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Understanding Engineers

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Understanding Engineers -

Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did
you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up
on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and
said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice;
the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two:

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to

Understanding Engineers - Take Three:

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in,
"I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey,
here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a
group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was
silent for a
moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to
contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four:

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five:

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six:

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
"Just look
at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last
said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven:

"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Engineers

believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight:

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again
and said,
"If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay
with you
for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at
and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss
me and
turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you
want" Again
the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his

pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?

I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for
week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer

"Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a
frog, now that's cool."
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A priest a doctor and an engineer die and go the
heavens gate, they hear gods voice and it says " My sons i am really very
sorry but the heaven is full and i can accomodate only one of u. so
to choose the rightfull person one by one tell me what u have done
in ur lifetime."

the priest goes up first and says" well god i am a
priest i am ur humble servent and have spent all my life working to
spread ur message."

the doctor goes up next and says " well i am a doctor
and i have helped thousands of people recover from there
illnesses and saved countless lives."

the engineer goes up and says " well i have done my
engineering from...."
before the engineer could say any further the heavens'
gate open and god comes out and says to the engineer " Say no more
son come with me coz u have already been through hell."

moral of the story: engineers always land up in heaven
Because their mortal life is hell
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