posted by Raghav Sam:
..The reason the doc gave was that the baby was tall (just like me ) and so did not have enough space for turning. ...


Interesting - My daughter was also breech and born by c-section. But doctors didnt mention height as siginificant despite the fact that I am 6'3" and my wife is 5'0" !!!

(On current projections baby daughter now 10 mnth old, looks to be taking after neither of us and being totaly average height!)
Raghav Sam
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 12, 2001
Posts: 412
Originally posted by Adrian Wallace:


Interesting - My daughter was also breech and born by c-section. But doctors didnt mention height as siginificant despite the fact that I am 6'3" and my wife is 5'0" !!!

(On current projections baby daughter now 10 mnth old, looks to be taking after neither of us and being totaly average height!)


Guess the size of uterus also matters which will be consistent with the mother's height as well.
ammu vasanth
Ranch Hand

Joined: Sep 04, 2004
Posts: 47
CONGRATS...

Hope you didn't do anything of this sort during delivery..
[ February 03, 2005: Message edited by: ammu vasanth ]
 
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