OK, then with that it makes it a bit harder.
But if you are using Java1.4 you could use the Regular Expressions classes. Although Lastname - LName might make it tough to come up with just the right expression.
Now the best solution is if the database and XML matched exactly.
can there be changes to either side?
Or do you know this information in advanced. Like you know which tables you want to get the XML data into. If so, then use XSL to transform the XML document to match the data scheme, and then you will have exact matches.
If you try to rely on Soundex, and keep the same unknowns and uncertainty, you can never guarantee that the matches you get are correct.
Mark