"I have all the erasers to all the miniature golf pencils in the world"
"One day I accidently tried to open my house's front door with my car ignition key. The house started up, so I took it for a spin. I was driving down the Highway yelling at everyone to get off my driveway"
One night I couldn't sleep so I got up. I went down to the corner store, because I new it was open 24 hours. When I got there I saw the owner locking up. I said "What are you doing, I thought this store was open 24 hours." He looked at me and said, "Not in a row."
The other night when I got home, I noticed the power was out in my house. I couldn't find a flash light, but I did find my camera with an electronic flash. I used it to make a snack. Now I have 36 pictures of me making a sandwich. The neighbors called to tell me they saw lightning in my house.
Last January I was on a ski lift with this guy. He said he was looking forward to going sking because he was away for so long. I asked where did he go. He said he was in prison for 20 years for pushing a perfect stranger off of a ski lift. I said "I remember you."
I once lived in a house that was run on static electricity. If you wanted to turn on a light, you had to take a sweater off real fast.
Originally posted by Mark Spritzler: ..."One day I accidently tried to open my house's front door with my car ignition key. The house started up, so I took it for a spin. I was driving down the Highway yelling at everyone to get off my driveway"...
A cop pulled me over and asked where I lived. I said, "Right here."