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suggestion on divorce

Pat Davis
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Joined: Nov 08, 2004
Posts: 47
not i am going to divorce, i have not married yet.


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Matt Fielder
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Joined: Oct 27, 2004
Posts: 158
is there a question in there somewhere?
Pat Davis
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Joined: Nov 08, 2004
Posts: 47
actually there is: how do you divorce proof your life?
Ernest Friedman-Hill
author and iconoclast
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Joined: Jul 08, 2003
Posts: 24187
    
  34

Originally posted by Pat Davis:
how do you divorce proof your life?


Don't get married. Otherwise, there are no guarantees.


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Pat Davis
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Joined: Nov 08, 2004
Posts: 47
before i get an indoor cat, i got to cat proof my home: put a lid on trash can,......

in the case of marriage, i suppose there should be some kind of pre marriage agreement. because i do not like the idea of splitting of michael jordan's asset when he divorced.
Aj Mathia
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Joined: Apr 11, 2003
Posts: 478
"divorce" the ultimate solution to a situation where you lose because the most important descn about your future was made on impulse by you


You think you know me .... You will never know me ... You know only what I let you know ... You are just a puppet ... --CMG
Matt Fielder
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Joined: Oct 27, 2004
Posts: 158
There are two schools of thought the way I look at it.

1. Trust the person you marry. If you don't trust them enough to promise your life to them, you shouldn't be marrying them. If there's enough in the other person's life that makes you distrust them, how can you trust them to share your life with them? There is an exception though; see point 2.

2. Get a prenuptial agreement. Basically its a legal document that prepares for divorce. It dictates how things will be split in the case of divorce. Even these aren't bulletproof as any legal document has loopholes and exceptions. The one exception for subscribers to number 1 could be if you are extremely wealthy and there is the possible that you are being taken and scammed for your wealth. A prenup might be a reasonable action.

3. I'll add a 3. Don't get married. You could do like one of my relatives. They are "married" in their hearts, but aren't legally connected. To avoid common law, he actually pays rent for a room in her house and is a tenant of hers. Its just on paper to keep the gov't out of their lives. If anything happened, they could both walk and any fighting over assets would be between them and there would be no legal backing to any claims by either.
Dave Lenton
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Joined: Jan 20, 2005
Posts: 1241
Originally posted by Matt Fielder:
There are two schools of thought the way I look at it.
1. Trust the person you marry.
2. Get a prenuptial agreement.


I always find is slightly strange when people claim to follow both schools of though, by saying "I trust my soon to be spouse, but I'm getting a pre-nup". If you trust someone totally, why would you need a pre-nup? Seems to me that getting a pre-nup is a sign of not quite having complete trust.

Maybe I'm a naive idealist.


There will be glitches in my transition from being a saloon bar sage to a world statesman. - Tony Banks
Svend Rost
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Joined: Oct 23, 2002
Posts: 904
Im divided in this question.

On the one hand, im with Dave on this one.. by getting a pre-nup you
already start to think about divorce as if it's eventually going to
happen. Doesn't it ruin some of the magic/romance?

But on the other hand, I woudn't want my wife to run off with the pool
boy and get half my assets.

/Svend Rost
[ June 23, 2005: Message edited by: Svend Rost ]
Neeraj Dheer
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Joined: Mar 30, 2005
Posts: 225
leads to the same question again: you have a thought that says your wife will run away with someone someday and you claim you trust her???
Jeroen Wenting
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Joined: Oct 12, 2000
Posts: 5093
Originally posted by Ernest Friedman-Hill:


Don't get married. Otherwise, there are no guarantees.


or make sure your partner never survives long enough to live through a divorce...

OK, enough bloodthirstiness for one day


42
Aj Mathia
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Joined: Apr 11, 2003
Posts: 478
From a self-centred point of view
Plan your divorce(if you are heading to one).
Haha make sure you get the drivers seat rather than paying off alimony or losing custody of a kid etc.
Ernest Friedman-Hill
author and iconoclast
Marshal

Joined: Jul 08, 2003
Posts: 24187
    
  34

Originally posted by Jeroen Wenting:

OK, enough bloodthirstiness for one day


Oh, c'mon, just a little more...
Alan Wanwierd
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Joined: Jun 30, 2004
Posts: 624
Originally posted by Neeraj Dheer:
leads to the same question again: you have a thought that says your wife will run away with someone someday and you claim you trust her???


There are 2 types of trust we are talking about here:

1) Trusting in you partner and having faith that the relationship will survive.

This is something that we all think we have when we get married - otherwise we wouldnt do it.

2) Trust that in the event of a relationship breakdown, a reasonable split of any shared resources can be reached without going to the legal firm of "This is mine, Thats yours enc." and relying on them to agree on a 25/25 split (with the lawyers getting the remaining 50%)


Some years ago I bought a house with my girlfriend - the reasons were mainly financial, renting costs were increasing all the time and purchasing was a cheaper option! We'd been living together for a while and had no reason to suspect we woudlnt remain together...
Some time later our relationship began to sour and I moved out. We were able to calmy discuss what we needed to do and established that since she could not afford to live there alone she should move out and we'd get tennants. I continued to pay my half (actually more like 70% due to income disparity) of the mortgage until we had tennants, and then we ran the house as a rental business for a couple of years before selling it and splitting the proceeds down the middle.

There was no need for any nasty lawyers - and dispite there being potential for acrimony we both managed to profit handsomely from the deal (she got half proceeds of sale despite contributing less than that to its purchase, and I got a someone managing tennants and rentals and then organising the sale while I was the other side of the planet!)

I'm sure some of you will say - "ahhh yes but you were lucky - what about when things go REALLY pear-shaed and you cant stand each others guts?"
Thats what I dont understand - I've had many relationships over the years and all but 1 (funny that?? ) have failed. However, I've never had a relationship go so bad that I dont get on with the other person and most of my ex-girlfriends remain friends - many of whom I am in regular contact with.

..I guess this can be paraphrased as "Why cant we just all be friends?" !
Svend Rost
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Joined: Oct 23, 2002
Posts: 904
Originally posted by Adrian Wallace:


I've had many relationships over the years


brag brag brag!
Jeroen Wenting
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Joined: Oct 12, 2000
Posts: 5093
Originally posted by Svend Rost:


brag brag brag!


He's probably got a very big family.
He's related to dozens of brothers, sisters, cousins, aunties, etc. etc.
 
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