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Want to help a Friend of Mine in trouble

Yahya Elyasse
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 07, 2005
Posts: 510

Hello Guys,
I'll below tell you a story that has a humanitarian aspect and I would like to receive your input and advise.
Recently i visited a friend that i didn't met since 20 (or more) years. We were colleagues and good friends in the end of the 80ies and i didn't saw him since 1990. I couldn't believe my eyes because i saw him in a really bad health and mental state. I was surprised because he was one of the briant minds in our school and all our surrounding were seeing in him a future genius and a bright academic and social future awaiting for him.
I asked him:" what happened man? the last time i saw you you were in Good shape and full of health and happiness? "...This is what he told me:
I do remember the happy childhood and youth we both shared. You remember me i was a young man with multiple talents. I was bright in my studies and also very happy in my social life. When we both graduated from high school I joined the most prestigious academic institution of the country where the smartest youth of the country are gathered after a very selective process. I was 18 years old by then. I don't know what happened then; but I suddenly started to fail and begin a slow but steady process of degradation in studies ,social interactions and mental health. after two years (1992) i was hospitalized after a sharp mental and psychological brake down. I was diagnosed having a mixture of psychosis , social anxiety , chronic depression , personality disorder and other psychiatric complications that made it very difficult to recover. after a 10 years of treatment with psychiatric drugs and so on it was of no benefit. I was gradually loosing my intellectual capabilities and draining slowly in total social isolation and depression. But i surprisingly managed not to completely loose my mind and i still can use some percent of my mental and intellectual capabilities to survive. I was abandoned by my family recently and had to live alone , pay the bills , the renting of house and the expensive medications. I couldn't work in traditional work environments as i was quickly noticeable as not apt and fit to work in IT companies.
My friend continues his story: The new opportunities offered by technology in the 21th century allowed me to work from my home where i started to write software programs in some freelance websites . that's how i still manage to survive.

He says the income is not sufficient to pay all the expensive bills and medication after he has been abandoned from the family and relations .
He says he continues to struggle alone. He doesn't go out of home unless very rarely when he is really obliged to bring food. He also says that he feel all the time very tired and that the programming activity he does requires him lots of efforts. He says his Intellectual capabilities are decreasing over time and he slowly looses the sharpness of mind to allow him to work in a field which requires focus, logical thinking and good health.
I reassured him and told him that i will not abandon him. In fact i didn't know much what to tell him as he looked that day very tired and mentally absent and weak. He lives in a far town and I can't be there for him all the time.
I since think a lot about my fiend and don't know what should i advise him to do to resist his difficult situation. The psychiatric treatment has proved to be a dramatic failure. Things have been complicated for him when he lost the support of his family. I don't want to give him money b/c he told me that it is not money that will make him feel better. I want to give him a real help but i'm still out of Ideas. He was really a briant young man , a good and kind person and He doesn't deserve such a dramatic fate!

I shared with you this story and would like to know your thoughts and feedback.

Thanks.
justin smythhe
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 06, 2012
Posts: 107
Try to find out if he has been doing drugs or something like that. If not, I am sure there must be some way to help him.
Joe Ess
Bartender

Joined: Oct 29, 2001
Posts: 8924
    
    9

diagnosed having a mixture of psychosis , social anxiety , chronic depression , personality disorder and other psychiatric complications that made it very difficult to recover. after a 10 years of treatment with psychiatric drugs and so on it was of no benefit


I hate to sound grim, but there is probably nothing you can do to help this person.


"blabbing like a narcissistic fool with a superiority complex" ~ N.A.
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Henry Wong
author
Sheriff

Joined: Sep 28, 2004
Posts: 18896
    
  40

Joe Ess wrote:
diagnosed having a mixture of psychosis , social anxiety , chronic depression , personality disorder and other psychiatric complications that made it very difficult to recover. after a 10 years of treatment with psychiatric drugs and so on it was of no benefit


I hate to sound grim, but there is probably nothing you can do to help this person.



The red flag for me is the family. For me, my family is my rock -- it will take a ridiculous amount of stuff for me to imagine being abandoned by my family, and a ridiculous amount of stuff before I would abandon family.

So, if the family seemed to have abandoned.... IMO, it is either a really lost cause, or you are interferring with the family attempt at "tough love".

Henry


Books: Java Threads, 3rd Edition, Jini in a Nutshell, and Java Gems (contributor)
Yahya Elyasse
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 07, 2005
Posts: 510

Henry Wong wrote:
Joe Ess wrote:
diagnosed having a mixture of psychosis , social anxiety , chronic depression , personality disorder and other psychiatric complications that made it very difficult to recover. after a 10 years of treatment with psychiatric drugs and so on it was of no benefit


I hate to sound grim, but there is probably nothing you can do to help this person.



The red flag for me is the family. For me, my family is my rock -- it will take a ridiculous amount of stuff for me to imagine being abandoned by my family, and a ridiculous amount of stuff before I would abandon family.

So, if the family seemed to have abandoned.... IMO, it is either a really lost cause, or you are interferring with the family attempt at "tough love".

Henry

Hi Henry,
You mean the fact that he was abandoned by family is serious ? I don't know whom of them is at fault but i imagine he is not an evil person and he did hard to please the familly. I imagine -from what he told me- that the familly got tired of his very long term sickness -more than 22 years- and they probably say they had enough. But is this his fault this poor? I Imagine a loving familly would never abandon their sick child whatever happened. I'm pretty sure this poor has been victim of a second chock which is the betrayal of the familly.
It will be hard for him to support himself alone.
justin smythhe
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 06, 2012
Posts: 107
Yahya Elyasse wrote:
Hi Henry,
You mean the fact that he was abandoned by family is serious ? I don't know whom of them is at fault but i imagine he is not an evil person and he did hard to please the familly. I imagine -from what he told me- that the familly got tired of his very long term sickness -more than 22 years- and they probably say they had enough. But is this his fault this poor? I Imagine a loving familly would never abandon their sick child whatever happened. I'm pretty sure this poor has been victim of a second chock which is the betrayal of the familly.
It will be hard for him to support himself alone.


I say with great sadness that it looks like all hope is lost. If there is no cure for this disease, then I am afraid you will have to simply accept its
consequences and move on. I know a person too who was sick with a strange disease. The family was quite wealthy and managed to get palliative
treatments for sometime. Before they were almost reduced to poverty, the ill person died. So, it might be possible that the entire family might sacrifice
itself completely for a futile cause. I hope that it is not the case.

But, try this as a last resort - put some adverts in the news papers seeking help, ask charities, ask friends, neighbors etc to contribute
for his treatment (cash, kind etc), launch a face book page/campaign. Trust me, there are plenty of good people out there with limited or plenty of money to help
those who truly deserve it. You will have to convince people that you are different from the scam artists (yes there have been cases) who use such situations
to cheat people into giving them money.
A person like me would certainly make a contribution to this cause once he/she can see and understand the situation clearly.

Good luck and may god be with you.
Yahya Elyasse
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 07, 2005
Posts: 510

justin smythhe wrote:
I say with great sadness that it looks like all hope is lost.

I do think so too.

justin smythhe wrote:
Good luck and may god be with you.

Yes in such cases God is the only and last refuge.

Thanks.
Bill Clar
Ranch Hand

Joined: Sep 21, 2006
Posts: 152

Yahya, what is your friend's diet like? Too much junk or fast food can contribute to low energy and depression. (Though it varies from person to person.)

Yahya Elyasse
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 07, 2005
Posts: 510

Bill Clar wrote:Yahya, what is your friend's diet like? Too much junk or fast food can contribute to low energy and depression. (Though it varies from person to person.)


it seems the Poor doesn't eat well. He has a severe social anxiety and he can't go out to bring food unless rarely. so i suppose he does'nt eat well.
Bill Clar
Ranch Hand

Joined: Sep 21, 2006
Posts: 152

Yahya, I'm not a doctor and all I have to offer is anecdotal experience. I used to suffer from depression and anxiety. It's better now thanks to an improved diet. It turns out I had some food allergies (gluten, dairy, almonds) that were causing my dismay.

The book that helped me is Mood Cure Diet. Maybe it can help your friend.



justin smythhe
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 06, 2012
Posts: 107
Bill Clar wrote:Yahya, I'm not a doctor and all I have to offer is anecdotal experience. I used to suffer from depression and anxiety. It's better now thanks to an improved diet. It turns out I had some food allergies (gluten, dairy, almonds) that were causing my dismay.

The book that helped me is Mood Cure Diet. Maybe it can help your friend.



Allergies to certain kind of foods can impair health seriously, to the point of messing someone's life completely.
I have a friend who discovered that he was Gluten intolerant (ie cant eat grains with gluten protein- wheat) and that
was the reason why she was so thin. She switched to a rice diet and that helped her a lot.
Ask your friend to go to a doctor if he suspects something like this.


But a word of caution about the book:
The author of that book is a MA (an arts degree) and not even an MD. I don't really know if she is
qualified to make comments on diet and health. I strongly recommend that you read this book
carefully, if you decide to read it.
Yahya Elyasse
Ranch Hand

Joined: Jul 07, 2005
Posts: 510

Hello Justin and Bill,
I don't think his problems could be related to diet or his food habits. It seems he has more serious behavioral and mental compilations.
The problem is that you can't categorize him as insane. He can reason very clearly and sometimes he can shine in His Ideas . But he is weird and odd. He has some kind of personality disorder. I'm not an expert in these matters so i can't tell exactly what is the real complication with him.
I just feel sorry for him because i'm still beleiving he is a very kind and good person and he doesn't deserve such a Hard life. Let's pray God for him so he can hopefully get better and live a more happy and healthy life.
 
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