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Bad jokes

 
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Q: What do you call a turtle with no legs? A: It doesn't matter, he won't come.
Q: What do you call a cow with two legs? A: Lean beef.
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Ground beef.

a bear walks into the bar, puts up his feet on a stool, and orders a beer. The bartender asks, "How's everything going?" The bear says, "well...umm....fine". The bartender then asks, "why the long paws?"
Q: Why do anarchists only drink herbal tea?
A: Because they don't believe in proper tea.
Q: Why do the French only make their omelettes with one egg?
A: Because "un oeuf" is enough.
 
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A man was arrested at the airport for carrying a slide-rule, a protractor, a compass and some pencils.
He is suspected of being a member of the group Al Gebra.
 
HS Thomas
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Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.
Q: Why can't a bicycle stand up? A: It's two tyred.
Q: What are squares scared of? A: Vicious circles.
First sodium atom: "Help, somebody has stolen one of my electrons." Second atom: "Are you sure?" First atom: "Yeah, I'm positive."
[ January 11, 2004: Message edited by: HS Thomas ]
 
Greenhorn
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A horse walks into the bar, the barman says, "why the long face".
 
Scotty Sinclair
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There are two sausages in a frying pan,
One sausage says, "cor it's hot in here!".
The other sausage look to him and says "jesus christ it's a talking sausage!".
(I made this one up)
There are two cows in a field one cow says "have you heard of this mad cow disease?",
The other cow says, "what you talking to me for I'm a tractor!".
 
Mark Fletcher
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I was walking along the street, and this beautiful girl rolled her eyes at me.
So I picked them up and rolled them back!
Ba Boom! Tish! Thank you folks Im here all week!
 
HS Thomas
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There's some original bad jokes.
Bill Gates turns up at the entrance to Heaven asking to be let in.
St Peter says "Thanks to you I know the secret to the Universe. CTRL-ALT-DELETE and Reboot."
Bill Gates turns up at the entrance to Heaven asking to be let in.
(I made this one up) At least, I think I did.
[ January 12, 2004: Message edited by: HS Thomas ]
 
HS Thomas
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.wmv]405 The movie

It does end eventually.
The short movie is quite amazing. 405 The MOVIE.
[ January 12, 2004: Message edited by: HS Thomas ]
 
HS Thomas
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The movie is really good. I am surprised no one has commented on it.

The most talked about live action Web film of the year. Ok it was year 2000 - I must have missed it.
[ January 13, 2004: Message edited by: HS Thomas ]
 
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I know one about David Beckham but it is libelous!!!
 
Steven Broadbent
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Two cats in a garden...

First cat : Miaaaowww.
Second cat : I was gonna say that...
 
HS Thomas
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Q : Which letter is a chimp's best friend.
A: The letter Zee. Chimp an'zee.
Q: Name a sun worshipping animal.
A: Orangutan.
 
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