sandip mense

fight

Its seems I am better at throwing waste papers in trash, scored 11 on second attempt

Sandip

A sexy sardarni in New York went to a worldwide
message centre to send a message to her mother in
India.

The phirangi guy told her it would cost $100
she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money! But I
would do anything to get a message to my mother in
Punjab-India!"

The man arched an eyebrow and asked: "Anything?"

"Yes, anything!" promises the sardarni.

With that, the man said, "Follow me", walked into the
next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door."
She did. He then said, "Get on your knees." She did.
Then he said, "Unzip me." She did.

He said, "Go ahead...take it out." She took it out
and
grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed
his eyes and whispered, "Well...go ahead damn it!"

The Sardarni slowly brought her lips closer, and
screamed loudly, "Hello...Mummyjee?"

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. She looked out the window and yelled to her lover. Quick jump out the window. My husband's home early!! "I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets "It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.

"He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun, the rain is the least of your problems!" So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon. So he started running alongside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while, a small group of runners, which had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer. "Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free." Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?" "Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" "Nope.........just when it's raining."

Dear comrades....!!!

India Pak War Scenario

During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet Satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 45 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way. Recent Studies commissioned by US department of Defense included one on nuclear war Between India and Pakistan.


This was their scenario.................


The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They Don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order The countdowns. Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 Seconds, Indian army detects the Pak countdown and decides to launch a Missile in retribution.

But they need permission from the Government of India. They submit Their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session. The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the Opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely. The President asks for a quick decision. In the mean time, the Pak Missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts For a relaunch are still on.

Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week. As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed. The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a Nuclear missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not take such a decision because elections are at hand. A Public Interest Litigation is filed in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election Commission.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing The nation. Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM.

Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight. The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA. The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties agree.

Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists Come out against the Government's decision. Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised. In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".

On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan. Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes. A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service. Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits it Original destination: Russia.

Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation Launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits the target and creates havoc. Pakistan cries for help.

India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.

Thus India never gets to launch the missile.

Pakistan never gets it right.

And we live happily ever after!!!

A MAN WAS SLEEPING IN HIS HOUSE.
SUDDENLY GOD APPEARED & SAID, "GO OUT & ENJOY.
NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS."

HE DID SO & MET WITH AN ACCIDENT & DIED.

IN HEAVEN, HE ASKED GOD, WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME.

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GOD REPLIED," SORRY SON, Appraisal time , HAD TO ACHIEVE TARGET.. "

A boy goes to shop and buys a big book.


He take the book to a doctor and ask's him how much time will he take to finish the book.


The doctor says 6 month's minimum

Then he goes to a lawyer and ask's the same question, he says minimum 3 months


Then he goes to a engineer and ask's the same question



How much time will you take to finish the book???



The engineer say's


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EXAM KAB HAI
[ June 21, 2005: Message edited by: sandip mense ]

IF film stars work for call centers.........................


Amithabh: Thank you for calling customer care... rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hian filhaal ek customer care rep hain...
Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amithabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha... uske baad uske baad mere bhai.. Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga..

Dharmendra: Thank you for callllllliiiiingggg.....
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aaraahoon maa...
Customer: I am unable to use your product... its waste and worthless
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaonga..
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne nahi naachna

Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai...
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh... seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna... haaaaaaaaa!!!

Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain miljayegi hum angrezon ke zamaane ke rep hain..haahhaaa

Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye....
Customer: hi
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko ....tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon.. Police mien report likha...

Bindu: Shabnam naam hai mera... pyar se log shabbo bolte hain..bolo main tumhare kis kaam aasakti hoon.

Shakti: AAAuuuuuu...mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona.. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyarasa...rep hooon..

Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi ... thank youji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga... ye dyevi nai ji ... ye to dyeva hai...

Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai..... May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit: Mona darling... tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager dedenge to hamein manage kaun karega....

Gabbar: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ....Jo dargaya wo maraga... batao tumhen kya chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar: Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suvvar Ke baccho ... sirf... $10.00...dhikkaar hai

Prem Chopra: Prem...Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra...
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle

Rajkumar : Jaani ..... Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani... ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes... otherwise I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena... manager humko dara sake manager mein itna dum nahi... humse hai manager... manager se hum nahi...

Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Customer hung up the phone....

A nice game, got 92 in the second try, for the next 50 odd tries never got close to that score , finally when i thought of giving a last try, i did hit the spot at the right time and was able to get 92 +

I can think of Cauvery petrol bunk in front of Lalbagh West Gate.

Ashish,

Great to see a admirer of Belgaum. Buth things have changed with time over in Belgaum. It is no more greener nor does it have the climate of late 80�s or early 90�s anymore. Now the summers are hot and dry, summers have a temperature hovering around 40 deg centigrade.
Bangalore, any day, has a very pleasant climate.

Sandip

Cricket

Preity,

If you feel driver is the problem, download the latest drivers for 9i from here .
http://www.oracle.com/technology/software/tech/java/sqlj_jdbc/htdocs/jdbc9201.html

Sandip

Lucky,

You need to be in the directory //student/amrita/mysrc
on which u give the command,

> javac /country/city/Hello.java
if teh classpath has been set properly , else u can set the classpath while compiling to the current directory and compile

> javac -classpath . /country/city/Hello.java


Sandip

Jack,

Here are a few things that you can try,

Firstly check out which application if at all is using the port 1098. You can do this by using the netstat on the command prompt or by using this excellent TCP view tool which lists all the ports.

On Windows platforms, you need to be aware of various services that will randomly take ports. Some examples are Windows Update, Exchange/Outlook, and as you noticed IM tools, and many more than can be listed.

For the safest bet on running production, you can keep the ports blocked from being used randomly. You can do this by following the procedure described over the URL here

Also other way would be to look at changing the port numbers used by Jboss (see service-binding-manager or something like that) to much higher number ranges to avoid this problem (particularly 1098 and 1099 ports).

Also remember if you have Microsoft Firewall Client for Microsoft ISA installed, then firewall client holds connections open for 4-5 minutes before releasing them. This will be the root problem. Disable the Firewall client.

Sandip