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tom swifties

Bert Bates
author
Sheriff

Joined: Oct 14, 2002
Posts: 8764
    
    5
from fun-with-words.com:

"I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom bluntly.
"Oops! There goes my hat!" said Tom off the top of his head.
"I can no longer hear anything," said Tom deftly.
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
"This must be an aerobics class," Tom worked out.

Here's my first, lame, attempt:

"I hate sewing", Susan pleaded.

one I just heard:

"Elvis is dead!" Bob said expressly.


Spot false dilemmas now, ask me how!
(If you're not on the edge, you're taking up too much room.)
Paul Clapham
Bartender

Joined: Oct 14, 2005
Posts: 18134
    
    8

Sorry... I don't get it. Yeah, I know how the swifties work, but I just can't translate "plead" into anything to do with sewing.
Mike Simmons
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 05, 2008
Posts: 2969
    
    9
pleaded <-> pleated
David O'Meara
Rancher

Joined: Mar 06, 2001
Posts: 13459

"I'll get the milk!", Bert expressed
David O'Meara
Rancher

Joined: Mar 06, 2001
Posts: 13459

"The program isn't loaded", Dave stated
David O'Meara
Rancher

Joined: Mar 06, 2001
Posts: 13459

"I can take it for you", John offered (hmm, not so sure)
Henry Wong
author
Sheriff

Joined: Sep 28, 2004
Posts: 18117
    
  39

I'll admit that I am pretty bad at this -- even the "easy" ones took me a while to "get".

Henry


Books: Java Threads, 3rd Edition, Jini in a Nutshell, and Java Gems (contributor)
pete stein
Bartender

Joined: Feb 23, 2007
Posts: 1561
"I never know how to end my try / catch blocks", Tom admitted finally.
David O'Meara
Rancher

Joined: Mar 06, 2001
Posts: 13459

oh ouch
pete stein
Bartender

Joined: Feb 23, 2007
Posts: 1561
David O'Meara wrote:oh ouch

You're just saying that cuz you didn't think of it first.
David O'Meara
Rancher

Joined: Mar 06, 2001
Posts: 13459

my comment still stands
Paul Clapham
Bartender

Joined: Oct 14, 2005
Posts: 18134
    
    8

Mike Simmons wrote:pleaded <-> pleated


Yeah, that was my best guess. Probably the two words don't sound as much alike in my dialect as they do in Bert's then, he said incomprehensibly.
Ernest Friedman-Hill
author and iconoclast
Marshal

Joined: Jul 08, 2003
Posts: 24166
    
  30

I'm just making these up:

"She's not breathing!" Tom said unerringly.

"I'm not sure if Church's Theorem applies here," Tom said haltingly.

"No, no, you have to dereference it!" Tom said pointedly.

"Thanks for coming on this camping trip with me," Tom send intently.

Stop me when you've had enough.


[Jess in Action][AskingGoodQuestions]
Bert Bates
author
Sheriff

Joined: Oct 14, 2002
Posts: 8764
    
    5
"Ernest has yet another talent", Bert said skillfully.

(Kathy is loving the try/catch block)

"Try not to burn that steak", Tom said seriously.
Michael Ernest
High Plains Drifter
Sheriff

Joined: Oct 25, 2000
Posts: 7292

Ernest Friedman-Hill wrote:
"She's not breathing!" Tom said unerringly.

My favorite so far. Feels like it gets old when tapping the same kind of pun though.

Some offerings:

"I love this switchblade," he snickered.

"Hawr to taugh whihout bifhing," she said, tongue-in-cheek.

"Aw, someone stole my underwear again," he mooned.


Make visible what, without you, might perhaps never have been seen.
- Robert Bresson
David O'Meara
Rancher

Joined: Mar 06, 2001
Posts: 13459

"I don't think that method will work", Bert reflected.
Ernest Friedman-Hill
author and iconoclast
Marshal

Joined: Jul 08, 2003
Posts: 24166
    
  30

"I still don't understand where the dependencies are coming from!", Tom injected.
Bert Bates
author
Sheriff

Joined: Oct 14, 2002
Posts: 8764
    
    5
"This method should never receive a negative int", David asserted.

"This type of city is rare in California", Arnold said faultlessly.

"I think we'll have to acknowledge that this method might do something risky", Paul tossed off.

"Let's divide it by two", Bear said evenly.


Ernest Friedman-Hill
author and iconoclast
Marshal

Joined: Jul 08, 2003
Posts: 24166
    
  30

"You have to supply the parameters!" Tom said argumentatively.

"I've stopped using my sleeve for a handkerchief," Tom said, off the cuff.

"I'm afraid everyone has forgotten about me," Tom said, collecting himself.

Vikas Kapoor
Ranch Hand

Joined: Aug 16, 2007
Posts: 1374
"I'm Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde", Tom said polymorphically.

"My son is not gonna inherit my values", Tom ended abstractly
Bear Bibeault
Author and ninkuma
Marshal

Joined: Jan 10, 2002
Posts: 60057
    
  65

"I think I've got whiplash", Tom said snidely.


[Asking smart questions] [Bear's FrontMan] [About Bear] [Books by Bear]
Ernest Friedman-Hill
author and iconoclast
Marshal

Joined: Jul 08, 2003
Posts: 24166
    
  30

Bear Bibeault wrote:"I think I've got whiplash", Tom said snidely.


Ryan McGuire
Ranch Hand

Joined: Feb 18, 2005
Posts: 988
    
    1
The ones for which I'm :

"I'm not sure if Church's Theorem applies here," Tom said haltingly.
"No, no, you have to dereference it!" Tom said pointedly.
"Thanks for coming on this camping trip with me," Tom send intently.
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
"Elvis is dead!" Bob said expressly. This one took me a second.
"You have to supply the parameters!" Tom said argumentatively.
"I'm afraid everyone has forgotten about me," Tom said, collecting himself.


"I'm Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde", Tom said polymorphically.

"Polymorphically"??? (Yes, I get it. However, I can't imagine how anyone would say anything polymorphically.)

And now, let me add to the list:
"I dropped the toothpaste," Ryan said crestfallen. (Not original.)
David O'Meara
Rancher

Joined: Mar 06, 2001
Posts: 13459

"Bear would never drink that whisky", Tom said with a wry grin
Ernest Friedman-Hill
author and iconoclast
Marshal

Joined: Jul 08, 2003
Posts: 24166
    
  30

"I am not using Smalltalk", Tom said unselfishly.
Bert Bates
author
Sheriff

Joined: Oct 14, 2002
Posts: 8764
    
    5
"They must be using the RETE algorithm", Marc inferred.
sujith Acharya
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Joined: Dec 25, 2006
Posts: 60
"You guys don't listen to me", William shouted
George Harris
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Joined: May 05, 2003
Posts: 84
"This is the worst Shish Kabob ever" Tom lambasted
W. Joe Smith
Ranch Hand

Joined: Feb 10, 2009
Posts: 710
"This wire is not properly insulated!" Joe said shockingly.


SCJA
When I die, I want people to look at me and say "Yeah, he might have been crazy, but that was one zarkin frood that knew where his towel was."
Arvind Mahendra
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 14, 2007
Posts: 1162
"But its only P*** mom", Tom ejaculated.

I was thinking about this all day today. I hope to God this is original and hasn't been thought of yet, I would really doubt it if it is though. I am trying to impress marc by being as funny as possible because I want to be like him.


I want to be like marc
Arvind Mahendra
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 14, 2007
Posts: 1162
Arvind Mahendra
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Joined: Jul 14, 2007
Posts: 1162
"I think I've had too much to drink" he buzzed.
Arvind Mahendra
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 14, 2007
Posts: 1162
"Its never a good idea to get married" . he embraced.

my best work!!
David O'Meara
Rancher

Joined: Mar 06, 2001
Posts: 13459

"I can edit the stream", Dave said.
Ryan McGuire
Ranch Hand

Joined: Feb 18, 2005
Posts: 988
    
    1
David O'Meara wrote:"I can edit the stream", Dave said.

That, my brother, was beautiful!


"I have some money I could invest in that plan," Ryan ventured.
"I just watched 'Cliffhanger', 'Judge Dredd' and 'Stop or My Mom Will Shoot'," Ryan said slyly.
Monu Tripathi
Rancher

Joined: Oct 12, 2008
Posts: 1369

"Everything went smoothly" he stuttered


[List of FAQs] | [Android FAQ] | [Samuh Varta]
David O'Meara
Rancher

Joined: Mar 06, 2001
Posts: 13459

Ryan McGuire wrote:That, my brother, was beautiful!

and slightly embarrassing
Mike Simmons
Ranch Hand

Joined: Mar 05, 2008
Posts: 2969
    
    9
Version 2.0:
"I can edit the stream", Dave said awkwardly.
Ernest Friedman-Hill
author and iconoclast
Marshal

Joined: Jul 08, 2003
Posts: 24166
    
  30


"I can edit the stream", Dave said awkwardly.


"Well, I am more intuitive," Bert vied.
Monu Tripathi
Rancher

Joined: Oct 12, 2008
Posts: 1369

"yah...maybe," Bert assured.
 
I agree. Here's the link: http://aspose.com/file-tools
 
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