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How to win friends...

 
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I have joined this new company about one and half months ago, and work and pay are OK, I have no qualms about them. However, I have realized that my colleagues are keeping some distance. I have tried number of times to become friends with them, but didn't help much. It is not that they hate me, but somehow that warmth is missing.
Let me try to explain, it is a very small company, all others except me are working on one single project and I am working on a different project with team members overseas. So naturally it separates us, but there's lot of interaction anyways and I find their replies rather curt.
I tried few things to break the ice. I sent them few fwded mail messages but haven't received a mail from any one of them yet. Sent few technical fwds to them, but no luck. So called one of them to help me with my technical problem, and thanked him for helping me heartily. Tried inviting them for a movie.... Didn't work....
These guys come from entirely different background and have many things in common, including the project and problems related to it. Moreover they have been together for quite some time, and I have just joined
; I understand all this, but I am trying to make an effort so that I feel accepted, so that I feel one of them. But instead, I am feeling as if I am left out. Today when I entered the room, there was suddenly a silence. Dunno what's happening.... I feel so lonely...
AFAIK, the bosses are quite happy with my performance, and they have praised me in person, but I would like to be friends with my colleagues.
From my side, initially when I joined the company I could not accompany them for after-work snacks as I had serious personal problem at that time which required immediate attention, and my colleagues were aware of that. Also, I have mentioned this casually couple of times recently, hinting them that I am free if there's anything.
That's the story so far. Is there something that I can do to win friends here?
-\Anil
 
Anonymous
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consult with ur boss.May be they are having some missunderstanding about your joining.who has taken ur interview there?
 
Anonymous
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Boss is too busy to handle these unimportant (for him) issues! As it is I wouldn't bring it to the boss unless there is any real problem with the colleagues.
This is more of a concern at this stage and might turn into a problem if I simply ignore the non-verbal communication of my co-workers.
As for the misunderstandings, that's a possibility, but I did ask one of my colleagues if I have done sth "unusual" and why is it that I feel that I am sort of ignored... To which he replied - "Nah, there's nothing!". How do I find out?
As for the interview, the guys had flown from abroad to conduct the interview and only big bosses were there to conduct it, and I was selected by my boss. Since it is a small company, most others have joined as they knew my boss somehow. I did not know him before I was interviewed, though knew him by reputation. (He's a very senior and respectable person.) So that way, I was not "favoured" (I wouldn't do that, EVER! I'd prefer to remain jobless).
 
Anonymous
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I remember watching this kind of scenario in one of the television ads., and the guy handled this situation smartly by purchasing "LaL kila basmati rice" and inviting all his colleagues.

try this
 
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anil,
varun will buy "LaL kila basmati rice" and will make delicious pilav for u . u have to make a chicken curry and invite all ur unfreindly co-workers. If that also didnt work u tell them "i dont care and u guys are not the only human beings in this world". so its very simple
 
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Originally posted by sunitha raghu:
varun will buy "LaL kila basmati rice" and will make delicious pilav for u


Not needed. Anil better try this
Preparation may not be so simple ... so in tht case contact sunitha,she's expert in cooking using Java's remote pilav invocation
[ May 03, 2003: Message edited by: varun Khanna ]
 
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Its just one and half month .. its a very short period...
Wait .. til you are put on some project with some of these people ....
.. so just simply Wait & Watch ..
Try to do lot of other things rather than thinking this as a problem..
Take certification
 
sunitha reghu
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hooey
when ever ravish joins a new company he takes some certification. then all his coworkers come and admire his talents.
anil u can try ravish's tricks also.
 
Varun Khanna
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Originally posted by sunitha raghu:
hooey
when ever ravish joins a new company he takes some certification


does that means Ravish is still continuing with his first job?
 
Anonymous
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LOL!! I wish it was as simple as serving a pulav...
BTW, I did take them out for a party after getting my first sal here.
Seriously though, I have been hired here for a short duration project, at the completion of this project they'll decide if they want to absorb me as an employee or not (others are employees). There won't be any problems as far as performance is concerned, but then it is important that your co-workers like you...
Ravish, I already have 4 certifications! I can ignore them, but that doesn't seem to be a sensible thing to do.
 
sunitha reghu
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Originally posted by varun Khanna:

does that means Ravish is still continuing with his first job?


Not continuing "struggling" like this with his first job

[ May 03, 2003: Message edited by: sunitha raghu ]
 
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Anil,
Perhaps its jealousy or envy ?
Are you being paid much more than the rest (say, a contractor instead of a permanent employee) ?
Also, did you replace someone else who was fired (and possibly popular with the others) ?
Don't worry about it. Do your job, be approachable and these things will sort themselves out.
 
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there is no constant friendship, only constant interest....
 
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I remember reading an early version of Solveig Haugland's book about dating for geeks. In one chapter she talks about how to bait women you work with to your desk. It would seem that your goals would be quite similar. To bait the guys to come by your desk and visit a bit. After all, what you are saying is that once they get to know you a bit, they would like you. You just need them to get to know you a bit.
Solveig's advice: chocolate. Put some good chocolate on your desk and you will be beating the women back with a stick. For guys: maybe donuts?
 
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Hi anil,
wait for two months.dont try to make them friends on this peiod.
tell to ur boss about the scenario.dont tell him about this issue as a problom.but use friendly chat / fun.ur boss should be aware of this issue.if u r truly worthfull/loyal to ur boss,he'll concider u(that's why he 's the boss)
concentrate on ur work hard.be loyal to ur boss.make ur project as a success.but stay cool.
observe ur collegues secretly.how strong the team is?,who's the leader and who's the 'real leader'(real leader mean the person who controls the leader.every gang may have it).and find out who's more detrimental and who's less.
enjoy ur life in alternative ways.and show them u r enjoying.be happy.
find less detrimental people and attract them towards u(this is a skill i cannot tell how to).find the right person/persons.keep a friendly attitude.
be cool with more detrimental people.make them think that u r very levelheaded.and make them hopeless on u.
be consistant.they r ur friends.sure
basha
 
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Well, don't push yourself too hard. Friendship is a mutual thing that can only be developed if both parties are interested. Some small company
employees may not want to easily accept a new person for whatever reason. You have tried your best and that's it. If they still don't accept you, that means you got to make your friends somewhere else. But you shouldn't take that personally when you do your daily work.
Actually most of our best friends and real friends are not our colleagues at all. If the social environment in your company are really against you, then you may change a job ? It doesn't worth suffering that pain if you are a social guy.
 
Anonymous
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Originally posted by Steve Mutanson:
Well, don't push yourself too hard. Friendship is a mutual thing that can only be developed if both parties are interested. Some small company
employees may not want to easily accept a new person for whatever reason. You have tried your best and that's it. If they still don't accept you, that means you got to make your friends somewhere else. But you shouldn't take that personally when you do your daily work.


I think that's the best way to tackle this situation. Maybe, slowly things will fall in place, my best friends are also from my PG days, but I would like to maintain friendly relations with colleagues here, since the company is more informal.
As for other questions, I don't think there's any jealousy as such though initially there was a bit of "What all do you know?" sort of tests, but that wasn't an issue, I have come from a much bigger company with strong technical background. I am paid more than most (not all), but that is sth beyond my control (their pays, I didn't even know what they were earning). I told my expectation, and they agreed. And AFAIK, I didn't replace anybody and they didn't fire anybody.
Anyway, I think I'll continue to be friendly, but won't go out of my way to please anyone! Maybe, things will be alright soon.
Paul, I like your idea of chocolates, wil try this and will let you know if it works.
 
Anonymous
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keep your mouth shut! i don't know whether it's applicable to you.
 
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