Actually there is a way
Admitted, my "call the support" statement was a bit too harsh but I'll keep my point.
It's bad practice to do such a thing. These things do belong in the application-logic, not into the database.
Even better, they should be considered when designing the hardware architecture.
Another approach would be to let the trigger write output-files that are catched by a daemon who in turn puts the data into whatever the user wants.