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Stephen Wright-isms

 
Bert Bates
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You can't have everything... where would you put it?


When I was a child we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only child... eventually


I have the world's largest sea shell collection. Maybe you've seen it... I store it on beaches


I just bought some dehydrated water but I don't know what to add


I have a map of the US but it's hard to fold... the scale is 1" = 1"


When you buy a bag of cotton balls are you supposed to throw out the top one?
 
Anand Hariharan
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Originally posted by Bert Bates:
When I was a child we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only child... eventually
[/QB]


Future JVM implementations better watch out ("quick sandbox")...
 
Mark Spritzler
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More.

"It's a small world. But I'd hate to paint it."

"I have all the erasers to all the miniature golf pencils in the world"

"One day I accidently tried to open my house's front door with my car ignition key. The house started up, so I took it for a spin. I was driving down the Highway yelling at everyone to get off my driveway"


Mark
 
Bob Reardon
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More...

One night I couldn't sleep so I got up. I went down to the corner store, because I new it was open 24 hours.
When I got there I saw the owner locking up.
I said "What are you doing, I thought this store was open 24 hours."
He looked at me and said, "Not in a row."

The other night when I got home, I noticed the power was out in my house. I couldn't find a flash light, but I did find my camera with an electronic flash. I used it to make a snack. Now I have 36 pictures of me making a sandwich. The neighbors called to tell me they saw lightning in my house.

Last January I was on a ski lift with this guy. He said he was looking forward to going sking because he was away for so long. I asked where did he go. He said he was in prison for 20 years for pushing a perfect stranger off of a ski lift. I said "I remember you."

I once lived in a house that was run on static electricity. If you wanted to turn on a light, you had to take a sweater off real fast.


-Bob
 
Doug Slattery
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I have a museum. It contains the missing arms and legs of statues from other museums.

Aloha,
Doug

-- Nothing is impossible if I'mPossible
 
Ben Souther
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"24 hour banking; I don't have time for that"
 
marc weber
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Once I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

The other day I... Oh, wait. That wasn't me.

I just drove across the country. I only had one tape, so I kept listening to the same thing over and over. I don't recall what it was.
[ February 02, 2008: Message edited by: marc weber ]
 
marc weber
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Originally posted by Mark Spritzler:
..."One day I accidently tried to open my house's front door with my car ignition key. The house started up, so I took it for a spin. I was driving down the Highway yelling at everyone to get off my driveway"...

A cop pulled me over and asked where I lived. I said, "Right here."
 
Gregg Bolinger
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"Sponges grow in the ocean. That kills me. I wonder how much bigger the ocean would be if that didn't happen."

"So I got off the plain and I forgot to undo my seatbelt. I'm walking through the terminal and wings are knocking people over."
 
Frank Silbermann
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Emo Phillips had a similar style. I liked when he said:

"Don't talk to me about women; I know all about women. I learned about women the hard way -- from books."
 
Bert Bates
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I bought a pack of batteries... but they weren't included
 
Gail Mikels
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I woke up one morning and everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact duplicate.

 
Glen Tanner
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"I'm having deja vu and amnesia at the same time."
 
marc weber
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I have a half twin.
 
I agree. Here's the link: http://aspose.com/file-tools
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