File APIs for Java Developers
Manipulate DOC, XLS, PPT, PDF and many others from your application.
The moose likes Meaningless Drivel and the fly likes The customer is not always right Big Moose Saloon
  Search | Java FAQ | Recent Topics | Flagged Topics | Hot Topics | Zero Replies
Register / Login

Win a copy of Make it so: Java DB Connections & Transactions this week in the JDBC forum!
JavaRanch » Java Forums » Other » Meaningless Drivel
Bookmark "The customer is not always right" Watch "The customer is not always right" New topic

The customer is not always right

Bear Bibeault
Author and ninkuma

Joined: Jan 10, 2002
Posts: 63548

WARNING! Visiting this link will be extremely hazardous to your productivity. Visit with caution!

A typical entry:

Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

Customer: “I need binoculars.”

(I show him a selection of binoculars.)

Customer: “No, no, no. Not one of these. I want one with a magnification of fifty or so.”

Me: “I’m sorry, there are no binoculars with a magnification of fifty.”

Customer: “Are you saying I’m wrong? I’m an engineer. I have two diplomas. Two! I know how things work, thank you!”

(He grabs one of the binoculars, holds it the wrong way round and looks through it.)

Customer: “This one’s broken!”

[Asking smart questions] [About Bear] [Books by Bear]
Ankit Garg

Joined: Aug 03, 2008
Posts: 9453

I liked this one

Customer: “Can I have the breakfast sandwich without tomato, please?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but the sandwich is pre-made. You can just take the tomato off it, if you want.”

Customer: “No! I’m extremely allergic to tomatoes. That could kill me!”

Me: “Well, if you want to wait five minutes or so, I’ll make you one special without tomatoes.”

Customer: “That would be great.”

(I go to the kitchen, wash everything that might have touched a tomato, and make the guy a sandwich. I come back out and hand it to him.)

Customer: “Thanks. You got any ketchup?”

SCJP 6 | SCWCD 5 | Javaranch SCJP FAQ | SCWCD Links
Jesper de Jong
Java Cowboy
Saloon Keeper

Joined: Aug 16, 2005
Posts: 15046

(A customer comes into our pet store during the winter.)

Customer: “When they salt the streets, it burns my dog’s paws.”

Me: “Well, we have shoes for your dog right over here.”

(I show her the different sets of shoes we have available.)

Customer: “Wait, why are there four shoes?”

Java Beginners FAQ - JavaRanch SCJP FAQ - The Java Tutorial - Java SE 8 API documentation
Bear Bibeault
Author and ninkuma

Joined: Jan 10, 2002
Posts: 63548

Weight Watchers Rejects


Lady: “How many slices come on the 8-inch pizza?”

Waiter: “Well usually we cut it into 6, but we can make it four, or eight or ten. Whatever you want.”

Lady: “Better just make it six…I don’t think I can eat more than six slices.”
Bear Bibeault
Author and ninkuma

Joined: Jan 10, 2002
Posts: 63548

One-Woman Wrecking Crew
Woman: “I’ve been standing out there trying to pump gas for the last 10 minutes! Your @&$%*# gas pump is broken!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll go out with you and see what I can do.”

(I see a bright red “Out of Order” bag on the nozzle; she had shoved everything into her tank, bag and all.)

Me: “Yes, that pump is broken. You’ll need to pull up to another pump.”

Woman: “Oh, well you guys should really mark it better. I wasted a lot of time here!”

Me: “Um…yes, we usually put a traffic cone in front.”

Woman: “Oh yeah…I saw it, but I didn’t know what it was for, so I just drove over it.”

(The cone was wedged under her car.)
I agree. Here's the link:
subject: The customer is not always right
It's not a secret anymore!