I have a strong feeling I have worked with Wally. Wise to the system, he was always on time and on budget, but it probably wasn't what you anticipated. Not that you can fault him on following the rules: he always follows the rules, but he knows them better than you do.
PHB is out, I hope. Not that they don't exist (again, worked there) but I wouldn't hire one.
Dogbert would be best in general, but you know he's only looking after #1. Your only hope of survival is that he sees you as worth keeping.
Dilbert is smart but unempowered and a bit wussy. I guess we're supposed to side with him, but I look for more in fellow employees.
Ratbert and Catbert are 'no's. Ted the generic guy is not an option, he is just a space filler.
Ashok is great, but for me comes in at second choice.
I like Alice as she is strong (violent?) but gutsy and smart. Cursed by living in a man's world she meets them head on. She can rip someone out of their suit and throw them down the hall for me any day.
Nah, excluded for the same reason as 'Ted the generic guy' and bungee managers.
Don't knock Wally he's a blast to have around, and personally I'm sometimes a little wary of Alice. If you walked into the kitchen and she opened the cupboard, hitting you in a sensitive region, could you be sure it was an accident?
I would pick Ashok (IIT, hardworking, work trained - as in trained to sleep only on national Holidays etc), but that would be too many Ashoks' in the same company - Could be beyond comprehension for the pointy haired people working for my clients!
Scott Adams thought about that and that's why he name him Asok instead of Ashok.
It's still pronounced the same though. At least, Asok seems to pronounce it like "A-shook".
I think any of Dilbert, Alice, and Asok are worth their paychecks. I'd hire all three of them, plus Dogbert to keep them ... motivated (bwa hah hah!) ... and then let them run. Without the PHB to hold them back, I'm sure they'd make me incredibly rich. If we find we have an excess of coffee, we could bring in Wally as a contractor.