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Project Update

marc weber
Sheriff

Joined: Aug 31, 2004
Posts: 11343

By retroactively defining and re-engineering the key imperatives, we've solutioned the cascadence matrix so as to facilitate the superimposition of a multi-tiered safeguard utility on the infrastructure, thus implementing a new generalized Risk Mitigation Standard (RMS) to effectively insulate both enterprise and partner stakeholders from any possible climates of data degradation while delivering and promoting world class excellence in the realtime macro environment independent of external operators, drivers, and indirect opportunity coefficients that might otherwise impact the deliverability and/or inherent functionality of said imperatives or their respective conduits of enhanced operational controls.


"We're kind of on the level of crossword puzzle writers... And no one ever goes to them and gives them an award." ~Joe Strummer
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Deepak Bala
Bartender

Joined: Feb 24, 2006
Posts: 6662
    
    5

Thats a good update for a program written to count sheep.


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Jeroen T Wenting
Ranch Hand

Joined: Apr 21, 2006
Posts: 1847
in other words you've sent another bill for watching movies all month?


42
marc weber
Sheriff

Joined: Aug 31, 2004
Posts: 11343

Originally posted by Jeroen T Wenting:
in other words you've sent another bill for watching movies all month?

No, there's real work here. The key to success is in "retroactively defining and re-engineering the key imperatives." In other words, changing the original requirements to fit whatever you've... Uh, accomplished.

I actually sent this to my boss a few years ago when asked for an update. Fortunately, I clued him in before he forwarded it up the chain.
Nick White
Ranch Hand

Joined: Oct 09, 2006
Posts: 94
Originally posted by marc weber By retroactively defining and re-engineering the key imperatives, we've solutioned the cascadence matrix so as to facilitate the superimposition of a multi-tiered safeguard utility on the infrastructure, thus implementing a new generalized Risk Mitigation Standard (RMS) to effectively insulate both enterprise and partner stakeholders from any possible climates of data degradation while delivering and promoting world class excellence in the realtime macro environment independent of external operators, drivers, and indirect opportunity coefficients that might otherwise impact the deliverability and/or inherent functionality of said imperatives or their respective conduits of enhanced operational controls.


Passing that through a spell checker showed 3 issues:

1) Solutioned - even if this is correct it shouldn't be
2) Cascadence - again if this exists, what does it mean?
3) Realtime - boring I know, but not sure it's in the Oxford English (it maybe)

Anyone who can produce this sort of stuff needs to make sure that their social skills aren't in danger of being tarnished by the impression that they may not be the most interesting of lunch dates!
marc weber
Sheriff

Joined: Aug 31, 2004
Posts: 11343

Originally posted by Nick White:
...Passing that through a spell checker showed 3 issues...

That's disappointing. A paragraph of this size needs more issues than that to meet the Business Synthesemantical Coefficient (BSC).

(Synthesemantical: Relating to the practice of making up words -- e.g., "synthesemantical.")
marc weber
Sheriff

Joined: Aug 31, 2004
Posts: 11343

Nick, thank you for your feedback!

Recommended facilitizations:
  • Change "imperatives" to "pseudoimperatives."
  • Change "facilitate" to "facilitize."
  • Change "enterprise" to "enterprised."
  • Change "climates" to "climatization."
  • Change "realtime" to "tabular endtime." (Good catch!)
  • Change "external operators" to "rigid external operator modules." (These are real words, but they can still disfunction as a unified co-adjoinment.)
  • Change "functionality" to "non-fractionality."
  • Change "enhanced operational controls" to "empowered op hegemony architectures."
  • Considering that this is a single sentence, these edit touchpoints should increase the BSC from 3.587 to 9.387 (using a Kausmann-Steing model with no baseline).
    Maureen Augustus
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: Aug 18, 2006
    Posts: 72
    The Flesch Reading Ease calculation in Word gave it a score of 0 out of 100. No wonder I stopped reading after the first phrase!


    "Sex and drugs and women being set on fire! I've never heard of such a Christmas!" - Christine Baranski in "The Ref"
    marc weber
    Sheriff

    Joined: Aug 31, 2004
    Posts: 11343

    Originally posted by Maureen Augustus:
    The Flesch Reading Ease calculation in Word gave it a score of 0 out of 100...

    As Nigel Tufnel would say: That's nit-picking, isn't it?
    Peter Rooke
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: Oct 21, 2004
    Posts: 805

    The Flesch Reading Ease calculation in Word gave it a score of 0 out of 100...


    Got a score of 0 out of 110, on my Flesch Ease Calculation for Word - it goes from 0 to 110. Its 10 better. I mean if you have only 100, where can you go from there - nowhere. This goes to 110.


    Regards Pete
    marc weber
    Sheriff

    Joined: Aug 31, 2004
    Posts: 11343

    Originally posted by Peter Rooke:
    ...it goes from 0 to 110. Its 10 better...

    Why don't you just make 100 better and make 100 be the top... number... and make that a little better?
    Peter Rooke
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: Oct 21, 2004
    Posts: 805

    It goes to 110.
    One Louder
    [ October 27, 2006: Message edited by: Peter Rooke ]
    marc weber
    Sheriff

    Joined: Aug 31, 2004
    Posts: 11343

    "Yeah, listen, we'd love to stand around and chat, but we've gotta... sit down in the lobby and wait for the limo."
    Stan James
    (instanceof Sidekick)
    Ranch Hand

    Joined: Jan 29, 2003
    Posts: 8791
    That seems to have nailed all the issues and top initiatives on my current project. It actually made a lot of sense. I think that's a bad thing.


    A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of the idea. John Ciardi
    David O'Meara
    Rancher

    Joined: Mar 06, 2001
    Posts: 13459

    I fed 'functional into the dislexicon and my farourites were:

    functionalmorphic having the form of functional (like pshedo-functional, on non-functional?)
    ectofunctionalment action or process of outside of functional (like, not working?)

    Italics added by me.
    David O'Meara
    Rancher

    Joined: Mar 06, 2001
    Posts: 13459

    I realise 'world class' is a good thing, but is the best you can get? I vote for omniclass (all class). You could probably remove extraneous percipience from the rest of the quote.
    marc weber
    Sheriff

    Joined: Aug 31, 2004
    Posts: 11343

    Originally posted by David O'Meara:
    ...You could probably remove extraneous percipience from the rest of the quote.

    Hmmm... Probably. But I want to make sure it's clear.

    (I think "omniclass" still makes too much sense. A good rule of thumb is to use the word "dynamic" in every sentence, and you can never underestimate the Power of Capitalization. So instead of "promoting world class excellence," we'll be "promoting Dynamic Excellence.")
     
    I agree. Here's the link: http://aspose.com/file-tools
     
    subject: Project Update