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The customer is not always right

Bear Bibeault
Author and ninkuma

Joined: Jan 10, 2002
Posts: 63838

WARNING! Visiting this link will be extremely hazardous to your productivity. Visit with caution!

A typical entry:

Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

Customer: “I need binoculars.”

(I show him a selection of binoculars.)

Customer: “No, no, no. Not one of these. I want one with a magnification of fifty or so.”

Me: “I’m sorry, there are no binoculars with a magnification of fifty.”

Customer: “Are you saying I’m wrong? I’m an engineer. I have two diplomas. Two! I know how things work, thank you!”

(He grabs one of the binoculars, holds it the wrong way round and looks through it.)

Customer: “This one’s broken!”

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Ankit Garg

Joined: Aug 03, 2008
Posts: 9462

I liked this one

Customer: “Can I have the breakfast sandwich without tomato, please?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but the sandwich is pre-made. You can just take the tomato off it, if you want.”

Customer: “No! I’m extremely allergic to tomatoes. That could kill me!”

Me: “Well, if you want to wait five minutes or so, I’ll make you one special without tomatoes.”

Customer: “That would be great.”

(I go to the kitchen, wash everything that might have touched a tomato, and make the guy a sandwich. I come back out and hand it to him.)

Customer: “Thanks. You got any ketchup?”

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Jesper de Jong
Java Cowboy
Saloon Keeper

Joined: Aug 16, 2005
Posts: 15081

(A customer comes into our pet store during the winter.)

Customer: “When they salt the streets, it burns my dog’s paws.”

Me: “Well, we have shoes for your dog right over here.”

(I show her the different sets of shoes we have available.)

Customer: “Wait, why are there four shoes?”

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Bear Bibeault
Author and ninkuma

Joined: Jan 10, 2002
Posts: 63838

Weight Watchers Rejects


Lady: “How many slices come on the 8-inch pizza?”

Waiter: “Well usually we cut it into 6, but we can make it four, or eight or ten. Whatever you want.”

Lady: “Better just make it six…I don’t think I can eat more than six slices.”
Bear Bibeault
Author and ninkuma

Joined: Jan 10, 2002
Posts: 63838

One-Woman Wrecking Crew
Woman: “I’ve been standing out there trying to pump gas for the last 10 minutes! Your @&$%*# gas pump is broken!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll go out with you and see what I can do.”

(I see a bright red “Out of Order” bag on the nozzle; she had shoved everything into her tank, bag and all.)

Me: “Yes, that pump is broken. You’ll need to pull up to another pump.”

Woman: “Oh, well you guys should really mark it better. I wasted a lot of time here!”

Me: “Um…yes, we usually put a traffic cone in front.”

Woman: “Oh yeah…I saw it, but I didn’t know what it was for, so I just drove over it.”

(The cone was wedged under her car.)
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