Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"
"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that..."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"
the bartender sees them and yells "Hey you guys!!! Get out of here. We don't server Minors!!!"
Never ascribe to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Joined: Nov 08, 2001
Ah, I will add another corny music joke!
Q: Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
A: Because they kept saying "Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach"
The cornier the better! Eric
Joined: Feb 16, 2001
A New York woman was at her East Side hairdresser getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go Rome? It's crowded and dirty and worse yet, full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome." "So, how are you getting there"? "We're flying on Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental"? exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late." "So, where are you staying in Rome"? "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left side called Trieste..." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive. But it's really a dump. The worst hotel in the whole city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're way overpriced." "So, whatcha doing when you get there"? "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're sure going to need it."
A month later, the woman, all smiling, came in for her hair appointment. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was absolutely wonderful," explained the woman. "Not only did we arrive on time in one of Continental's brand new jets, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel. It was fabulous! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's just a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser. "I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Holy Father walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Really"? asked the hairdresser. "What'd he say"?
He said, "Where did you get that horrible haircut"?
but the notes C, E-flat and G form a C-minor chord.
Joined: Mar 25, 2001
Direct from the Department of Overanalysis...
> but the notes C, E-flat and G form a C-minor chord.
And that's what bugs me about this joke. You say three notes walk into a bar. But a note itself can't be minor (or major, diminished, augmented, perfect, etc.); only an interval or chord (notes in combination) can be minor (et al.).
So if the notes walked into the bar individually, there wouldn't be any problem getting served, right? (And there'd be no joke.)
But it sounds really stupid to say, "A chord walks into a bar..." Then, "Um, yeah, it was made up of three notes..."
(Oh, and I don't get Mark Spriztler's point either.) [ June 13, 2006: Message edited by: Michael Matola ]
Originally posted by David O'Meara: You guys could take the humour out of a rubber chicken
did you know rubber chickens are "seasonal items"? for some reason, a few years ago, i wanted to buy one. NOBODY had any. eventually, somebody at a Spencers, they said it was only available at a certain time of the year, although i don't remember when it was...
(Oh, and I don't get Mark Spriztler's point either.)
Yeah that guy, who's last name is close to mine makes no sense at all. But what I menat was that I assumed that he meant they were scales, because of was just thinking of major and minor scales, and not thinking about chords. which is why I got the joke, but overlooked why it works or doesn't.
I learnt a lesson. You should spell check your message when picking on someone's spell mistakes/typos
No not really, I don't care or mind spelling errors, it happens all the time when you type fast. But when you can still dig on people that spell your name incorrectly. Especially, when you have a different last name that is easy to get wrong, like mine. I always tell people to think of a Wine Spritzer but with an L.
Joined: Jan 30, 2000
Sorry - you'll always be thought of as Mark Twizzler to me.
"I'm not back." - Bill Harding, Twister
Joined: Mar 25, 2001
Especially, when you have a different last name that is easy to get wrong, like mine.
Me to. I often get "Natola" instead of "Matola." Or far more than necessary quantities of Ts or Ls. Or "Mottola" (OMG, RU like rel8ted to Tommy???LOL!!1111!)
The most bizarre was "Tctoleh."
I always tell people to think of a Wine Spritzer but with an L.
Joined: Nov 30, 2004
Did you hear the one about the agnostic dyslexic with insomnia?
He lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.