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Diet Hacks

 
David O'Meara
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I've been going through a change of diet due to skewed cholesterol readings, but it started me thinking about something else:

Say you wanted to reduce your own reading on the scales. Nothing to do with helium balloons or hanging from a rope, purely self-improvement, although possibly fooling yourself.

Taking off all your clothes/jewelry and taking a big toilet break is obvious, but what else would you try (keeping in mind your GP would probably slap you at the suggestion). How much would shaving all of your hair get you? Arms legs etc included? Dehydration is probably a bad idea. Enema? Amputation is again too extreme unless you can get the part reattached.
 
v ray
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Garlic? ha ha! Take a garlic bath ( or a garland like kraemer on seinfeld!)...
Anyway, why not just use some cholesterol lowering medicine?
OTC i think you get niacin or something which helps a little. Plus plain old early morning cardio works.
 
David O'Meara
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I get four months to clean up my act. To be honest there is nothing evil in my diet, skewed cholesterol seems to run in the family, sadly. I prefer to avoid medication as it would then be something I'm stuck with.
 
Anupam Sinha
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Why would you want a false lower reading to start with. I would suggest the good old way. Wake up early go for a jog or try Yoga. Even better you can try both.
 
Jim Yingst
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[DOM]: Amputation is again too extreme unless you can get the part reattached.

I would say, even if you can get the part reattached. But maybe that's just me.

You could always fill your lungs with helium. Depending how long you can hold your breath for.
 
Paul Sturrock
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What about giving as much blood as you can tolerate? A litre of blood will be roughly equal to a kilo won't it? I don't know how much blood you can loose without needing transfusion - is two pints beyond a human's capabilities?
 
marc weber
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Originally posted by Anupam Sinha:
...Wake up early go for a jog or try Yoga. Even better you can try both.

That's the way to go. You will be healthier, and you will feel it (physically and otherwise).
 
Mapraputa Is
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How about circumcision?
 
v ray
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Originally posted by Mapraputa Is:
How about circumcision?


Not sure if he wants to lose fat and look lean there bwahaha
 
Barry Gaunt
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Beans to warm your heart, the more you eat the more you fart. Jet propulsion (in the right vertical takeoff direction) can help you "lose" weight.
 
Jim Yingst
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DOM, perhaps you can arrange to mount a powerful electromagnet above the doctor's office, then carry as much iron as you can conceal on your person. You will of course want to carefully analyze the strength of the forces beforehand, lest you overdo it. You may also need to activate the electromagnet just after stepping onto the scale, to use your weight to keep the scale from flying upwards. Of course that effect will end up adding to your weight, so again, analyze the forces carefully beforehand.
 
Barry Gaunt
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Jim said:
perhaps you can arrange to mount a powerful electromagnet above the doctor's office


Or to be more "natural", use a black hole instead of an energy consuming magnet.
 
Ryan McGuire
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If you're trying to make your doctor THINK you lost weight, there are ways to cheat the scales.

Assuming it's one of those balance scales with the balance arm at about chest level (depending on how tall you are), you could just un-adjust the scales when the doc isn't look and hope he doesn't readjust them before weighing you. Let's see... you want the pointer to go down. That means you should adjust the weight more toward the pointer end.

One trick that I've seen used for high school wrestling is to stand on the scale platform with your feet pretty far back and to tilt back a little so that your weight is on your heels instead of the arches of your feet. Depending on the scales, you can lose up to twenty pounds like this. The tricky part is staying steady enough so that the weight reading doesn't fluctuate wildly.

Then again, you could just eat right.
 
David O'Meara
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Not fooling the doctor, fooling yourself
But meddling with the scales is a good one!
 
Deepak Bala
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May be you could hire magneto from X Men instead of using a electro magnet or black hole. You can then substitute the metal diet with spinach. Its rich in iron so it should work out all right.
 
Mapraputa Is
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Since my circumcision idea wasn't terribly popular, I revoke it and suggest appendectomy instead.
 
Amit Batra
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Wear less makeup if youre a chic or less jewellery if youre a bloke. Or if youre one of those metrosexual ones then both.
Hey Whaddya know thats a rhymer.

If youre particularly adventurous and aren't afraid of flesh wounds, you can attach an elongated hollow tube to your vacuum cleaner and do youre self some lipo suction. Doing it at home will help calm your anxiety about it. Ditto for circumcision and appendectomy.

hth
 
Ashok Mash
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Red Bull! And keep flapping!!
 
Jesus Angeles
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Has anyone advised already, shaving armpits?

Anyway, I hope you become a Loser!

As for me, Ill go get some non-diet stuff, sorry.
 
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