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Dealing with colleague who interrupts me and gives advices in meeting but asks me for help after it.

Monica. Shiralkar
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Joined: Jul 07, 2012
Posts: 541
I am frustrated with a colleague who during meetings interrupts what I speak and advices me. The managers who are not much technical they think she is speaking correct. After the meeting she asks me how to code. I have no issue in helping her.But in meetings she should communicate in the same way and not show the other way round as if it is she who is helping me. This gives me tension and I find difficult to concentrate on work.Please advice.Thank you.
Jeanne Boyarsky
internet detective
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Joined: May 26, 2003
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140

Do you ever communicate with this colleague in writing? if so, you have something to point to if it is ever claimed you aren't working.

You might also think how to counter this strategy. For example, can you speak up on what you are doing. Of thank your colleague and give an example of something in the past. For example, "that's an interesting idea; we should try it out when I show you how to do X." Or you could correct the incorrect technical information real time.


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Monica. Shiralkar
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Joined: Jul 07, 2012
Posts: 541
thanks I will surely try the advice.


Or you could correct the incorrect technical information real time.

I thought this would make the situation ugly in front of everyone in meetings and show as if my personality is quarrelsome.

Bear Bibeault
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  65

As opposed to making you look inept? Which do you prefer?


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Monica. Shiralkar
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Joined: Jul 07, 2012
Posts: 541
Another irritating habbit this person has is during the meetings whenever I speak something to manager or someone,she will listen to what sentence the manger is saying and will say the same word as if explaining me although she is not knowing anything about it. She listens to what people are speaking and says the same as if she knows and I do not. Outside I have to help her as she keeps getting stuck for small small things in code and asks me for help.
Jayesh A Lalwani
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Joined: Jan 17, 2008
Posts: 2065
    
  22

Repeating what the other person has said in your own words is a common communication technique. It allows the other person know that you have heard and understood what they are trying to say. A lot of Americans are comfortable with this technique, and IMO, a lot of Indians have a cultural tendency to not use this technique. Indians tend to go straight to the answer, or many times, when asked to do something they will start doing it without even talking* It could be that she is just better at you at employing this technique, and it appears in meetings that she understands the issues better than you do, simply because she lets the other person know that she understands, whereas you do not.

*Funny personal story:- I was vacationing in Rajasthan. The first day, I went up to the hotel desk to ask for a list of places to visit. When I walked upto the desk, the guy at the desk was looking down working on his computer. The computer was out of sight so I couldn't see what he was doing. When I walked up, he said "How can I help you?" without even looking up. I told him I'm looking for places to visit. After I told him, he didn't look at me, didn't say anything. I was standing there for couple of minutes not knowing what's going on. Did he hear me? Did he understand me? My wife walked over and asked what's going on?. I said I dunno, I'm waiting. At this point the guy speaks up and says "Sir I'm printing out a list of places to visit". I'm thinking "Ok, if you would have told me 2 minutes ago then I would be more relaxed". He was doing the work for me while I was wiaitng. The problem was I didn't know what the heck he was doing!

In the US, this person would have been told to a) greet people by looking at them and b) acknowledge the customer's request, c) tell the customer what you are going to do d) do it. Indian culture, OTH, values humility and efficiency. The person at the hotel desk thought that keeping his eyes downcast, and responding to my request in the fastest way possible was the right thing to do.

IMO, this is very important for Customer service people, but is important for developers too. When you are in a meeting, acknowledge what the other person is saying. Not every statement, and you don;t have to parrot exactly what they say. You can add more to it that shows that not only did you hear it, you also got it. It might seem stupid at first, but when you start doing it, it makes a lot of sense.
Monica. Shiralkar
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Joined: Jul 07, 2012
Posts: 541
Its not repeating, its like interrupting when I am talking to my managers.If I am speaking with my mangager she does not allow me to complete my sentence and speaks something. irrelavant.But the fact that despite doing like this in meetings, she comes to me for small small help on how to do irritates me.
Preeti Jamadade
Greenhorn

Joined: Aug 17, 2012
Posts: 27
Maybe i suggest you say like 'let me complete and we shall discuss issues or suggestions from all of the attendees'. Do this several times and change habit of this person of interrupting you. Somehow you need to dominate her. If she is raising any concern ask solution in front of manager not outside meeting room. Sometimes being silent and talking upto point is also a strong thing to show your skills. Stand up in front. You need to think about these small things as well to increase your value.
Karthik Jayachandran
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Joined: Feb 18, 2009
Posts: 86

Interrupting in meeting is a common thing in a workplace. Some people try to influence managers for their promotions and perks or even onsite opportunity. You should say 'let me complete this..' and carry on what you were saying. And if the person still interrupts, say again in a bit firm voice. You cannot be too soft and kind to others at all times in a workplace, but say it in a polite and professional way.
Maneesh Godbole
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Joined: Jul 26, 2007
Posts: 9995
    
    7

I do not mean to come off as, or be rude, but frankly speaking I find all this discussion a bit childish. "Mommy, she won't let me play...."

Some people believe in rising based on their caliber. Others bring coffee for their boss. Get used to it.
Who is forcing you to help her outside the conference room? You can make her fall for her own trick by encouraging her to do things on her own like she said in front of the boss, or leading her down the wrong path and butchering her in front of the boss with the correct solution. Grow up and learn to adapt yourselves.
This gives me tension and I find difficult to concentrate on work.

If such small things make you tense and lose your concentration, then you might be better off considering some career options which do not involve interaction with other people or lack of dog eat dog environment.


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Jeanne Boyarsky
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Maneesh Godbole wrote: or leading her down the wrong path .

Don't do that. You are still a team. Leading a teammate down the wrong path is just plain mean in my eyes.
Monica. Shiralkar
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Joined: Jul 07, 2012
Posts: 541
Don't do that. You are still a team. Leading a teammate down the wrong path is just plain mean in my eyes


I would never do that despite being careful in communication.thanks
 
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