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Love or arrange Marriage

Vishal Hegde
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Joined: Aug 01, 2009
Posts: 1050

What would you prefer a love or Arrange Marriage...

I just was discussing this with my friend and he said , I would prefer arrange marriage as parents start searching for your girl and if anything goes wrong in the relationship you can blame your parents while on Love marriage you will have to take the responsibility on your own..

I felt sorry for such sick thought he had regarding arrange Marriage..I said nothing and nodded my head as argument with a stupid people is dangerous.

I wanted to know the view of you ranchers

What do you think about it?


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Matthew Brown
Bartender

Joined: Apr 06, 2010
Posts: 4240
    
    7

It's clearly a cultural thing. Because the whole idea of an arranged marriage sounds deeply weird to me, but it seems to work for lots of people.
John Jai
Bartender

Joined: May 31, 2011
Posts: 1776
Probably arranged marriage where you have no chance of yelling at your spouse - "Before marriage you were like ... and now you have changed ... !"
Tim Moores
Rancher

Joined: Sep 21, 2011
Posts: 2408
What's sick, IMO, is not so much wanting to blame others for a situation that they got you into, but trying to avoid taking responsibility for a situation that your own decision got you into.

And yes, the question itself seems rooted in one's cultural background; I don't know that it makes sense to discuss.
Vishal Hegde
Ranch Hand

Joined: Aug 01, 2009
Posts: 1050

John Jai wrote:Probably arranged marriage where you have no chance of yelling at your spouse - "Before marriage you were like ... and now you have changed ... !"


Change??? I didnt get that???

After arrange marriage all I know is

Boys parents meet girls Parent
Boys parent gel along with the girls parents*
Girls Parents gel up with boys parent*
Both the Parents are now tightly coupled
Now Boy Meets girl or Vice Versa :P
They try to gel up with each other*
They get married :P

* Terms and Conditions applied
Matthew Brown
Bartender

Joined: Apr 06, 2010
Posts: 4240
    
    7

John Jai wrote:Probably arranged marriage where you have no chance of yelling at your spouse - "Before marriage you were like ... and now you have changed ... !"

Can't remember who, but there's some quote along the lines of "All men get married hoping their wife will never change, and they are disappointed. All women get married hoping their husband will change, and they are disappointed".
John Jai
Bartender

Joined: May 31, 2011
Posts: 1776
Vishal Hegde wrote:Both the Parents are now tightly coupled

He he he from where you observed that

It's kind of a normal rule in my state that boys get married by 27 or 29 If you don't find a girl (*) yourself, you oblige to your parent's selection.

* - girl must be in the same religion, caste and wealthy enough to give the dowry expected.
Hussein Baghdadi
clojure forum advocate
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Joined: Nov 08, 2003
Posts: 3476

Love always ends in a disaster: separation ... or marriage!
Paul Anilprem
Enthuware Software Support
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Joined: Sep 23, 2000
Posts: 3205
    
    2
Arranged marriages don't help the gene pool as much as love marriages do


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Frank Silbermann
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jun 06, 2002
Posts: 1379
Depends how much you trust your parents.
Bear Bibeault
Author and ninkuma
Marshal

Joined: Jan 10, 2002
Posts: 60057
    
  65

The fact that he's already looking for someone to blame for the breakup before even meeting the girl is a huge red flag.


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eileen keeney
Ranch Hand

Joined: May 04, 2009
Posts: 51
I think that
IF the parents have the best interest of the child in mind, and know their child well, then their own life experience can actually be an asset to the process of finding a potential marriage mate for their child.
But those getting married should have a say, and not be forced if they are not comfortable.

I have selfish parents who never really took the time to know their children well.
My dad even once suggested to my sister that she should marry someone (from China) who needed to marry a US citizen to stay in the country. I think my Dad would have gotten some money in the deal.

I have seen many bad marriages that were a result of "Love" (or at least people who thought they were in Love).

Both methods can end up being very good, or being a disaster.

The only person I have spoken to, in any depth about this, who was themselves going to marry via such an arrangement, really trusted her parents to pick someone that would be good for her.
Before talking to her, I think I was much less aware that those involved in arranged marriages were so comfortable with it themselves.





Maneesh Godbole
Saloon Keeper

Joined: Jul 26, 2007
Posts: 9990
    
    7

Bear Bibeault wrote:The fact that he's already looking for someone to blame for the breakup before even meeting the girl is a huge red flag.

And he needs parents to find a mate. Grown up? I think not.


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Maneesh Godbole
Saloon Keeper

Joined: Jul 26, 2007
Posts: 9990
    
    7

I have always maintained that people wishing to marry and/or produce offsprings, should be forced to pass some kind if IQ test. If enforced, this would lead to a dramatic drop in world population and lead to .... World Peace! <=Beauty contestant smile
Anayonkar Shivalkar
Bartender

Joined: Dec 08, 2010
Posts: 1456
    
    5

Vishal Hegde wrote:What would you prefer a love or Arrange Marriage...

IMO, there's no general answer for this question. Rather, I would say that people shouldn't spend time in searching such answers - it generally ends up in making ourselves biased and inflexible (mentally).

Some people just fall in love, and marry. Some people fall in love and somehow, cannot marry. Some people fall in love after wedding. Some people never fall in love.

And some of those people have successful marriages despite all this love-or-arrange thing - because they have something called as maturity, respect to others, and good communication skills. If both parties(bride and groom) have this, it really doesn't matter whether the marriage is love or arranged.

Of course, most of the times, this thing boils down to culture, but IMO, what really matters is how do you behave after marriage.

Vishal Hegde wrote:I just was discussing this with my friend and he said , I would prefer arrange marriage as parents start searching for your girl and if anything goes wrong in the relationship you can blame your parents while on Love marriage you will have to take the responsibility on your own..

I've heard this argument from some people, and I really feel bad about them. In Arranged marriage, parents can be blamed, and in love marriage, those people have to blame themselves. And what difference does it make? Does blaming parents or themselves cures a broken relationship? I don't think so. This attitude shows that those people already believe that their marriages are gonna be failures. As someone said (I guess Henry Ford) - if you think you can do it, or if you think you cannot do it, both ways, you are right


Regards,
Anayonkar Shivalkar (SCJP, SCWCD, OCMJD, OCEEJBD)
 
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