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Chuck Norris Java Facts

David Buzatto
Greenhorn

Joined: Jul 16, 2006
Posts: 9
- Chuck Norris serializes objects straight into human skulls.

- Chuck Norris doesn't deploy web applications, he roundhouse kicks them into the server.

- Chuck Norris always uses his own design patterns, and his favorite is the Roundhouse Kick.

- Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.

- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your web app will turn into a swing application, and a very bad swing application containing lots of icons of human skulls.

- Chuck Norris demonstrated the meaning of Float.POSITIVE_INFINITY by counting to it, twice.

- A synchronize doesn't protect against Chuck Norris, if he wants the object, he takes it.

- Chuck Norris doesn't use javac, he codes java by using a binary editor on the class files.

- Chuck Norris' java code never needs to be optimized. His code is so fast that it broke the speed of light during a test run in Sun's labs killing 37 people.

- When someone attempts to use one of Chuck Norris' deprecated methods, they automatically get a roundhouse kick to the face at compile time.

- The java.lang package originally contained a ChuckNorris class, but it punched its way out the package during a design review and roundhouse kicked Bill Joy in the face.

- Chuck Norris never has a bug in his code, EVER!

- Chuck Norris doesn't write code. He stares at a computer screen until he gets the progam he wants.

- Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.

- Chuck Norris' binary edited classes ignore Java bytecode verifier.

- Chuck Norris methods doesn't catch exceptions becuase no one has the guts to throw any at them.

- Chuck Norris will cast a value to any type just by staring at it.

- If you get a ChuckNorrisException you'll probably die.

- Chuck Norris is the only one who can use goto and const in Java.

- Chuck Norris can compile Java code in .NET Framework, obviously just by staring at it.

- Chuck dont need to catch an Exception because Java is afraid of the "flying tornado kick" at the moment it throws

- Chuck Norris's code can roundhouse kick all other Java Objects' privates

- Java visibility levels are public, default, protected, private and "protected by Chuck Norris", don't try to access a field with this
last modifier!!

- Chuck Norris eats JavaBeans and Roundhouse Kicks JavaServer Faces!

- Chuck Norris can divide by 0!

- Garbage collector only runs on Chuck Norris code to collect the bodies.

- Chuck Norris code uses agressive heap natively

- Every single line code of Chuck Norris runs in real time. Even in a multi threading application.

- When a CPU load a Chuck Norris class file, it doubles the speed.

- Chuck Norris can execute 64bit lenght instructions in a 32bit CPU.

- Chuck Norris implements "Indestructible". All the other creatures implements "Killable".

- Chuck Norris only program Java web applications to get a .WAR in the end.

- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a Java class very hard. The result is known as a inner class.

- Chuck Norris can do multiple inheritance in Java.

- JVM never throws exceptions to Chuck Norris, not anymore. 753 killed Sun engineers is enough.

- Chuck Norris doesn't need unit tests because his code always work. ALWAYS.

- Chuck Norris extends God.

- Chuck Norris workstation has so memory and it's so powerful that he could run all java applications in the world and get 2% of resources usage.

- Chuck Norris codes generics since 1.3.

- Chuck Norris' classes can't be decompiled... don't bother trying.


"Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand." (Fowler)
Ernest Friedman-Hill
author and iconoclast
Marshal

Joined: Jul 08, 2003
Posts: 24187
    
  34



These are really great!


[Jess in Action][AskingGoodQuestions]
Cp Baherwani
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 13, 2005
Posts: 41
Read this first, if you don't understand the joke. I did
Who is Chuck Norris?
fred rosenberger
lowercase baba
Bartender

Joined: Oct 02, 2003
Posts: 11480
    
  16

this might also clear up some things...


There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors
Raghav Sam
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 12, 2001
Posts: 412
Originally posted by David Buzatto:

- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your web app will turn into a swing application, and a very bad swing application containing lots of icons of human skulls.
- A synchronize doesn't protect against Chuck Norris, if he wants the object, he takes it.
- Chuck Norris implements "Indestructible". All the other creatures implements "Killable".
- Chuck Norris' classes can't be decompiled... don't bother trying.


Too good...!!!
Raghav Sam
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 12, 2001
Posts: 412
BTW, where did you get these? Am sure it requires some imagination!!!
Gregg Bolinger
GenRocket Founder
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 11, 2001
Posts: 15299
    
    6

Chuck Norris extends God.

Should it be:

God extends ChuckNorris


GenRocket - Experts at Building Test Data
Max Habibi
town drunk
( and author)
Sheriff

Joined: Jun 27, 2002
Posts: 4118
I heard God actually has a 'In Chuck We Trust" tattoo


Java Regular Expressions
Gregg Bolinger
GenRocket Founder
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 11, 2001
Posts: 15299
    
    6

"Hey Chuck. How 'bout roundhouse kicking Lucifer to hell for me. You mind?"

"Hey Chuck, Sodom and Gomorrah are on my crap list..."
Gregg Bolinger
GenRocket Founder
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 11, 2001
Posts: 15299
    
    6

The Ten Commandments

1. "I am the LORD your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of slavery. Thou shalt have no other gods before Me... ..Unless you are Chuck Norris"

2. "Do not make a sculpted image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above...Unless you are Chuck Norris"

3. "Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of the LORD...Unless you are Chuck Norris"

4. "Remember [zachor] the Sabbath day and keep it holy Unless you are Chuck Norris"

5. "Thou shalt honour your father and your mother...Unless you are Chuck Norris"

6. "Thou shalt not murder Unless you are Chuck Norris"

7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery. Unless you are Chuck Norris"

8. "Thou shalt not steal. Unless you are Chuck Norris"

9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor Unless you are Chuck Norris"

10. "Thou shalt not covet your neighbor's house...Unless you are Chuck Norris"
 
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